Love and marriage: 30 years, 30 reasons

When Jim and I got married, we were oh-so young, with nearly all odds against us.

That was 30 years ago today.

In honor of our thirtieth wedding anniversary, here are 30 reasons why I think our marriage has lasted—despite the odds, statistics, and predictions:

1. We still celebrate our first-kiss anniversary.

2. When one of us says, "Isn't that the one guy from not that one show but the other one, you know, with that woman we don't like who was in that scary movie, but he's put on a lot of weight since the movie where he was a jerk?", the other one totally gets it...and answers with the actor's name.

3-5. Brianna, Megan, Andrea.

6. We love each other's moms as much as we love our own.

7. I'm willing to go to a Randy Travis concert with him; he's willing to go see Chris Cornell with me.

8. We agree that Flight of the Conchords is funny as <cuss>.

9. And that Saturday Night Live isn't anymore.

10-11. Bubby and Mac.

12. We don't share a bathroom. Or use the bathroom at the same time when we have no choice but to share (like when vacationing).

13. We don't share bank accounts or credit cards either.

14. We do, though, share a mortgage—and the agreement that despite our mortgage doubling when we bought our current house, soon followed by both of us losing our jobs and economic <cuss> reigning ever since, we love our home and it's totally worth it.

15. We agree that if stranded on a desert island with only one album, we'd want it to be Pearl Jam's Ten.

16. We have a spare room available for when insomnia, snoring or restless legs get to be too much for the sleepy non-snorer.

17. In the heat of rage-filled moments, we don't call each other nasty names that can't be taken back. (At least not out loud.)

18. We agree that if when we win the lottery, our moms come first when doling out the dough and that gifts of even amounts will be given to all our siblings, despite a couple of them deserving nothing.

19. I cook, he cleans up after. (Okay...I usually help, just to keep him company).

20. We both clean up after entertaining—and agree that it must be done immediately upon guests leaving, not in the morning, no matter how late the entertaining may have ended or how tired we may be.

21. When one of us screws up our finances—because, despite separate accounts, we are indeed joint—neither one lays blame. (At least not out loud.)

22. We agree a house is not a home without pets. And that those pets shall never again be birds or fish or more than two dogs and two cats at one time.

23. He patiently waits until I compose myself when I get verklempt and can't talk, whether it's when discussing a terminal family member or an unexpectedly delightful package delivery.

24. A few hours into the stonewalling after a disagreement, one of us will apologize—even if we know <cuss> well we're not at fault—just so we'll be friends again.

25. That third strand in our marriage cord stayed strong and kept us together when the other two strands, at various times, frayed, gave up or broke completely.

26. We agree that it's sometimes okay to hit the sack before the news. Or to stay up late on a weeknight because we must see what happens next on a series we're streaming through Netflix.

27. We agree that the majority of Christmas gifts should be opened on Christmas morning, not Christmas Eve.

28. We have similar stranger-than-fiction-and-Jerry-Springer families and histories few others would understand...or believe.

29. We take pride in owning—and aren't willing to pass to others—the title of Longest Married Couple In Our Families (even longer than our older siblings and our parents).

30. We grew up together. Like two intertwined saplings that grow together into big, strong—though entangled—trees, if you try to separate them, one or both will surely die. Or so I've convinced him.

Happy anniversary, Jim. Here's to 30 more years and 30 more reasons!

Today's fill-in-the-blank:

The key to a successful relationship is _________.

Rock on

Jim and I had overnight guests Wednesday night. It was a short and simple hosting stint as we were merely the midway stopping point for extended relatives going from here to there. Nothing draining, as guests—even the most beloved, most welcomed—can often be. Once our guests left and the house was empty, though, I wanted nothing more than to grab my cup of coffee and sit out on the back deck in my rocking chair.

So I did. I rocked and rocked while listening to the birds chirp and the waterfall gurgle. The dogs investigated the far reaches of the yard, and the cats sat inside at the window, wishing I'd let them out to join us. The breeze blew gently, the temperature grow warmer, my coffee grew colder. Outside, plants needed watering, flowers needed deadheading. Inside, email needed to be answered, a post needed to be written.

