Mom 2.0: Better than Mom 1.0

I've always considered it a parent's duty to create a better life for their children than the one they had themselves, to improve the family's lot with each generation. Regardless of how grand -- or not -- a person's life may be, there's always room for improvement, and their kids should be the beneficiaries of such.

With that in mind, I've worked hard to ensure my daughters are more content, better educated, more financially secure than I was at their age, along with myriad other upgrades in comparision to how things were for me. Now that they're all adults, I'm seeing the fruits of my labor in all of them, in numerous ways.

But as Megan is the only one of my daughters to become a mother so far, in her I see that not only is she better educated and more financially secure than I was in my mid-20s, she is a much better mom than I was at her age.

Here are nine reasons why I say that:

1. Megan has tricks and techniques for discipline, character building, motor-skill encouraging and more that I never dreamed of when my kids were Bubby's age. Most come by way of her early childhood education training and her work as a pre-K teacher, but that simply means there was a two-fold payoff from my "better educated" goal for my girls.

2. Megan is better at spacing her children than I was. I wouldn't give anything in the world for the way my babies came in rapid succession, as things really do (and did) happen for a reason. But allowing Bubby some time as an only child, with his own room and gads of attention before Baby No. 2 comes along, seems a much better plan than my non-plan nearly 30 years ago.

3. Megan swims. And hikes. And runs. And engages Bubby in outdoorsy pursuits that keep him healthy and happy. I'm a rather sedate, indoorsy kind of mom. I think outdoorsy is better.

4. Megan looks forward to Bubby playing football. I'm just thankful I never had boys and had to endure years of watching my child get knocked around on the field. I honestly don't know that I could have -- or would have -- done it. I may have ended up not allowing a son to play football ... and that son likely would have hated me for that.

5. Megan is more fearless than I ever was. She allows Bubby to find his own footing on play structures, lets him figure out how to get up and down stairs on his own at an early age, lives in the desert where rattlesnakes and scorpions roam, lets Bubby ride Roxy like a horse until Roxy gently decides enough is enough. I'm overprotective to a fault. (Brianna, Andrea, Megan: You never heard me admit that!)

6. Megan let Bubby take the lead in his potty training, making it a non-issue -- and completely accomplished in less than a week. I, on the other hand, scarred Brianna for life, I'm sure, by adherence to the idiotic ideas in a book called "Toilet Training In A Day." A day which was marked by tears, not success.

7. Megan chose godparents according to what was best for Bubby. I (along with Jim) chose godparents with the intent of honoring those chosen.

8. Megan tries new recipes for dinner every night in hopes of widening her family's culinary horizon. Well, not every night, she says, but nearly every night ... and far more often than this mother who tended to go with the tried and true far too often.

9. Last but not least, Megan taught Bubby from a very early age how to make good choices -- something I'm still trying to teach my daughters.

Megan has only one child at this point, whereas when I was her age, I had three. So the real test of my assertion that she's a better mom than I will come when babies No. 2 and No. 3 come along.

Do I question whether she'll pass? Not at all.

I have no doubt whatsoever Megan will pass with flying colors -- colors I likely would never have even dreamt of.

9 books I own - but won't read

I may have mentioned a time or two that I have an addiction ... to books. I buy them, collect them, ask for them as gifts, eagerly request them for reviewing.

Unfortunately I don't read them ... at least not at a rate equal to the rate at which they fill up my shelves.

I do plan to read them eventually. At least most of them.

Here, though, are nine books I own that I've not read. Nine books I likely never will read. Nine books I can't get rid of ... simply because they're old and I like the way they look on my shelf ... even unread.

(Call me shallow, if you wish; you're probably right.)

1. The Complete Plays and Poems of William Shakespeare edited by William Allan Neilson and Charles Jarvis Hill (1942)

2. A Treasury of American Folklore edited by B.A. Botkin with a foreward by Carl Sandburg (1951)

3. The Philosophy of Man by Henri Renard, S.J. (1948)

4. Home Geography by C.C. Long (1894)

5. Guilderoy by Ouida (1903)

6. Phonology and Orthoepy by Albert Salisbury (1907)

7. The Lost Prince by Frances Hodgson Burnett (1915)

8. Lorna Doone by R.D. Blackmore (1906)

9. Gone With The Wind by Margaret Mitchell (1964)

Those aren't the only unread oldies on my shelf; there are plenty more (e.g. Character Reading for Fun and Popularity). But because I like to make list posts that contain 9 things, those are all I'm sharing this time around.

