The grandma in a box

This post was named People's Choice in the humor category in the 2013 BlogHer Voices of the Year.

A STORY:

Once upon a time there was a woman.

Who had a husband.

And three daughters.

Plus one house, two cats, two dogs, and an addiction to collecting books and pictures of people she loved.

And she had a writing job that had nothing—yet everything—to do with all of the above that she loved.

She liked rock music, independent films, and playing games with her friends—which was usually paired with a wee bit of drinking, too, whiskey or beer but never, ever umbrella drinks of any sort.

The woman also liked learning new things, especially when it came to computers, cameras, cooking and cantatas.

(She also really liked alliteration, so cantatas worked far better in that sentence than piano.)

The woman loved her mom, her dad, her brothers and sisters. She loved Jesus and America, too—as well as stories and songs that turned her heart inside out.

The woman liked the things most women do. No matter what their age.

Eventually the woman’s daughters grew up and flew away. One got married and had two sons.

Which made the woman a grandma. Yet another thing she loved.

So the woman added to her writing job, writing about those grandsons. Writing about them online—along with lots of other things she'd write about—on a blog.

Which was confusing to some.

It wasn't the writing on the blog that confused some, it was the being a grandma. Grandmas are old and know nothing about being online. Or anything interesting at all, for that matter. Grandmas rock in rocking chairs, they hug and kiss their grandkids, they pull up their gray hair into buns. Maybe they crochet. But that's pretty much it.

At least that's what it seemed some non-grandma bloggers thought of grandma bloggers. They’re only grandmas. They’re old. They’re boring. And they’re invisible if there's the G-word in their name, the G-word in their game.

Once a grandma,only a grandma, they thought.

Some unenlightened brands, bloggy networks, and PR folks seemed to think the same thing, too.

If they even thought of grandmas at all.

Other grandmas understood. Other grandma bloggers really understood—even those who didn’t write specifically about their grandchildren, about being a grandma.

The other grandmas understood because all of the grandmas, online and off, were put in the very same box. Were trying to get out of the same box. Together were saying, HEY, you meanies who squished us up into this uncomfortable GRANDMA box: We want out! We love our grandkids way beyond words, but they’re not all we love. Can’t you see we are so much more than grandmas? Can’t you see we are all that we were before? Can't you see that we are now all that AND a bag of potato chips, er, grandmas!

But the non-grandmas didn’t see any of that. They didn't see the woman and her fellow grandmas pounding on the box. All they saw was the word GRANDMA. And the box.

If they saw anything at all.

Every once in a while, someone did see something at all. Mostly it was just the word GRANDMA, though, and they thought the boxed-up grandmas would be happy as clams to talk about canes and assisted living centers and denture cream and gadgets that help them when they’ve fallen and can’t get up.

Those non-grandmas didn’t realize grandmas can and do get up. On their own. And they get down, too. That they're still vibrant and relevant. That they still love music. Still have jobs that have nothing to do with being a grandma, yet love the job of being a grandma, too. They still have spouses and daughters and sons and parents and brothers and sisters and animals and friends and interests.

And that they do all the very same things they did before they became grandmas.

They even—gasp!—still have S-E-X.

And they still talk about and write about things that matter, with people and for people who matter.

So that woman who was now a grandma but still had a husband and three daughters and still really loved all sorts of things non-grandmas think grandmas shouldn't or couldn't like decided to write about being stuck in the GRANDMA box.

In hopes others might see her and her grandma friends in there and let them out.

Or…perhaps they might do nothing at all.

But at least that grandma who loves, loves, loves being a grandma yet is so much more than a grandma would have her say.

Then she ended her plea for release from the GRANDMA box with an oh-so cute photo of her grandsons. Simply because she could.

And to further confuse those non-grandmas who Just. Don't. Get. It. 

THE END

Today's question:

Anyone second that emotion?

Story time: Good Day, Bad Day

Open communication with your grandkids matters immensely and is always worth encouraging any way you can. Here is a brief story I wrote, for you to share with the little ones in your life to initiate conversations about their days.

Good Day, Bad Day

 

Watching the clouds, imagining shapes,
Visiting the zoo and acting like apes.
Bad day?
Good day!

Falling at school, getting scratched up and bruised,
Having mud splashed on your favorite new shoes.
Good day?
Bad day!

Being picked leader for the day in your class,
Finding a ladybug deep in the grass.
Bad day?
Good day!

Riding your bike when the tire goes flat,
Then the wind blows away your favorite hat.
Good day?
Bad day!

Presents from Grandma that came in the mail,
Watching the boat you made take off and sail.
Bad day?
Good day!

Losing a fight with your older brother,
Tearing the picture you colored for Mother.
Good day?
Bad day!

Getting a shot and feeling no pain,
Seeing a rainbow after the rain.
Bad day?
Good day!

Days can be happy and days can be sad.
Good day or bad day—which have you had?

©Lisa Carpenter/art: Microsoft images

Today's question:

Good days or bad? Which have you most recently had?

The Saturday Post: Budapest edition

From Billy Collins, former US Poet Laureate (2001-2003):

Considering trading in my keyboard for a fountain pen!