But all I wanted to was rock. And rock...and rock...and rock.

As I sat there rocking, I realized rocking is something I never tire of. It's one of the very few things I never tire of, may possibly be the only thing I never tire of. I love spending time with my husband, my family, my friends, and, without a doubt, my grandkids. Extended time with even those I love the very most, though, can be draining, tiring. I'm an introvert at heart, I get my energy from time alone.

Yet even those things I do alone, my solitary pastimes I enjoy pursuing solo, aren't activities I can do without end. I tire of baking, being on the computer, of reading, of writing, of listening to music, of trying to play music. I can only walk for so long, take photos for so long, sit and do nothing for so long, without tiring of whatever it is I am—or am not—doing.

Except rocking.

I have rocking chairs of various sorts inside my house, outside my house. There's a wooden rocker in the upper-level porch and one in the spare bedroom. A glider/rocker sits in the living room, another in the family room. I have a wooden rocker on the deck, a rocker-like swing in the back yard. All awaiting me, all ready to be set into motion.

The back and forth...back and forth...back and forth of those rockers fit whatever my mood, beat in time with whatever my heart rate. Rocking calms me when I'm riled, soothes me when I'm sad, helps me burn off energy when I'm tense, excited, nervous, angry, exhultant, worried.

I find peace in rocking.

I never grow tired of rocking.

I rock on.

photo: stock.xchng

Today's question:

What do you never tire of?

The Saturday Post: 'I will be a hummingbird' edition

Thank you to @allthingsfadra for sharing this earlier in the week.

It was exactly the right thing at exactly the right time.

Happy Saturday, my friends.

Remake America: Getting through tough times together

Times are tough—for many of us, if not all of us. I must admit that the last couple of years have been the most economically difficult ones Jim and I have faced in our 30 years together, due to lost jobs, lost income, lost retirement funds. And we're far from being out of the woods yet.

We're definitely not alone. Yahoo's Remake America web series makes that abundantly clear—while providing hope for all of us. The Remake America weekly video series, an election year initiative that kicked off in March, follows the lives and challenges of six families as they strive to get back on track toward achieving the American dream. The tagline of the show is Real families, real challenges, your solutions as Yahoo! visitors are invited to participate and connect with the families by viewing the weekly episodes then posting comments—advice, opinions, encouragement—for the folks featured. Additionally, experts weigh in on the challenges of the chronicled families.

One great thing—at least as far as instilling hope for struggling grandparents like many of us here on Grandma's Briefs—is that one of the six stories on Remake America is that of grandparents Bill and Donna Clarke (above). The Clarkes face tough challenges similar to what other baby boomers may be currently working through.

For many years, Bill and Donna lived “the American dream.” They provided well for their three children, owned two homes, traveled the world. Then Bill suffered a stroke. He could no longer work the corporate position he'd held for years, so he and Donna decided to open their own hardware business. They used their retirement funds and now, thanks to the economy bringing their livelihood to the brink of collapse, Bill and Donna are struggling, to say the least. Difficult as it is facing home foreclosure and more, matters are made worse as their daughter Erin, a single mom of three-year-old twins who's featured along with them in "Remake America" episodes, faces losing her home as well.

The Clarkes were one of the families chosen for Remake America because their story was so impactful, says DeAndrà Harrison of DKC Public Relations, Marketing & Government Affairs, a representative for Remake America. After the tragedy of his stroke, "Bill had a second chance, instead of just saving his money and surviving, he put it all in a business that he had no idea would be successful. They have been struggling to hold on to that 'second chance' ever since."

You might think viewing Bill and Donna's struggles would be depressing, but the Clarkes express surprising hope and optimism. I had the opportunity to ask a few questions of Bill, and his responses show the same positive attitude he and his family exude in the Remake America episodes, despite the challenges they face and difficult choices they must make.