Today's question:

What book(s) do you own that you've not read and possibly never will?

My swollen heart

Sunday afternoon as I sat out on the patio listening to the waterfall gurgle and the birds chirp and warble as they flitted from the waterfall to the birdbath to the flower-covered vines decorating our back fence, an overwhelming sense of gratitude came over me.

Out of nowhere, my heart swelled with gratitude for my crazy house and overgrown yard and that, despite a house payment that doubled when we bought this house -- and the stress accompanying it when we both lost our jobs relatively soon after -- this is the place Jim and I plan to call home for the rest of our days. I love my house. I’m so grateful for my house.

Yes, it’s a material thing. But this material thing makes me happy and content … and grateful.

After a week of thinking about, writing about, cussing about all the things I think suck in my life, all the things I worry endlessly about, it was nice to suddenly, inexplicably realize a plethora of things for which I’m grateful. Things I’m blessed with that truly trump all the fears, doubts, worries and complaints I let get in my way each and every day.

I’m grateful my family – immediate and extended – has never suffered a true tragedy. We often succumb to fear and trembling over imagined tragedies when the reality is that we have been tragedy free and have it pretty darn good.

I’m grateful I was laid off and given the opportunity to consider and pursue a career path that matters to me.

I’m grateful for Jim, who supports that career path even though it means far less money than the one I previously fell into. I'm grateful for Jim for countless other reasons, too.

I’m grateful my girls grew into such lovely, amazing, thoughtful, intelligent, empathetic women … something I never thought would happen while in the throes of the teen years.

I’m grateful for Bubby. And that I get to see him more often than some long-distance grandparents get to see their grandchildren. And that Megan and Preston happily share him with me -- a consideration not all grandparents are afforded.

I’m grateful Megan and Preston are doing the right thing by my grandchild -- another thing not afforded all grandparents.

I’m grateful for a twisted childhood because it twisted me into an unusual shape. It may be a weird shape, but it’s different. And different is good.

I’m grateful that Jim and I continue to have the money we need. Plus some. Plus lots, considering what many others have.

I’m grateful for those who read what I write, who act like the gunk and junk that flows from my head to my fingers and onto the page and screen is worth reading.

I’m grateful for the unexpected gratitude that filled me up, made me consider what matters, what’s important and what’s worth being grateful for.

Photo credit: stock.xchng

Today's question:

What are you grateful for today?

My life in numbers

I'm not a number person. I'm a word person. Which is why I get a little frazzled when it seems my life's focus is on numbers.

Last week, the numbers of highest importance were the number of literacy tutors versus the number of students in need. As a site coordinator for the local children's literacy center, it's up to me to pair up students with tutors for my site -- a true juggling act when the numbers go up and down more erratically than the stock market. Things finally leveled out, luckily, just in time for yesterday's start to the semester.

While tutoring numbers were top priority for a week or so, they were far from the only numbers battling for space in my psyche. Here are nine more:

1. My age. Yes, it's on my mind more than in the past. Surprised? Nah, I didn't think you would be.

2. My bank account. Unlike the number of tutors or students, my bank account numbers aren't erratic. No, they're just always low. Too low for my liking. Which is why I think about them a lot.

3. My weight. I snack more than I should. Salty stuff. Fatty stuff. Even sugary sweet stuff that never used to appeal to me. Paired with the amount of time I spend sitting on my cuss makes for a very ugly number.

4. Steps recorded on my pedometer. I try daily to get in a high number of steps to lower that No. 3 number. Some days it works. Some days it doesn't. Some days I feel like flushing the pedometer down the toilet so I don't have to know the truth about that number.

5. Rejections from editors. I keep my head partially in the sand on this one. The rejections come, but I don't count them. My agent e-mails to say "Here's another very nice rejection" and I write back to say "Thank you very much for that nice rejection." Then she keeps submitting to editors, I keep my fingers crossed. My agent has faith in my book, I have faith in her judgment. One of these days her e-mail will announce a YES, and I will then count up all the rejections it took to reach that answer. Until then I pretend the number doesn't matter. Yet it does. A lot.

6. Blog stats. Visitors, comments, subscribers, bounce rates. Aack! Why do I keep checking the numbers? These are the numbers I'm most obsessed with. These are the ones I'm most tired of thinking about. These are the ones that make not a whit of difference in my life, yet I still obsess over them. Why?