Today's question:

When did you last write any form of poetry?

Tooting my horn

Baby Mac & Bubby: The reason for Grandma's BriefsI don't often toot my own horn, but today I'm going to do just that. For you, the readers of Grandma's Briefs. Honest.

I realized as I wrote my most recent post for Grandma's Back Room that many of you may not even know a Back Room exists here on Grandma's Briefs. Which is unfortunate because there's some good stuff there, if I say so myself, including holiday posts on this and that.

There's also some great holiday content in the News to Use tab, a tab many of you may have never clicked on. The same can be said about a couple other spots here on Grandma's Briefs, places you may not know exist.

So today I'm going to toot my own horn and direct you to some of the lesser known spots on my site, starting with those that have holiday content—features meant for this season of all things shiny and bright.

For starters there is, of course, the Grandma's Briefs Holiday Guide. It's a rundown of some nifty gift suggestions, based on items I've received the last few months. It's not every item I've gotten for review, just some of those I sincerely thought would make a great gift for someone or another. (There used to be giveaways in the Holiday Guide, too, but those are done, over, awarded. The early holiday birds definitely got the worm there.)

Another spot for holiday news is, fittingly, my News to Use tab. Most recently—meaning yesterday—I added some great gift suggestions that might help you finish up the last of your holiday shopping. Or, if you're like my husband, get started on it.

As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, Grandma's Back Room is a great spot for holiday content, too. It's the place I typically post all my reviews, giveaways, sponsored posts (that still have a personal bent despite my being paid to write them) and, one of my favorite things in the Back Room, the posts I write in hopes of winning awesome prizes for myself. Check out the top post in the Back Room to see what I mean.

For holiday content of a more culinary sort, check out my Recipe Box. It's filled with goodies I've made for years, many for Christmas as well as other holidays...and regular days. (You can also get an easy rundown of only the holiday recipes I've shared on my site at the bottom of the aforementioned Holiday Guide.)

Outside of recipes, news, and reviews—holiday-related or otherwise—you can find the best of the best ideas and anecdotes from grandmothers around the globe by clicking on the tab for the Grilled Grandma archives; awesome shots of my glorious grandsons in the Brag Book; more than you ever cared to know about me by clicking on, crazy as it may seem, the About tab; and links to some of my favorite places online in Links I Love. (By the way, if your blog isn't listed as a link I love, please don't take offense...I'm woefully behind in updating, so if you want to be there, please just say so).

Speaking of archives, you can always click on the link marked "Click for archives by month" in the sidebar to the right to find every single post I've published on the front page of this site since its inception in July of 2009.

There you have it: My horn-tooting, just for you! Enjoy...and feel free to toot back what you find interesting, awesome, silly, or sick ("sick" meaning nauseating or cool, your choice). Or, let me know what you think is missing on Grandma's Briefs and what you'd like to see more of. I appreciate the feedback.

Thanks for indulging me in this rooting, tooting good time!

Today's question (from The Christmas Conversation Piece):

What gift have you wanted for years but still haven't received?

Words, regurgitated

Today is my first full day visiting with Baby Mac, Bubby, and Megan and playing Gramma, so I figured I'd take the easy way out for the day and simply re-run my posts from last week. All of them...except the Grilled Grandma and those from Saturday and Sunday. Only in different form.

So here ya go—last week's posts regurgitated, by way of Wordle:

I'll have fresh words for you tomorrow. I promise.

Today's question:

What else from last week will repeat for you this week?

3 magic words

If any of you are like me -- and I have a feeling there are a few of you -- after reading the title of this post, you're likely scanning the text to discover as quickly as possible the three magic words of which I write. Well, this post doesn't work that way because the three magic words are unique to each person; no generic magic words to be found.

That's right. There's three for me, and there's three for you ... and you ... and you.

Let me explain: Many of you will remember my recent lament about not having epiphanies upon reading articles in MORE and O magazines. Though I've yet to have an epiphany, I did recently read a life-improving article in O, written by Martha Beck, O's goal-achieving guru in residence. The article, loosely translated, describes a new method for achieving one's goals. And since reading it, I've been a little less consumed with epiphanies and more focused on reaching my goals ... with the help of three magic words.

In the article (http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Goal-Setting-Strategies-from-Life-Coach-Martha-Beck), Beck tells the reader to imagine she's achieved an ultimate goal, to actually visualize what achievement of that goal looks like. The ultimate goal for me, the one I visualized in detail, was making my living off my words, through published books and my blog.

Yay for visualization. But that's not the end of the exercise.

Beck says to then think of three adjectives for how you would feel upon reaching such a goal, three words describing your psychological takeaway upon such an achievement. Beck's rationale being, basically, that it's often not the actual achievement we desperately seek, but the feelings and emotional payoff that would accompany the achievement.

In terms of achieving my writing goal, the three adjectives I came up with were creative, empowered and financially secure.

But wait -- that's still not the end of the exercise.

