47 Halloween jokes to make kids howl

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Time again for another round of holiday jokes. This time, it's horrific Halloween howlers to share with the kids — or easily, cheesily amused adults.

halloween jokes for kids

Why did the vampire need mouthwash?

Because he had bat breath

What is a mummy’s favorite type of music?

Wrap

When does a skeleton laugh?

When something tickles his funny bone

What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're hot and thirsty on Halloween?

Ghoul-aid

What's a monster's favorite bean?

A human bean

Why are vampires tough to get along with?

Because they can be a pain in the neck

Where do ghosts like to dance?

Anywhere where they can boo-gie

Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?

He had no body to dance with

Where do ghosts go when they're sick?

To the witch doctor

Why didn't the mummy have any friends?

Because he was too wrapped up in himself

What position does a ghost play in soccer?

Ghoulie

What are a ghost's favorite pants?

Boo jeans

What instrument do skeletons play?

Trom-bone

Why is a ghost such a messy eater?

Because he is always a goblin

What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire?

A toasty ghosty

What was the favorite game at the ghosts' birthday party?

Hide and shriek

What do the birds sing on Halloween?

Trick or tweet

What are ghosts' favorite kind of streets?

Dead ends

What do you call a haunted chicken?

A poultry-geist

Why don't bats live alone?

They like to hang out with their friends

What do ghosts eat for breakfast?

Boo-berries

What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?

It's a pain in the neck

When is it bad luck to meet a black cat?

When you’re a mouse

What food do vampires hate?

Steak

How do you fix a broken Jack-o-lantern?

With a pumpkin patch

Why are cemeteries loud?

Because of all the coffin

Why did the vampire go to the doctor?

To ask about his coffin

Why did the vampire flunk art class?

Because he could only draw blood

What can't you give the headless horseman?

A headache

Where should a 500-pound monster go?

On a diet

What's a ghost’s favorite dessert?

Boo-berry pie

What's a monster’s favorite desert?

I-scream

What type of dog does every vampire have?

Bloodhound

What did the skeleton order for dinner?

Spare ribs

What do you call a skeleton who won't work?

Lazy bones

Why do witches ride brooms?

Vacuum cleaners get stuck at the end of the cord

What do you call a witch's garage?

A broom closet

What do you call two witches living together?

Broommates

What is a witch's favorite subject in school?

Spelling

Why won't skeletons go see scary movies?

They don't have the guts

Who are some of the werewolves cousins?

The whatwolves, the whowolves and the whenwolves

Why didn't the zombie go to school?

He felt rotten

Why did the cyclops stop teaching?

Because he only had one pupil

Where do vampires keep their money?

The blood bank

What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A neck-tarine

How did the ghost say goodbye to the vampire?

So long, sucker

What did the grandma ghost say to the grandson ghost?

You are the most booooooooo-tiful thing I have ever seen!

Today's question:

When did you last dress up for Halloween (and what were you)?

GRAND Social No. 74, plus a 'Shrek The Musical' discount

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Welcome to GRAND Social No. 74. That's seven four... SEVENTY-FOUR.

For 74 weeks running, I've hosted a link party for grandparent bloggers and readers. And the surprising thing? For 74 weeks, bloggers and readers have joined me! Meaning super posts from super grandparent bloggers have been shared then read by equally super readers.

Very cool. Thank you all very much for making the GRAND Social such a success. And thank you for showing up once again for today's GRAND Social.

Before kicking off GRAND Social No. 74, though, I'd like to share with you a great deal for those who are already working on their holiday shopping. Or for those who just plain like Shrek and would enjoy this Broadway production that received eight 2009 Tony Award® nominations including Best Musical, winning Best Costume Design of a Musical and received a Grammy Award® nomination for Best Musical Show Album.

Shrek The Musical

Shrek The Musical, from DreamWorks, is out on Deluxe Blu-ray and DVD tomorrow. I honestly had no idea until being contacted that there was such a show, but I've been promised I have a review copy on its way to me and I will soon post my review. But in celebration of the DVD going on sale tomorrow, Tuesday October 15, I have a discount code to share with you in advance of my review — just so if you planned to get Shrek The Musical, you get the deal.

Here it is... a code for 20 percent off Shrek The Musical when purchasing from FoxConnect. Just note the corresponding code below, then click here to purchase either the single-disc DVD ($12.99 before discount) or the Blu-ray Deluxe Edition ($18.99 before discount). Note: Those are not affiliate links.

Shrek The Musical discount code

Stay tuned for my review of Shrek The Musical, coming soon to a Grandma's Briefs page near you.

And now, for today's main attraction ... drum roll ...

GRAND Social No. 74!

