Get your answers here: Letters to grandchildren, extra servings of Lisa

I like to help folks out. Because of that, I'm always pleased to see that some of what I offer up here on Grandma's Briefs meets the wants and needs of those seeking answers online. I'm talking about the search queries that lead folks here and the answers I (sometimes unintentionally) provide.

For quite some time, one of the top search queries that lands seekers on my site is related to writing to grandchildren. For example, in the past week — just the past seven days — these are a sampling of the searches in that vein that show up in my blog stats:

• letter from grandmother to grandson
• letters to a grandchild going away to college
• grandmother letter to granddaughter
• i love you message + to grandchild
• letter from grandma to grandson
• letter to grandson from grandmother
• letter to my grandson
• letter from grandmother to granddaughter
• little letter to my grandson
• letter to my newborn grandson
• what a great grandmother writes to her first great grandchild
• how to write a letter to my new grandson
• letter to granddaughter on her wedding day
• letter to your newborn granddaughter
• unborn baby letter from grandparents
• 1st birthday letter for grandson
• love letter to unborn grandchild
• message to unborn granddaughter
• ideas for letter for grandchild starting kindergarten

I noticed the trend a while back, wrote about it a while back, and now offer the answer to that particular search, regardless of how it's worded, right here in How to write a keepsake letter to a grandchild.

I also get a lot of search queries related to food. I like food. I like to share food answers, otherwise known as recipes. In the past week, I received several queries for no-crust cheesecake, breakfast pizza, and blackberry cobbler — though it's a blueberry cobbler recipe they find here, with info on using any fruit, so I guess it serves up their answer just the same. I'm happy to help out any time anyone wants a recipe, if it's one I have in my Recipe Box.

I'm also happy to help out any time anyone wants information on Zori Sandals. What? Well, I reviewed Zori Sandals a while back, and it has been at the top of my search query list for quite some time. In fact, in the past seven days, six people have landed here in their search for such, despite my review — the one right here — being more than a year old.

There also are other miscellaneous searches for grandma things that I've provided answers for in the past week, things such as (in the exact search terms) a list of things grandmas need at their house, modern day names for grandmothers, gardening with grandchildren, and countless other "grandma" sorts of stuff.

Queries such as those are easy to answer, easy to see how folks ended up here. What's not so easy? Well, try these recent queries on for size — all searches that resulted in web users landing in my little corner of the online world:

• it seems that grandmas always need a little one to hold (meh... kind of reasonable, I suppose)
• mothers of daughters like me
• "spanking spoon" diapers mom
• And the real kicker and ultimate head scratcher: but i wont do that underwear (Surprisingly, there were two searches for that!)

Ultimately, though, my favorite recent search query had to be when someone simply requested "extra servings of lisa, please."

I hope that seeker found all she'd hoped for and then some — especially because she said "please"!

Today's question:

As I mentioned, I enjoy helping folks out. So what would you like to see more of here on Grandma's Briefs? More grandma stuff? More recipes? More giveaways? More essay-type posts? More this and that related to... well... you tell me. What kinds of "extra servings of lisa" would fill you up when visiting Grandma's Briefs?

New mom possessiveness: Seeking help from the grandmahood

I recently received an email from a pregnant mother who will soon have her first child. As the baby's birth nears, the new mom wrote, she's having difficulty coming to terms with the intense, scary and perfectly normal feelings of possessiveness over her baby — especially in relation to the soon-to-be-born child's grandmothers.

"Can you help?" she asked me.

Seems my post titled Grandma's No. 1 came up when this new mother Googled search queries such as "grandma obsessed with my baby." Admittedly, I just may sound a tad obsessed in that post, but I wrote those words from the heart and believe it's the truth on how many a grandma feels about her grandchildren. We are obsessed.

Which is exactly what concerns this new mother. It's why she asked if I could help her understand us crazy-in-love grandmas — an understanding that may help if her baby's grandmas turn out like the rest of us.

Before I respond to her, though, I'm seeking input from you, the Grandma's Briefs "grandmahood." Together we may properly shed light on why grandmothers feel the way we do. My hope is that as a whole, we can offer some guidance regarding what she calls the "stickiness in my heart" and her overwhelming feelings of possessiveness for her newborn when it comes to the "pretty reasonable" grandmothers in her life, who admittedly "haven't pulled any super crazy overbearing grandparent moves." 

First, of course, I must share with you the new mom's concerns about grandmothers in general and my Grandma's No. 1 post in particular. So here is the bulk of her letter to me:

There was a specific part in your post that bothered me. You said, "The thing is, when it comes to grandkids — and any grandma knows this, so I'm pretty much talking to the non-grandmas here — it's such a fresh, new, overwhelming love that it's hard to not gush and glow over it. New mothers feel the very same world-shaking love for their newborn, for their little ones as they grow..."

