5 things my husband has never done (plus 5 I've never done either)

Yesterday morning as I chopped my apple to place in my instant oatmeal before nuking it (good stuff; you should try it), I thought about all the apples Megan had at her house while I was there last week. She has a lot. All different kinds, too, from galas—my fave—to honeycrisp and yellow ones of some sort and more.

"Preston won't stop buying them," she told me, followed by a wish he'd buy fruit that's a little easier for Bubby and Mac—especially Mac— to eat rather than crisp and crunchy apples. (That require coring and slicing and, in Mac's case, peeling and dicing, too.)

As I cut my apple yesterday morning, I thought about Preston picking out apples for his family and realized that Jim, my husband, has likely never, ever bought an apple. Not for his family, not for himself. I buy the apples. All the apples...which are usually gala because those are what I like. Even when the girls lived at home, I was the family apple buyer.

Considering my apple for yesterday's breakfast and all the apples I've bought in the past while Jim has never bought a single one, I thought of some other things that Jim has never done in our 30+ years together. Things he's never done because I did them. For example:

Five things my husband has never done (because I did/do)

1. Not only has Jim never bought apples, he's never done the weekly shopping for our household.

2. He's never wrapped all the Christmas gifts. Or birthday gifts.

3. He's never played Tooth Fairy.

4. He's never done the back-to-school shopping. Or any clothes shopping with and for our daughters. (A special hell all its own, one you may know if you've had teen daughters.)

5. He's never cooked breakfast for the family.

Seeing how it's the political season, though, and I don't want to seem as mud-slinging as those running for office, in the interest of providing fair and balanced coverage here on Grandma's Briefs, I offer this:

Five things I have never done (because my husband did/does)

1. I've never changed a tire. Ever. Embarrassing but true.

2. I've never climbed an extension ladder and hung holiday lights on the outside of our house.

3. I've never worked three jobs at one time to keep our family afloat.

4. I've never wired a light fixture, a ceiling fan, an outlet that needed repair.

5. I've never changed a catheter bag. He did—mine, twenty or so years ago during an especially scary time. (Probably more scary for him than me, to be honest.)

Now is the place in my post that I should be wrapping it all up with a point. That point, though, has morphed, the more I wrote, the more I considered my lists.

I originally planned to point out what a helpful son-in-law I have, for Preston not only buys apples and has even done the weekly shopping, he changes poopy diapers and bathes my grandsons pert-near as often as does my daughter. While that's cool and admirable and something I appreciate, it's no longer my point.

My point now is this: Who needs a husband to buy freakin' apples when they're willing to change your pee bag?

Not me.

photo: stock.xchng

Today's question:

What is your favorite kind of apple? (Bet that's not the question you expected, is it?)

5 things I've learned this week

While visiting my grandsons this past week, I've learned a thing or two. Or five.

1. The desert climate isn't unbearable all the time. In fact, I've rather enjoyed the weather this past week, as the highs were in the low 80s or below. I was out walking in the sunshine with my grandsons while everyone back home—including Mickey and Lyla, my dogs and usual walking companions—braved freezing temps and snow flurries.

2. I'm an old lady. At least in the eyes of my oldest grandson. I first thought Bubby's comments on my age were random silliness. As they added up, though, there was no denying he considers me an old woman. Examples:

• As I mentioned a few days ago on Facebook, regarding a conversation about Halloween costumes — Bubby: What are you gonna be for Halloween, Gramma? Gramma (not planning on dressing up and having to think quickly of SOMEthing): I'm gonna be an old lady. Bubby: So like you already are?
• When he and I headed to the grocery store in Megan's car last night, he let me know as we backed out of the garage, "This is a fast car, Gramma—even when old ladies are driving."
• During a discussion of Reese's candy bars, he decided I pronounce it funny. "That's okay," he consoled me. "That's how old women say it."

3. Those grocery carts with an attached play car at the front are a pain to drive. Bubby wanted to ride in the car as we shopped. When I first said no, he answered with, "I understand." Which naturally made me give in. It was my first time driving one, as my daughters never rode in those. In fact, I don't think those were around when my girls were little. They're a true pain in the <cuss> to steer because they're so long. Yes, I had a few fender-benders. But Bubby enjoyed the bumper car action without complaint. I'm not positive I can say the same about the other shoppers.

4. I'm no longer a light sleeper. I was once a light sleeper, awaking at the slightest sound as I kept an ear out for my daughters—for safety's sake when they were little, to bust them on being out past curfew when older. Not anymore. Mac has had trouble sleeping of late, screaming off and on throughout the night in the room right next to where I'm sleeping, yet I learned of his restless times only when Megan or Preston mentioned it each morning.