Again, thank you for joining me.

link party

How it works:

  • All grandparent bloggers are invited to add a link. You don't have to blog specifically about grandparenting, just be a grandparent who blogs.
  • To link up a post, copy the direct URL to the specific post — new or old — that you want to share, not the link to your blog's home page. Then click the blue button marked with "Add your link" below and follow the directions.
  • You can add up to three posts, but no duplicates, contests, giveaways, or Etsy sites, please.
  • Adding a mention such as This post linked to the GRAND Social to your linked posts is appreciated. Or, you can post the GRAND Social button anywhere on your page using the following code:

Grandma’sBriefs.com

<a rel="nofollow" href="/" target="blank"><img src="http://grandmasbriefs.squarespace.com/storage/GRANDsocialbutton.jpg " alt="Grandma’sBriefs.com" width="125" height="125" /></a>

 

  • The GRAND Social linky is open for new posts through Wednesday evening, so please come back to see those added after your first visit.

  • If you're not a blogger, you have the pleasure of being a reader. Bloggers who link up would be honored to have one and all — other bloggers as well as readers — visit, read and, if so moved, comment, even if just a "Hey, stopping by from the GRAND Social."

From shivers to shrieks: Spooky stories for Halloween

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A lot of people enjoy being scared. I'm not sure why that is, but the plethora of scary movies, scary books, scary television shows — and scary vampires and zombies everywhere — confirm that to be true.

Even my grandsons like to be scared. Sort of.

Bubby and Mac like sort of scary stuff that sort of scares them a little. Especially sort of scary Halloween stuff. And sort of scary Halloween books, in particular. In fact, when I visited my grandsons in July, we went to the library one day and Bubby made a B line for the Halloween picture books. In July!

(Of course, his mom contributed to the early enjoyment of all things spooky. Megan loves Halloween picture books, too, and checked out a huge stack of sort-of-spine-tingling tales for her and the boys to enjoy. In July.)

The joy my grandboys — and their mother, my daughter — get out of Halloween books is part of the reason I was delighted to receive (free for review) several Halloween books from Candlewick Press. I'll be packing a few of them — the sort of scary ones, at least scary for wee ones — in my Grandma Bag to share with Bubby and Mac when I visit next week.

Another reason I was delighted to get the spooky stories? So I could share them with you here today.

(Don't be afraid... they're mostly just sort of scary. I promise.)

Vampire Baby by Kelly Bennett, illustrated by Paul Meisel ($15.99, Ages 4-7) Mac is going to love, love, love this one, as he's been experiencing a few bites from one of his fellow toddlers at his babysitter's. I'm thrilled there's a trailer for it, so you can get a real taste (har, har) for this treat.

Ghost in the House by Ammi-Joan Paquette, illustrated by Adam Record ($15.99, ages 3-7 years) A rhythmic tale where the spooky stuff grows in number with each turn of the page.
From Candlewick: When a little ghost goes slip-sliding down the hallway, he suddenly hears... a groan! Turns out it’s only a friendly mummy, who shuffles along with the ghost, until they encounter... a monster! As the cautious explorers continue, they find a surprise at every turn — and add another adorably ghoulish friend to the count. But you’ll never guess who is the scariest creature in the house!

Filbert, the Good Little Fiend by Hiawyn Oram, illustrated by Jimmy Liao ($15.99, ages 3-7) I love this book so, because Filbert makes me think of Bubby and the angel character makes me think of Mac. I have a feeling they will agree (or fight over who's who; we'll see).
From Candlewick: Daddy and Mommy Fiend want their little Filbert to be gruesome and ghastly, but he won’t trample or terrify, roar or holler. He’d much rather help an old lady with her bags or go bird-watching. What are they to do with him? When Filbert starts school, he quickly learns that good behavior isn’t tolerated in class, and he is banished outside until he can act like a proper little fiend. Suddenly a little angel appears, flying fast and furious until... bump! Could this naughty Angel-School dropout be just the friend Filbert needs? Could they find a way together to make everyone accept them as they are?

The Music of Zombies by Vivian French, illustrated by Ross Collins ($15.99, ages 8-12) See? I told you: Zombies are everywhere. But this book seems like a must-have for preteens who enjoy sort of scary tales. I envision the entire series (this is the fifth Tale from the Five Kingdoms) being a great gift for the holidays.
From Candlewick: Prince Albion expects a unique occasion when he starts planning Cockenzie Rood Day to celebrate his kingdom—and himself. What he doesn’t expect is boppings on the head and kidnapping, all because a zombie wants to play his fiddle in the talent contest. With a misbehaving path, a romantic bat, and a greedy butler to set them on their way, Gracie Gillypot and Prince Marcus are off on their fifth adventure. It’s up to a Trueheart, a resourceful prince, and Gubble the troll to stop the zombie before he does some giant damage to the Five Kingdoms.