I have to very much disagree that grandmothers feel the SAME love for a newborn as their mothers do. Strong and also world-shaking, yes — but not the same. And even the way you worded this — that in fact mothers share the same love as grandmothers, instead of the other way around, also rubbed me the wrong way.

I also truly don't understand this section: "Much to their delight, they're getting a second opportunity to relish the fully-enveloping motherly love for a child. And relish it we do. Just like we did when our first child was born. And the second. And the third. And more."

I see what you're saying here, but this is NOT your child — so it is not the same love, and it may feel fully enveloping but it should still not compete with the mother's own love.

I'm sorry if I sound confrontational. That isn't my intention. I hope you'll forgive my very strong new mama feelings.

So please, please tell me: Do grandparents actually think that their love for the grandkids is the same as the parents' love?

I genuinely do not understand the grandparent obsession, to the point that it seems unhealthy to me. And I know all the boundary-less women my mom and MIL know that have grandkids are not helping them to be sane about my baby. I and am of course on the other side of life right now and just really struggling to relate to their feelings. I want to respect them, but also set reasonable boundaries.

Any tips on how to handle these feelings without hurting the grandparents' feelings or causing strife? Is this just something that needs to change in my heart?

Thanks for listening.

I want to tell this new mother that yes, we grandmothers do feel an all-consuming love for our grandchildren that is just like that of a mother, at least in terms of the degree of consumption.

I want to tell her that reasonable, well-intentioned grandmothers certainly don't want to possess or parent our grandchildren, that we delight in seeing our children parent our grandchildren, sometimes with such delight we fear our hearts will burst with pride.

And I want to tell her the importance of remembering that at least one of the grandmothers she worries about once held her in their arms, that they loved, adored, cuddled and worried about her in exactly the same way she is and will with her baby. That that grandmother fully understands and could shed light on the situation better than any stranger could. So talk to her about boundaries, expectations, her love and respect for the grandmothers in relation to what works for her as a new mother.

Mostly, I just want to tell her to not fret about competition or who loves the baby more, to accept that her role as the one and only mother of that child is a given — and that rational, loving grandmothers will give her the space to be that, do that, own that.

That's what I want to tell that new mother. But I want to know what you — the grandmothers and others who may see yourself in my words or hers — would tell this heart-heavy mother who wants to do and be and feel what's right for her baby, for the grandmothers and for herself.

So please share your thoughts. Ultimately, perhaps the best thing for me to do is direct the new mom to this post and your comments, so she'll glean guidance from the grandmahood collective, not just from me. I thank you. I venture to say she will, too.

Today's question:

What would you say to the new mother regarding the "stickiness" in her heart?

10 ways to support school-bound grandchildren

Kids of all ages will soon head back to school — if they haven't already. Though Mom and Dad play the starring role in supporting their children's educational efforts, grandparents have plenty of opportunities to make their mark, too.

Here are a few suggestions for supporting school-bound grandchildren in ways that will garner an A+ not only from the kids, but from their parents and teachers, too.

1. Send a care package to be opened the night before school starts. Consider adding new cozy jammies to help ease pre-first-day jitters (or to cuddle in after a rough first day), new pencils emblazoned with favorite characters, and a greeting card expressing best wishes for a fabulous start to the school year.

2. Ask Mom or Dad for a copy of the school supply list as well as suggestions on what you can purchase to check off the list.

3. Offer to buy the all-important backpack or lunch box — but only if the child goes with you to pick it out. Fads and styles come and go in an instant, and if your grandchild doesn't get a box or bag donning her favorite character or what's hot among her peers, chances are she won't be lugging either to school.

4. Speaking of backpacks, recruit your grandchild to help you purchase and fill a backpack for a less-fortunate child. Most schools will gladly accept such donations for their students in need, plus a handful of charitable organizations conduct backpack drives. Check around in your city for such opportunities or do a Google search for "backpack donations" to find an organization near you.

5. Request a copy of the school calendar so you can mark important dates and events you may be able to attend, such as the back-to-school open house, fall programs, field days, sporting events and more. The calendar should show Grandparents Day events, too — which, given enough notice, even long-distance grandparents may be able to attend.

6. Ask Mom or Dad if they mind, then sign up for email newsletters and blog updates from the teacher. Every school should have a website with reams of information of interest to parents and grandparents, and many teachers are now required to keep a blog for those who want to stay on top of what's happening in the classroom.

7. If you’re a local grandparent, check with Mom or Dad first — you don’t want to overstep your boundaries — then email the child's teacher to introduce yourself.