5. Even old ladies (see No. 2 above) get nervous about meeting new friends. I'm meeting my bloggy friend Connie from Family Home and Life for the first time in real life this morning. That said, I'm also looking forward to it as I learned a long time ago—not this week—that old ladies still like making and meeting new friends, too, despite the nerves.

Today's question:

What have you learned this week?

5 ideas for autumn walks with kids

With the arrival of fall, the temperatures finally lowered to a bearable range in the desert, where I'm currently visiting my grandsons. When I visited in the summer, triple-digit temps kept us indoors. Now, though, pleasant weather beckons us outdoors, and walks are a great way to enjoy the season.

Here are a few ideas for autumn walks, several of which I hope to take with Bubby and Mac before I head back home to the mountains.

Halloween decoration tour. This one we did yesterday. Bubby took the lead in showing Gramma the most festive and fun—and sometimes scary—homes in his neighborhood. We saw everything from simple Jack-o-Lanterns to silly cemeteries, hanging (and some buried) skeletons and witches and more. In true tour-director fashion, Bubby ended the walk by declaring the last stop on the route the winner of the Best Decoration contest and posed for a photo with Mac in front of their favorite.

Penny walk. First, a word of warning: Don't try this not at home, for you just may end up lost if traversing an unfamiliar neighborhood. As you venture off, use a penny toss to determine your route by declaring a toss for heads being a left turn, a toss for tails being right. At each street corner, toss the coin again to decide which way to go. Once you've tossed and turned time and again, you may need to toss once more (or off and on throughout the walk) to decide whether to head back home or continue on.

Alphabet walk. Print the alphabet, A to Z, down a piece of paper, then cross off each letter as you see things starting with that letter. A is for airpline, animal, ant. B is for blue sky, bike, buildings. C is for car, cat, cactus. And so forth. With 26 letters to mark off the list, this walk requires plenty of time—and creative thinking for a handful of letters, such as Z, X, K and Q.

Picture-taking walk. This one was our original plan when we set out for our walk yesterday, as Bubby received a nifty digital camera for kids from Aunt Brianna for his birthday a few months ago. Dead batteries in Bubby's camera led us to opt for Plan B—the Halloween decoration tour instead. As long as batteries are charged, though, budding photographers of all ages will enjoy heading out with camera in hand to capture pics befitting a designated category. Ideal themes for fall are leaves, animals, signs of weather (clouds, blowing trees, etc) bugs, and more. And, of course, Halloween decor, too.

Do you hear what I hear? Going for a walk typically means looking about and taking in the sights. Add a twist to your outing by keeping track of all the sounds you hear while out and about, too. With big sounds like trucks, sirens, dogs barking and motorcycles, down to lower volume beauties including wind chimes, bees buzzing and leaves rustling, there's no shortage of audible delights on an autumn adventure.

Today's question:

What do you most enjoy about autumn walks?

18 things I love about October

Leaves dancing in the street.

Snow on Pikes Peak.

Taking the sunshades down from my kitchen skylights.

Pumpkin-flavored anything and everything. (Except pumpkin-flavored macaroni and cheese. Which I have tried...and didn't like.)

The anticipation and excitement of little ones looking forward to Halloween. Not just my grandsons but even those I hear in stores, chattering away to Mom about the costumes they want, what their friends plan to be, the candy they love.

Lady in White, which I watch this time of year every year.

Sweater weather.

Sock and slipper weather, too.

Kids in Halloween costumes. Especially when they look like this:

Or this:

(Megan will surely one day pay for the cuteness she foisted upon her boys.)

Indian Summer. Far less hot and harsh than regular summer.

No more watering or worrying about the flowers and more in the front yard, back yard, side yard.

No more fans scattered about the house.

Snuggling once again with my cat Abby, who was continually pushed away during hot weather.

Blankets back on the beds. And curling up under them for my nightly read.

The first wafts of smoke from wood burning in a neighbor's fireplace. (We typically wait til November to burn a fire in ours.)

Caramel apple taffy.

Visits with my grandsons. We always visit in October. This year I'm fortunate to have two visits planned—one at the end of this week, another at the end of the month. An extra-special reason to love this October in particular.

Today's question:

What do you love about October?

Pit bulls, owl quotes, and guilty babies

As long-time readers may have noticed—because of postings here and here, to name a few—I'm continually amused and sometimes even touched by the search terms that lead people to Grandma's Briefs.

Time again for me to share with you those that most make me go "Huh?"