Grandma’s Briefs: In what ways has it been difficult for you to share your circumstances and challenges (hardships with business, foreclosure of home, etc) with strangers online?
Bill Clarke: It has not been difficult sharing our situation with strangers. Once we first made the decision to participate, we did not look back!

GB: What have been the positive outcomes of your experience with Remake America? What are some of the negative outcomes?
BC: The overall experience has been very positive. We would definitely do it again. Thanks to RA, our business really has a chance to survive. I feel overwhelmed with the support we have gotten from so many strangers. It's just great to see Americans helping Americans.  I am surprised at the communications I get about us being an inspiration to other small business owners. The only negative part is some of the comments, but we try to not let that bother us.

GB: How has your situation affected your time as a grandparent?
BC: I just don't have the time I wish I did to spend with my grandchildren. I just missed Erin's twins' birthday party. I hate that. I felt I missed a lot with my own kids because of my job, and here I go again!

GB: What do you hope your children and grandchildren learn from you documenting your challenges?
BC: I hope my grandchildren and others watching learn to keep praying, and keep swimming. With the help of God, and lots of hard work, anything is possible.

GB: Your daughter Erin is facing financial difficulties of her own and is also featured in Remake America episodes. How does it feel to be going through the tough times at the same time as your daughter?
BC: I hate not being able to help my daughter financially. It is very difficult watching her struggle, and know I can do little to help. I just have to trust in her heavenly father.

GB: What have you learned about yourselves—personally and as a couple—from your health and financial struggles as well as by being featured on Remake America that you would not have learned otherwise?
BC: I have learned what I already knew, that my wife is terrific. She has been through so much since my stroke. It has been so wonderful to have her at my side.

You can view the most recent Remake America episode featuring Bill and Donna Clarke HERE. Be sure to view previous episodes, too, to learn their story from the beginning. And don't hesitate to leave comments for Bill and Donna. They may be the grandparents being featured, but we're all going through these economic struggles together, and a little encouragement and hope goes a long way toward recovery for us all.

Remake America is part of Destination 2012, Yahoo! News’ yearlong elections program. Find out more and catch up episodes featuring the Clarkes as well as the stories of the five other families featured by visiting Remake America on Yahoo!

Photo credit: Anna Naphtali Photography

Disclosure: I was not compensated in any way for this post.

Today's question:

What advice has best helped you get through difficult economic times, past or present?

Brain fog, head games and Cranium Crunches

I always admired my mother-in-law's determination to keep her mind functioning as well as possible. She did crossword puzzles every single day and regularly engaged in new activities to help keep the wheels of her aging brain turning.

I used to enjoy crossword puzzles but I've done only a handful in the past decade or so. I did start taking piano lessons in my forties in hopes of increasing the dendrites in my brain, those little networking cables that make the mind move better the more you have. Unfortunately, though, I had to eliminate piano lessons when money got tight. My determination to keep up the practicing sans lessons pooped out soon after, as well as my dendrite production.

My mind and memory have apparently pooped out, too. A recent lunch with a friend I'd not seen in more than five years made me all too aware of my egregious lack of recall. As my friend and I and her daughter dined and discussed getting together with our husbands for a game night, I told my friend that although I don't know her husband, he must be a pretty good guy if she's married to him. To which she responded that I have indeed met him, have actually had him and her over to our house for a barbecue several years ago.

I didn't remember. At all. And felt pretty stupid about it. I couldn't even blame it on having a few too many beers during that forgotten BBQ because it wasn't that kind of a gathering, considering her then-adolescent kids had attended and enjoyed hanging out in our hot tub. Which I didn't recall either. At all.

Again, I felt pretty stupid. I wanted to blame the brain fog on having MS, to say, "Oh, I must have a sclerosis smack dab on top of that specific memory." But that would be even more stupid. And surely a lie.

Truth is, my brain fog, my memory, my total (or even partial) recall has been getting worse and worse and worse as I age. And I'm not really all that aged. But I find myself more often than before forgetting what I was going to say in certain circumstances, and I've become pretty bad at brainiac things I was once good at, like word play and matching games and puzzles.