8. Then go beyond simply introducing yourself to your grandchild's teacher and offer to volunteer in the classroom. One of the most active and admirable grandma volunteers I've come across is Grandma Kc from the former blog Amaraland. Years after her granddaughter was out of elementary school, Kc continues to volunteer there. Long-distance grandparents who can't help at their grandchild's school can make a difference by volunteering to be a grandparent helper at a nearby school. Just as your grandchild is far away, there are many grandchildren whose grandparents are far away — kids who would be thrilled to have a stand-in for their Grandma or Grandpa (their teacher would, too).

9. Stock up on postcards or gift cards to send to your grandchild throughout the year to show your support for their hard efforts and your wish for their educational success. Adults often take it for granted children just know we want them to do well in school, but having our wishes in writing to hold in their hands and re-read when studies — and peer pressure — overwhelm can bouy kids in tough times we adults may not even realize they're having.

10. Show genuine interest in their lessons and encourage further learning outside the classroom. Have an open and ongoing dialogue about what you most enjoyed about classes at the child's age, ask what he's excited to learn or most challenged by, find out what he wants to know more about. Then plan outings related to subjects they're especially interested in. My grandma friend Judy can teach us all a thing or two about doing exactly that, as she and her husband regularly supplemented her grandchildren's lessons with fun and educational activities, road trips and more throughout their school years.

Back-to-school time can be scary and challenging for all students, from those just entering kindergarten on up to those who've been at it for years. No matter their age, be sure your grandchildren know they can count on you to cheer them on as they hit the books this fall.

Today's question:

What was your favorite new school supply when you were a student?

What I learned this week: I've become 'that' grandma

Fridays are typically when I share with readers far and wide what I've learned during the week. This Friday, though, because I'm currently at BlogHer 2013 and my head at this very moment is likely ready to explode with all the things I'm still learning this week, I'm going to share with you one of the things I learned last week.

And what I learned last week is this: I've become that grandma.

You know, that grandma who gives her grandchildren things like this:

Yep, I gave those to Bubby and Mac last week. Fancy-schmancy, sugary lollipops topped with two — count 'em, two! — ring pops. Each! Oh, the sugar they beheld. (I originally planned to share with you a photo of the nutritional info, too, but why spoil the fun?).

I was smart, though. See, I gave those sticks of sugary sweetness to Bubby and Mac just before I left for the airport to return home after spending a week with them.

So, yes, I've become that grandma. Not just the one who gives unhealthy jaw-dropping injections of sugar via irresistible treats, but the one who does so wisely, sugaring up up the children then heading for home, leaving Mom and Dad to deal with the sugar high and the subsequent low.

(Of course, I like to flatter myself and consider the subsequent low came not after the sugar wore off, but when the boys realized Gramma was gone, as they both had fallen asleep in the car on the way to the airport and the farewell was merely a foggy moment of interrupted slumber.)

Either way, I'm that grandma — and I'm pretty darn proud of it!

And that is what I learned this week.

Today's question:

What did you learn this week?

Help wanted: Shattering the grandma stereotype

Do you feel marginalized, ignored, stereotyped when it comes to your role as a grandparent? Are you fed up with brands presenting erroneous and ageist advertisements that mock grandmas in unrealistic and ridiculous ways (how many times can we stomach the unoriginal, "this ain't your grandma's whatever" in an ad?) or brands that completely ignore grandmas in their marketing efforts?

I'm fed up with both. I'm especially fed up with the stereotyping of grandmas across the board, not just by ignorant brands, but by any and all in the media who think grandmas are nothing but old grannies sitting in their rockers, knitting their lives away. I'm talking about those perpetuating the myth that grandmothers look like this...

(screenshot of Google result)... instead of this...

Those are real, live grandmas above, a sampling of the grandmas I've featured as Grilled Grandmas here on Grandma's Briefs. If those lovely, vibrant women are what grandmas look like, why does a Google search for "grandma" result in — at the very top of the list — the inaccurate caricatures I show in the screenshot above? Gah... the frustration.

You've heard me complain about this in the past, especially by way of my The grandma in a box post I published here a while back. There has been some progress made since I wrote that post nearly a year ago. For one thing, The grandma in a box was named in the 2013 BlogHer Voices of the Year as the People's Choice selection in the humor category. That post and I — along with 99 other well-deserving bloggers and their works — will be honored in the VOTY Community Keynote and Cocktail Reception Friday evening, hosted by none other than Queen Latifah. (Does that mean I get to shake her hand, hear her call my name, find out if she read my post? I don't know... but I'll share with you what I find out!)

That post is my fed-up-grandma story, though, and I want to hear your story, want to consider ways in which grandmothers and grandfathers may feel marginalized, left out, stereotyped, especially by brands, in advertisements and otherwise. I want to keep those things in mind while at BlogHer the end of this week, possibly even share a few of your stories and suggestions with the brands I connect with, in hopes the erroneous and outdated grandma stereotype will be shattered, that brands big and small will get that the grandparent demographic — grandmas and grandpas — matters... and carries with it a large amount of disposable income they spend regularly on themselves and their loved ones.