First off, let me say that other than phrases related to grandmas and grandsons, always at the top of the query list for my site is pit bull. Why? Well, my dog Mickey is part pit bull (other part pointer). I occasionally blog about him. Apparently a lot of people are searching—be it out of love, fear, or disdain—for information on animals that look and act much like my Mickey. All I can figure is I need to start another blog, perhaps called Pit Bull Briefs. I have no doubt, according to my list of query terms, that it would be quite popular—at least on the search engines.

Other than pit bull, here are some of my more curious queries in the last week, plus links to what the unsuspecting searchers ended up being directed to.

I love macaroni — Believe it or not, in the past week I've had not only one person but two who reached Grandma's Briefs by typing that into the Google search bar. I do love macaroni, especially when paired with cheese. I have a feeling my fellow mac lovers were a little disappointed, though, when their love affair led them here.

Owl quotes — I'm not sure how, when, or why someone might think they'd find quotes from owls online (Is it even possible to quote an owl? Do they say anything quote worthy? In a language we'd understand?), but again, not just one but two people got here looking for wisdom from owls. Instead, they got this, which does feature a cool owl photo (not by me), but nothing uttered by an owl, not even a hoo-hoo of any sort.

Scholarships for grandmas — If there is such a thing, I want to sign up, too. Maybe the searcher, if they happen to be reading this, will share the successful results from their search. This sponsored post certainly didn't get them any closer to the pot of gold they were searching for.

Not just a chicken bagel recipe — I've heard of several kinds of bagels but never a chicken bagel. They certainly got something that's not just a chicken bagel recipe when they stumbled upon my Homemade Bagels post.

Guilty baby — This one makes me sad, to be quite honest. Babies are innocent, guiltless beings—even when at their most frustrating. I worry why one might search for that term and what they plan to do to the baby they assume is guilty. It's even more disconcerting when seeing that three people used that specific search term and ended up on Grandma's Briefs. I hope they thought twice about the guilt of the child in question when they were met with my post on being a guilt-ridden grandma.

So not guilty!

"Stinky diaper" — Yes, it even had the quote marks around it. If a dirty diaper was a challenge for them, I can only imagine what they thought when landing on my Tough (Grand) Mudder post.

Hide in leaves — If you need directions on how to do it, you're seriously missing out on the fallen leaf fun. Bubby had no trouble figuring it out, as evidenced here.

What is one word for not improved — Apparently this person never heard of an online thesaurus. I doubt this post gave them what they sought. Though maybe they enjoyed the photo of Bubby and Mac.

What to write about a grandson's smile — Nothing curious about that one, really. It's just a sweet search. And one that made me smile. I hope what they found here helped them write what they'd hoped to — and made them smile.

Today's question:

What did you last search for online?

9 ways to lift a grandma's spirits

I've been feeling a little down lately because I can't get my <cuss> wireless network to work in my house. Why is wireless that important? Because my work takes place online, and I prefer—sometimes need—to do that work wirelessly. Plus, I just plain want it, and that should be good enough reason.

These are my wireless devices that previously networked nicely, some for years:

• My computer

• Jim's computer

• My iPhone

• My wi-fi radio

• My printer

• Netflix

They did just fine up until last Wednesday. Then *poof* the wireless went wacko for reasons unknown. Now the only devices working are my computer and my wi-fi radio. No computer time for Jim. No Netflix for either of us.

Not being able to figure out why is making me crazy. Even more so now that when the Comcast tech visited yesterday, he tested all the vitals, replaced cables, scratched his head, said, "I've never run into such a thing," then apologetically told me I'm on my own since I do have one computer working, proving my Internet works and wireless connectivity isn't their job.

In light of the craziness (and crabbiness) my computer connectivity issue has caused, I'm in need of some serious spirit lifting. I'm fortunate for these spirit-lifters that made a difference the last few days:

1. A weekend visit from my youngest.

2. An afternoon with my mom and sister, at the urging—and chauffeuring—of my youngest.

3. Friday food and fun with my youngest, oldest, and hubby.

4. Videos of Bubby and Mac.

5. A text from a friend telling me she's at an outdoor wedding at a public garden venue and it reminds her of my back yard.

6. Picking my one and only zucchini from my garden. (At least I got one, which I keep telling myself is far better than none.)

7. New reading glasses—three pair, in fact, courtesy of the combo pack at Wal-mart.

8. A check for freelance work that came sooner than expected.

9. Only 16 days left until Jim and I fly to the desert to see Bubby and Mac again.

Despite still seeking the ultimate spirit lifter of all—a solution to my wi-fi woes—those are the things that helped, those are the things I need to keep in mind and focus on.

And I'll do exactly that—after I check just one more setting that just might be the answer...

photo: stock.xchng/channah

Today's fill-in-the-blank:

__________ always lifts my spirits when I'm feeling down.