I've found help, though. It's free, it's fun, it makes a difference, and it can be enjoyed by anyone at any age. It's called Cranium Crunches.

Cranium Crunches is the brain child (yes, pun intended; I can still throw together a pun now and then) of Ruth Curran. Curran, who is degreed in psychology and has extensive research experience, hatched the idea for the site after witnessing dementia issues with her parents—attributable to cancer and chemo in her mother's case, Parkinson's disease in her father—and the difference puzzles and games made in restoring their cognitive ability and their confidence.

"I set out to create a series of photo based puzzles that remind us of our lives," Curran says, "a set of brain exercises with cross generational appeal that provide a safe place to practice those skills that might be slipping, work on/hone some skills, improve focus, or just look at some cool photos and tell stories. It had to be free, require no subscription, no plan, no commitment—just come and play."

Which is exactly what Cranium Crunches provides, as well as a page on what games will help you most. The selection of photo-based games and puzzles include Memory Match, Find the Difference, One of These Things is Not Like the Others and more. All the games are quite fun and engaging, but my favorite so far has been Find the Difference, mostly because I'm determined to find them all before my time is up (which I've not yet been successful at). With increasing degrees of difficulty, it's easy to choose one you like and get better and better and better at it, all the while exercising that cranium and achieving an ageless brain in tip-top shape.

Ageless and tip-top shape is my goal for my brain. I've got quite a ways to go, though, according to the scores I've earned so far in my Cranium Crunches game play. But it's a start. And it's fun. And it's something I plan to incorporate into my daily routine—just like my mother-in-law used to do with her crossword puzzles.

photo: stock.xchng

Disclosure: I wrote this blog post while participating in a campaign by BOOMboxNetwork.com on behalf of Cranium Crunches and received payment for my participation. All opinions stated within are my own.

Today's question:

What do you like to do to keep your mind challenged and exercised?

Some day is now

Like many mothers, things I wanted to do and achieve for myself during the childrearing years were put on the backburner in favor of what my kids wanted, what they needed. In a busy nest filled with babies to birth and bathe and feed and teach how to fly—protecting and doing my best to form them into fine, functioning, happy, kind and compassionate contributors to society—there was no time to consider much less execute my plans for personal goals. So they were set aside, placed on a list of things I'll do some day.

Some day arrived last Saturday. With a nest that's been empty for some time now, I finally—finally, I say—plucked one of the items from my "Some Day I'll..." list, gathered the goods, and accomplished something I had been wanting to do for years.

I made bagels.

Homemade bagels.

From scratch. The kneading, the forming, the boiling, the topping with yummy cheeses and cinnamon (not on the same ones, of course), and the baking to golden perfection. I did it all.

Yes, indeed, I made bagels.

And yes, indeed, they turned out awesome.

So awesome, in fact, that I called Jim out of bed earlier than he wished to be called on a Saturday morning. "Come look at what I made for breakfast," I coaxed him. "I'm so proud of myself! You will be, too!" And he was.

I texted my three daughters with photos of my achievement. They oohed and aahed and said "Yum!" and Brianna texted, "Can I come over for breakfast?" And she did. And I shared.

And I grabbed my camera to share my bagelicious beauties with you, too. 

See what I mean? They look good enough to rival those we spent years and years purchasing from the bakery, the bagel shop. I can honestly say—and Jim and Brianna concur—they tasted as good as they look. So not only will I share with you the photo, I'll share with you the recipe, too.

This is a combined recipe, a melding of one from Taste of Home Cooking School Cookbook and the one included with my bread maker. Yes, I used the bread maker for the kneading, so this recipe is geared toward placing the ingredients in that, but you could surely make them without one.