7. Posts not yet read in my Google Reader. I really want to read them all. Honest. Mostly because I have a feeling at least a few of those bloggers -- my friends -- might be as obsessed with their numbers as I am with mine, and I hate to think my not clicking to read might add to their digit distress in even the smallest of ways. Besides, most simply have some really cool things to say that I don't want to miss. I will get through them. Eventually.

8. Books not yet read in my review piles. Spending far too much time on No. 6 and No. 7 has left me with more books waiting to be read and reviewed than I care to admit. Friends have graciously offered help and I've declined any new books until I get through my current stack, yet I still want to kick myself for letting this get so out of hand. And will continue to kick myself until the number of books gets pert near zero.

9. Days before I see Bubby. I thought there'd be a visit in October; now it's not happening. Which means there are 71 days until I see my grandson at Thanksgiving. That's a number I don't like. Maybe I'll get lucky and No. 5 will become a non-issue (meaning I get a big fat YES from an editor!), which means No. 2 would see an uptick, which means I could buy a ticket to see my grandson sooner than Thanksgiving.

Which means No. 9 could be removed from my list.

Or replaced by another number of concern.

Of which the odds of happening are pretty darn high.

Even though I'm really not much of a numbers person.

Really!

Photo courtesy stock.xchng.

Today's question:

What numbers are currently causing you distress -- or elation?

My greatest fears as a grandma

The role of grandma is supposed to be an easy one. Mom and Dad cover all the hard work – changing dirty diapers, teaching table etiquette, instilling a sense of right and wrong – leaving Grandma to do nothing but have fun with the little ones.

That’s how it’s supposed to be, right? But that’s not how it really is. At least not when you’re a grandma with the middle name of “Worrywart.” I worried (and continue to worry) endlessly as a mother, and you can bet your sweet bippy the fretting hasn’t let up just because I’ve moved on to motherhood’s second act.

Here for your amusement – or commiseration – are ...

My nine greatest fears as a grandma:

1. Bubby will love his other grandma more than he loves me.

2. I’ll always be a long-distance grandma, with no opportunity for my loved ones to drop in unexpectedly for dinner, to view my grandson’s sporting events or school programs, or to even be the backup plan when the little one is sick and Mom and Dad can’t wriggle out of work.

3. Something bad will befall Bubby.

4. Something bad will befall Bubby's parents.

5. Bubby will think I’m boring.

6. Bubby will think I’m weird.

7. Bubby will think I’m the greatest thing since LEGOs and garbage trucks and run away from home to live with me.

8. The one and only grandson I have now will always and forever be my one and only grandchild.

9. Bubby will be worn down – lose his vim, vigor, enthusiasm and endless curiosity – by the realities of life as he grows.

Bubby is just two years old at this point; I’m sure my fears and worries will become more concrete, more serious, more scary as he grows. For now, though, these nine are enough to keep me on my toes during the day, keep me awake on certain nights. For now, these nine frazzle me just fine.

Today's question:

How about you? Is “Worrywart” your middle name, too? What's your greatest fear -- as a grandma or otherwise?

Update on 2010-09-13 14:05 by Lisa Carpenter

This post is now featured as a guest post on my bloggy grandma friend Nina's site, Grandma Ideas.

9 things I now understand about grandmas

When I was young, my grandmas were strange yet beloved creatures. As I grew older, I realized it wasn't just my grandmas, but that most grandmas seemed to be strange creatures, all with interesting, amusing, sometimes even downright baffling quirks and mannerisms.

Well, in the short time since joining the ranks of the strange creatures known as grandmas, I've learned they're not so strange after all. While some quirks and mannerisms still remain a mystery, here are ...

9 THINGS I NOW UNDERSTAND ABOUT GRANDMAS

1. I now understand why grandmas wear their eyeglasses on chains around their necks. With six pair of glasses strategically placed around the house, I definitely see the value of wearing them around the neck. I don't do it (yet), but I now understand it.

2. I now understand why grandmas always have the best snacks ever in their kitchens. It's not because their cabinets are always filled with such goodies (Grandma -- and Grandpa -- would weigh 10 tons each if that were the case). It's because they stock up before the little ones visit, ensuring no culinary craving of a grandchild goes unsatisfied.

3. I now understand why grandmas are such excellent cooks ... and/or bakers. They've had years of experience, so what else might one expect? More importantly, though, all their kitchen concoctions include heaping helpings of love, which makes all the difference in the world.

4. I now understand why grandmas are in their jammies by 8 p.m. As it's no longer likely someone will stop by for a visit that "late," why not get comfortable. And even if some night owl did stop by for a visit, grandmas no longer really give a hoot what someone may think of them being in their jammies by 8 p.m. -- or any other time.