Feral Nights by Cynthia Leitich Smith ($17.99, ages 14 years and up) This is one I plan to read in the nights leading up to Halloween. The back-cover quote from The Horn Book calling it "A hearty meal for the thinking vampire reader" has me intrigued... and ready to be sort of scared.
From Candlewick: When sexy, free-spirited werecat Yoshi tracks his sister, Ruby, to Austin, he discovers that she is not only MIA, but also the key suspect in a murder investigation. Meanwhile, Werepossum Clyde and human Aimee have set out to do a little detective work of their own, sworn to avenge the brutal killing of werearmadillo pal Travis. When all three seekers are snared in an underground kidnapping ring, they end up on a remote island inhabited by an unusual (even by shifter standards) species and its cult of worshippers. Their hosts harbor a grim secret: staging high-profile safaris for wealthy patrons with evil pedigrees, which means that at least one newcomer to the island is about to be hunted. As both wereprey and werepredator fight to stay alive, it’s up to mild-mannered Clyde — a perennial sidekick — to summon the hero within. Can he surprise even himself?

Find out more about these books and others at Candlewick.com.

Best wishes for a splendidly spooky weekend!

Disclosure: The books above were sent to me free for review. Opinions and anecdotes are my own.

Today's question:

What is the last scary — or sort of scary — book you read?

Wherein Grandma rethinks the family bed

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Our kids climb into bed with Jim and me each morning. Their sole goal? To get us to rise and shine, get up and give them breakfast.

Now, that may seem strange considering our three daughters are adults and don't live in our house. But it's not our human kids I'm talking about, it's our cat kids.

alarm cat

Early each morning, Abby and Isabel hop onto the foot of the bed and meow their way all the way up to our heads, demanding we notice them, love them, and, most importantly, get out of the freakin' bed and feed them. Abby in particular is the alarm kitty. If I ignore her pleas, she heads on over to my iPhone cord on the night stand and starts chewing on it, for she knows darn well that will have me up and at her in a split second.

Yesterday morning when "the girls" got into bed with us, I mentioned to Jim how crazy it would be if we let our dogs into the bed with us, too. Mickey and Lyla have their own bedroom, though, with a baby gate put up each night so they can't get out — which means they can't climb into our bed in the morning, like the cats do.

"Just think if they did," I said to Jim. "We'd have all our kids in bed with us."

Which led me to immediately mention that our real kids — our human kids, our daughters — never climbed into bed with us in the mornings. Never.

Why is that? I wondered out loud. It's not like the girls weren't allowed in our bedroom, weren't welcome to join us if they felt the need.

I remember one night in particular when Andrea definitely felt the need. It was during the summer between her fifth- and sixth-grade years at school, a scary transitional time that caused her to have nightmares. After several failed attempts to calm her fears in her own bed one night, she took me up on the offer to sleep in a makeshift bed on the floor beside ours.

That didn't work. Andie still couldn't sleep, still was afraid.

So I told her we'd turn on the television in our bedroom to the Cartoon Network — at a very low volume — to take her mind off scary things.

Regardless of volume level, though, the George of the Jungle Marathon running on the network that night was the stuff of nightmares, at least for Jim and me. ♪George, George, George of the Jungle, watch out for that tree!♪ kept us awake — and unhappy — for hours.

After a several episodes, we'd had enough. Andie apparently had, too, for she didn't balk too much when I led her back to her own bed. Where she did finally fall asleep.

Jim and I, though, couldn't fall asleep for we couldn't get ♪George, George, George of the Jungle♪ out of our heads, out of our dreams.

Never again, we told ourselves... and our girls. To this day, mentions of George of the Jungle elicit groans and grins from Jim, Andrea and myself as we recall the nightmarish marathon.

Back in those childrearing years, I was thankful the girls rarely asked to sleep in our bed and that they never woke us in the mornings by crawling under the covers with us. But now it saddens me.

It saddens me because as a grandma, I realize what Jim and I missed. The mornings when I'm visiting my grandsons and they crawl into bed with me — which is every morning when I'm at their house... and usually before the sun even considers creeping up over the horizon — are some of the sweetest moments shared with my beloved boys.

Which is one of the more important things Jim and I failed to learn when our girls were little.

There's no going back, though, no way to remedy that error we made with our children. But we can, as grandparents, make the most of the moments when our grandchildren crawl into bed with us.

I will do exactly that with open arms next week, when I'll be sleeping one room away from Bubby and Mac.

bedtime

Next week I'll have four mornings to relish the slow creaking open of Gramma's bedroom door as the boys together peek in at me, then the pitter-patter of little feet scampering over to my bed while I pretend I'm asleep. Then I'll lift the covers, make room for Bubby on one side, Mac on the other. We'll snuggle for just a bit, and once they've done all the snuggling their wiggly little boy bodies can handle, we'll discuss our dreams from the night, recite our plans for the day.

I didn't get it with my girls, but I now realize with my boys that such times truly are the best part of waking up when there are children in the house.

As a parent, the family bed was never my thing, for I didn't want to be continually awakened by little kids.

As a grandparent, I can't imagine any better wake-up call.

Today's question:

Did your kids climb into bed with you in the mornings? Do your grandkids?