Beck continues by saying that instead of focusing so hard on that specific goal, you should focus on using those three magic words you came up with. She encourages you to engage in actions or tasks that would lead you to feel one or more of those words, even if the tasks aren't directly related to that original goal. Because, again, it's not the goal that soothes the soul, Beck says, it's the feelings we imagine resulting from that goal that we desire. The goals may still be achieved but they're no longer, in and of themselves, the end-all, be-all.

Believe it or not, I think Beck's right. Since doing the exercise, I've focused on tasks and activities that make me feel creative, things that make me feel empowered, things that contribute to being financially secure. Most of the tasks relate to only one of the adjectives at a time, and many of the activities have nothing to do with becoming a well-paid writer. Yet I feel more content about my career goals, my career path.

Because of my improved attitude about my career goals since this little exercise, I thought I'd apply it to another goal/dream of mine to see if it does the same -- the dream of having all my family living nearby ... my children and my grandchildren, all within easy visiting distance.

So I visualized the scenario, the goal, in detail, and I came up with three adjectives related to achieving it. Hence, going forward I will pursue activities that elicit feelings associated with my three new magic words: nurturing, intimate, memorable.

I've just set about putting my new magic words into action, so I'm not sure where they will take me. But I'm crossing my fingers that the three adjectives related to my family goal are as magically effective as those regarding my career goal have been. Even just a smidgen of the magic will be much appreciated if it can ease by the slightest bit the burden of having chunks of my heart living 815 miles away.

It's worth a shot, I believe. I'll share the good news of its effectiveness with you once I see that the magic's in motion.

Abracadabra, here goes!

Photo: Wikimedia Commons

Today's question:

Following Martha Beck's exercise, what is one of your three magic words?

Ramble on

Nothing incredibly profound here today, just a few of the ramblings rumbling 'round my noggin:

• Bubby has been honing his sense of humor and it's an unending pleasure to witness. Tuesday night's Skype session included Bubby telling PawDad and me the name of his soon-to-arrive brother. He got Mommy's goat by insisting again and again ... and again ... that the baby's name is Bubba. Yep, BUBBA. He giggled gloriously throughout the entire tease.

• One of the hazards of not working a regular job is the lack of face time with a calendar. With several physical therapy appointments scheduled with two different therapists -- appointments written on the calendar -- it's possible for one to think they have an appointment and show up for it only to be told that particular appointment is actually the following week. Same day, same time, just the next week. Trust me, it can happen. And did. To me. Yesterday.

• I just don't have it in me to Twitter and tweet enough to raise my Klout score. Tell me, do I really need Klout?

• Speaking of Ramble On, it used to be that Led Zeppelin rarely -- if ever -- granted permission for their songs to be used in movies and such. In the last few weeks, Jim and I have heard Zeppelin several times in the background (or foreground) in movies and television shows. The Beatles on iTunes, Zeppelin on soundtracks ... sheesh, what's the world coming to?

• Ever wonder how the real Christopher Robin Milne felt about being the model for Christopher Robin in his father's Winnie-the-Pooh books? Probably much like fictional Luke Hayman did serving as the model for the even more fictional Luke Hayseed of "The Hayseed Chronicles" series in Mr. Toppit by Charles Elton, the book I most recently finished ... and enjoyed immensely.

• If you have money to spare and decide to purchase a few domain names from GoDaddy in hopes of later selling those domains for a pretty price, be sure to set the renewal option to "manual" so domains you haven't sold and no longer want don't renew automatically at a time when you no longer have money to spare. Trust me, it can happen. And did. To me. Yesterday. At a time when I no longer have money to spare. To the tune of $172.

• As I mentally prepare for the next semester as site coordinator for the Children's Literacy Center, I think about all the 7-pound-3-ounce curriculum books (true weight each, per my postage scale) I need to move from one site to another. Light bulb moment: I realize that it was after moving a bucket of 10 from the site to my garage at the end of the last session that the pain in my back intensified, initiating my call to the physical therapist. Light bulb moment #2: Mickey wasn't the sole cause of my current disc issues after all. So I hereby publicly apologize to Mickey for blaming him and calling him a cusshead. (But ... if he hadn't freaked in the face of the deer, my back likely would have been okay lugging the books. Maybe.)

• Which reminds me: An apology followed by a but is no apology at all. So amend that apology to "I'm sorry, Mickey, for placing all the blame for my cussed-up back on you."

• Where oh where is the humor in the fact after 20 years of writing picture-book manuscripts I finally, finally, finally get an agent for those books ... just as the death knell inarguably begins ringing for the picture-book market? There is no humor in it. Trust me.

• Three weeks from today I'll be flying to the desert to babysit Bubby for a few days while Mommy and Daddy attend a convention in California. The anticipation has addled my brain, rendering me incapable of formulating a coherent and cohesive post consisting of anything more than bulleted ramblings. I'll try again tomorrow.

Today's question:

What's at the top of your list of Thursday thoughts, rambles, rants?

Update

on 2011-01-13 20:10 by Lisa Carpenter

UPDATE on GoDaddy charge: Woo-hoo! I sucked it up, called GoDaddy and told them I'm stupid, and a wonderfully nice man named Bill told me "GoDaddy will take care of you" and reversed the $172.44! Yeah! GoDaddy rocks!