5. I now understand why grandmas back in the day wore dresses more often than not. Gosh! It took me years to realize dresses are soooo much more comfortable than pants ... especially jeans. Luckily the house dresses of old are no longer the only casual dress options for grandmas.

6. I now understand why grandmas place protective coverings over the "good furniture." Although I first saw the light on this one in terms of keeping cat hair off certain chairs, I quickly realized how handy it could be for easy cleanup of baby spit-up, leaking diapers or little hands covered in popcorn butter while enjoying a flick with Grandma and Grandpa.

7. I now understand why grandmas spout so many sage (and sometimes silly) words of advice. After years and years of collecting witticisms and adages it's hard not to pass them along to those little pitchers with big ears -- or big pitchers who should use those big ears more often.

8. I now understand why grandmas squeeze their grandchildren so tightly when they hug them. It's because they love the kiddos so darn much they just want to eat them up. Eating them wouldbe rather bizarre though (not to mention illegal), so grandmas simply squeeze and squeeze and squeeze until the impulse to nibble passes ... or until the grandchildren wriggle away.

9. I now understand why grandmas have non-stop smiles on their faces when with their grandkids. The reason? Because nothing -- absolutely nothing -- fills up grandmas and makes them quite as happy as the moments they spend with their grandchildren. (That, or they've just gotten lazy in their old age and are following their own advice regarding it taking 43 muscles to frown yet only a mere 17 to smile.)

Photo courtesy Flickr/freeparking

Today's question:

What do you find amusing, interesting, baffling or bizarre about grandmas -- yours or others' (or even yourself)?

9 things grandmas should never do

1. Never disrespect the choices of your grandbaby's parents. Questionable bedtimes, meals, discipline and more? Sure, you can disagree with the choices, just do so respectfully. As long as you ...

2. Never voice your disagreement or disapproval with the parents in front of your grandchild. Mommy and Daddy are the last word. Grandchildren don't need more ammunition in their battle for getting their way, and repeating words of disagreement from Grandma would be sure-fire ammunition.

3. Never secretly break Mom and Dad's rules. If tantrums mean Junior gets a time-out, give him a time-out. If 8 p.m. is bedtime, tuck him in when the clock chimes eight times. If Mom says only one popsicle, don't you dare offer a second. What? Grandmas are meant to break rules, you say? Notice I said never secretly break the rules. The key is to do it loud and proud and let everyone know in advance the rules will likely be bent a smidgen -- possibly even smashed to pieces -- when Grandma's in charge. Simply be upfront, not underhanded.

4. Never talk bad about your grandchild's other grandparents. Even if you're clearly the very, very best grandma ever, your grandchild still loves his or her other grandma and grandpa. Accept it, deal with it, and don't act like a jealous 12-year-old girl about it.

5. Never try to buy your grandchild's love. Any kid will smile, maybe even squeal with delight, over toys, gadgets, games and other goodies. But things shouldn't make up your PDAs (primary displays of affection). It's time and attention the kiddos want -- and what they'll most love you for.

6. Never ply your grandchild for information about Mom and Dad. Maybe they're going through rough financial times, maybe the marital bliss isn't so blissful, maybe they won the lottery and don't want to share the dough. Whatever the case causing you to be Nosy Nelly, it really is none of your business. Don't recruit your grandchildren for special ops in attempts to make it your business.

7. Never think your bad habits go unnoticed. Swearing, smoking, sipping too much of the sauce, double-dipping, overeating, complaining about your looks, your size, your big butt in the mirror. Little pitchers have big ears ... and eyes ... and impressionable hearts and minds on which such things are etched, things that can be detrimental to his or her physical and psychological well-being. Yeah, even grandmas have issues; just do your best to not pass them along to your grandchildren. They'll undoubtedly have plenty of issues of their own.

8. Never forget that you're a mother, too, not just a grandmother. Love on and brag about the grandchildrens' parents any chance you get. This goes a long way in maintaining the bond with your adult children ... and increases your grandchild's ever-important pride in his or her parents.

9. Never take the time with your grandchildren for granted. Every single minute with the little ones -- whether those minutes include stinky diapers and equally stinky attitudes or giggles and grins and big squeezes around Grandma's neck -- is a gift. Graciously accept it. Sincerely appreciate it. Heartily give thanks for it.

This post is featured in the About.com: Grandparents September Blog Carnival: Grandparents and Grandparenting.

Today's question:

What would you add to the list of things grandmas should never do?

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