Homemade Bagels

1 1/4 cups warm milk

1/2 cup butter, softened

1 egg yolk

4 cups bread flour

1 teaspoon salt

2 tablespoons sugar

1 1/2 teaspoons active dry yeast or bread machine yeast

Melted butter, for brushing on tops

Toppings such as cinnamon sugar, cheese slices (I used cheddar, colby/jack, and pepper jack), poppy seeds, sesame seeds, onion bits, if desired

Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Place all ingredients except melted butter and toppings in machine in order listed, making a well in the flour for the yeast. Let the machine knead the dough one time (about 10 minutes), then turn off machine and let dough rise 20 minutes in the machine.

On floured surface, divide dough into 12 circles. Push your thumb through center of each circle to make the hole, and stretch to form bagel shape. Place circles on a well-greased baking sheet, cover, and let rise for 15 to 20 minutes.

In nonaluminum pan, slightly boil two inches of water. Slowly submerge three or four bagels at a time into the water. Cook for about 30 seconds on one side then flip and cook about 30 seconds on the other. Carefully remove bagels with slotted spoon and place on wire racks to let excess water drip off.

Place bagels back onto well-greased baking sheet. Brush tops with butter then add toppings, if desired. Bake 8-10 minutes or until slightly browned.

Makes 12 medium bagels (though I ended up with 13 because one of the 12 was huge so I divided it)

A little time consuming, yes. But hard? Not at all. And definitely worth it. I kept asking myself—after Should I have another...and another?—why in the world I didn't try making bagels sooner. Like when my bagel-loving daughters were still at home. They shouldn't have been placed on a some day list, they should have been made now, even back when the now seemed so impossibly busy.

Those boiled and baked delights have me looking at my some day list in a new light. In a nest emptied of kids but filled with time and possibility, there's no stopping me now. That's the kind of wild woman I've become, by golly—a wild, homemade-bagel-making woman, that is.

Like I said: There's no stopping me now.

Today's question:

What's your favorite kind of bagel? Have you ever tried making them yourself?

Weekend projects

When Jim and I bought our current house nearly five years ago, the oddball place boasted many, um, unique features. One was what the folks we bought it from called an "antique lemonade stand."

A couple weeks ago as I sat in the backyard, with that eyesore lemonade stand in full view, I considered how we might go about tearing it down and putting something cool in its place. Then I came up with a brilliant idea: I would turn that lemonade stand into a food stand for Bubby and Baby Mac to play with when they visit. They got a kick out of the mock restaurant and ice cream stand at the children's museum recently, so I imagined they'd be delighted with a similar plaything at Gramma's.

With that in mind, I purchased some vintage signs, bought a few gallons of paint, hosed down the antique stand, and made its transformation my project for the long Memorial Day weekend.

With help from Brianna, that old antique lemonade stand went from this:

To this:

All spiffed up and ready for me to stock with an OPEN/CLOSED sign, a bell to ding for service, and plastic delights. The food stand will be ready for business by the time Bubby and Baby Mac arrive near the end of June. Plus, I have plenty of paint left over to transform our old outdoor dining set into the perfect spot for food stand customers to enjoy their treats.

I was right in thinking Bubby will love it. When I texted photos of the stand to Megan to share with Bubby, this was her response:

"B said to me (after seeing the pictures), 'I want you to sit down at one of the chairs and after you can come up to the food stand and tell me what you want. And then you can come up to the ice cream place and pick your flavor! I think you want strawberry." :) Nice work, sounds like a busy day!"

She was right, too. It was a busy day, a busy weekend, actually. Not just because of the food stand, though, and not just for me.

Jim had a weekend project of his own—finding the leak in our backyard waterfall. The mysterious leak continually caused the water level to fall and our water bill to rise as we had to fill the feature daily to keep it functioning last summer. Jim's job was a much bigger job than mine, so Brianna and I lent a helping hand with that one, too.

Between the three of us, our backyard waterfall went from this:

To this:

No more leaks!

Two big projects knocked out in one long weekend.

Jim and I agree: We are so glad the long weekend is over so we can finally relax!

Today's fill-in-the-blank:

I'm glad the long weekend is over because ________.