We all have a unique story, all have ways we relish being a grandparent, as well as ways we feel the title gets in the way when people look at us, consider us. I want to hear about the latter from you, today — your gripes and complaints about the grandma stereotype. I'd like to add your story to my story, carry it with me as I do my best to represent grandparent bloggers at BlogHer.

Sure, there will be other grandma bloggers at the conference, but I'm not sure how many will be proudly waving the grandma flag. I plan to proudly wave that flag in hopes of making you proud, in hopes of making things even just a wee bit better — and realistic — for all of us grandparents, at least in terms of how brands view us, represent us.

So my question for you today is this:

In what ways do you feel marginalized, stereotyped, ignored, erroneously represented by brands, marketers and media? Feel free to be as long or as brief as you like, just please be honest and real. Feel free to offer suggestions for improvement in the area for the brands, too, if you'd like. I'll share what I can.

Thank you for your stories and suggestions and for helping me (try to) make a difference for our grandmahood (which, I'm happy to report, includes a few grandpas, too!).

What I learned this week: Reason No. 11 why I won't live near my grandsons

As many of you know, I live more than 800 miles away from my grandsons. When my daughter and son-in-law first told my husband and me we'd be grandparents, it broke my heart. I was certain I'd not survive unless they relocated to live near me.

They never did.

Of course, there was the option of my husband and me moving to live near them. A lot of grandparents do that, but it's just not in the cards for me. I wrote about my reasons for not doing so in this article. At the time I wrote it, one big reason I noted for not moving to be near my grandsons is the fact I have a life here in the mountains — a life that includes my (yes, adult and out of the nest) oldest and youngest daughters who live in the mountains, too, despite my middle daughter and her family preferring the desert.

There are other reasons why I won't live near my grandsons, and another I hadn't originally thought of became crystal clear this week.

I like to take photos. I'm not the greatest, though I'm working on getting better. Here are two I took of nature in all its glory while looking out the sliding doors to my deck this week:

 
A butterfly enjoying the dianthus.

A squirrel relaxing in the tree.

Compare those two photos to two my daughter took of nature in all its glory around her place this week. Keep in mind that this is my daughter who, along with her husband and my two grandsons, lives in the desert. Here are the photos she texted me:

A scorpion lodged inside the honeycomb window blinds.

A lizard in the garage — just outside the door to the house.

I'd say nature in the mountains (my place) is far easier on the eyes — and nerves — than nature in the desert (their place), wouldn't you?

The bottom line/the moral of the story being that if getting to see these two adorable kids...

 

... on a regular basis means seeing those two frightening critters on a regular basis, too, I'll take being a long-distance grandma any day. I'm not proud to admit that... but it's true.

And that is what I learned this week.

Well, I also learned that my daughter is far more brave than I ever thought she'd be, that little Meggie of mine who once (as a teen!) captured a spider in our family room late one night by placing a heavy bowl over it, then taping a note to the bowl asking me to take care of what was trapped inside once I awoke. Now look at her — taking photos instead of screaming and running!

(Now I hope I'll be just as brave and not be completely freaked out about icky desert things when I visit my daughter, son-in-law and grandsons in 10 days!)

Best wishes for a critter-free weekend, wherever you may be! I look forward to seeing you all again on Monday!

Today's question:

What did you learn this week?

Your life... in jelly beans, plus GRAND Social No. 58

Welcome back! Say yay for Monday! And say yeah to using your beans wisely!

Wha... huh?

Food for thought — sweet food for thought — for the start of the new week:

Use your (jelly) beans wisely.

And enjoy the GRAND Social No. 58.

Thank you for joining me!

How it works:

• All grandparent bloggers are invited to add a link. You don't have to blog specifically about grandparenting, just be a grandparent who blogs.

• To link up a post, copy the direct URL to the specific post — new or old — that you want to share, not the link to your blog's home page. Then click the blue button marked with "Add your link" below and follow the directions.

• You can add up to three posts, but no duplicates, contests, giveaways, or Etsy sites, please.

• Adding a mention such as This post linked to the GRAND Social to your linked posts is appreciated. Or, you can post the GRAND Social button anywhere on your page using the following code:

<a href="/" target="_blank"><img src="http://grandmasbriefs.squarespace.com/storage/GRANDsocialbutton.jpg " alt="Grandma’sBriefs.com" width="125" height="125" /></a>

• The GRAND Social linky is open for new posts through Wednesday evening, so please come back to see those added after your first visit.

• If you're not a blogger, you have the pleasure of being a reader. Bloggers who link up would be honored to have one and all — other bloggers as well as readers — visit, read and, if so moved, comment, even if just a "Hey, stopping by from the GRAND Social."

• For another grandparent linky, visit Connie's Grandparent's Say It Saturday Link Party each Saturday.