Bull***t! I'm the grandma!

As I've grown older, I've become convinced that I've earned a few things, that because I've lived relatively long and fought relatively hard, I now deserve to do what I want, when I want, for whatever reason I want.

Bottom line in my mind: I've learned and earned empowerment, in any and all areas of my life.

Except when it comes to being a grandma, that is.

Yes, I'm the older, the wiser, the more experienced in the crowd known as my family. And yes, I deserve a little respect in that position. But in my short time wearing the grandma hat, I've quickly learned — through my own misplays and mistakes and watching those of others — that empowerment and getting my own way should take backseat to doing what's right for my child, for my grandchildren.

Time and again I've wanted to throw down the gauntlet and say, "Bulls***t! I'm the grandma!" I have, in fact, done exactly that ... only to be quickly put in my place. If not by others, then by my conscience.

Now when tempted to steamroll others with my status, I forcefully remind myself of what consequences may follow uttering the BS refrain:

Bull***t! I'm the grandma and I refuse to mince my words regarding the idiotic names under consideration for my grandchild! Yeah, and you'll make the parents more determined to name their child exactly that just to spite you, because that's what kids — even adult kids — do.

Bull***t! I'm the grandma and I will be in the delivery room when my grandaby is born, regardless of who has asked me to stay out! Yeah, and you'll forever be responsible and remembered for the dark cloud looming over one of your child's most memorable moments.

Bull***t! I'm the grandma and I will be there to help out when Mom and baby come home from the hospital, regardless of her wishes. Yeah, and you'll create a resentment that's hard to erase.

Bull***t! I'm the grandma and that grandbaby of mine needs to be circumsized (or NOT circumsized) and those silly kids darn well better listen to me! Yeah, and you'll soon be told — or should be told — that it's darn well none of your business.

Bull***t! I'm the grandma and I'll put that baby on its stomach (or give a pacifier, or not give a pacifier, or feed water, or demand toilet training, or keep the kid in diapers) any time I'm the one babysitting that little one! Yeah, and you'll soon no longer be asked to babysit that little one.

Bull***t! I'm the grandma, this is my house, and I'll smoke (or drink or swear or make racist comments) in my own home regardless of who is here. If they don't like it, they don't need to visit. Yeah, and soon they won't.

Bull***t! I'm the grandma and I'll give my grandbaby all the gifts I can afford. Yeah, and those gifts will soon not be appreciated — or they'll be put away by Mom and Dad for reasonable rationing.

Bull***t! I'm the grandma and that kid is going to learn not to talk back or he's getting a thunk upside the head! Yeah, and thunks upside the head will be what you're remembered for.

Bull***t! I'm the grandma and if my grandbaby is hungry, he's gonna get all the snacks he wants! Yeah, and will you be footing the bill — emotional and monetary — related to him eventually being obese and/or ostracized?

Bull***t! I'm the grandma and if I want to give noisy toys that make Mommy and Daddy go bonkers, no one's gonna stop me.Yeah, and those toys will end up mysteriously broken ... or at your house.

Bull***t! I'm the grandma and if the other grandma gets to do that, then I'm doing it, too ... and better! Yeah, and winning — or even engaging in — the grandma-one-upmanship battle leaves only your child and grandchild as the losers.

I've cringed watching other grandmas commit some of the above. And I readily (and shamefully) admit to committing a few myself. In my defense, I'm fairly new to the grandma jig and have not yet gotten the dance down completely. Maybe I never will, as I have no doubt there are many missteps to come.

But I have learned one thing for sure, which is that when it comes to being a grandma, relinquishing my power is one of the most empowering things I can do. For I am the grandma, and as the grandma, I'd much rather be known for my grace than for my grit.

And that is no bull***t.

Photo: From Megan's Facebook page.

Today's question:

Which of the above have you done, seen done, had done to you, cringed over? Any others to add?

The things we do for love

I can't swim. Legend has it that as a toddler, I was found floating face-down in the lake where relatives owned property and we spent many a summer day. I naturally don't remember that, but my sub conscience seems to. Or at least that's what I blame for the many swim lessons I've taken not sticking.

I took swim lessons as a child. Didn't stick.

I took swim lesson as an adult. Didn't stick.

Nope, I can't swim to save my life. Not even a doggy paddle.

When I learned that Bubby would be attending swim lessons during my recent visit, though, I was determined to not let being a loser non-swimmer stop me from enjoying some time in the pool with my oldest grandson.

And it didn't.

Together we splashed, dove, attempted to touch bottom, and did a few practice rounds of "chicken...star...rocket" moves he'd gleaned from the day's swim lesson.

 

 

 

At his age, Bubby has no idea Gramma can't swim. As he gets older, though, I'm pretty sure he'll figure out why Gramma won't go in the deep end.

Unless, of course, I attempt another round of swim lessons ... and this time they stick.

Photos courtesy of Megan.

Today's question:

How would you rate your swimming skills?

Now I'm a believer

Surprise! I do love Mac. More than I thought I would.

Despite many a grandparent telling me it would happen, that I would fall in love with the second grandchild as easily as the first, I didn't really believe it.

Despite having written a post — and recently re-publishing that post — about how my heart grew with each additional child I birthed, I didn't really believe it.

No, I didn't believe it. I love Bubby beyond words and I couldn't imagine lightning striking twice and feeling such a way for another child.

Silently worrying that I might be flawed and not have the proper grandma gene or that I may have missed out on some elite grandma training, either rendering me unable to automatically love and adore the second, I took the advice, the words of wisdom — from others and from myself — in stride. I didn't really believe it. I figured I'd just keep it hush-hush once I met Mac and confirmed that he didn't rock my world the way Bubby did.

 

But rock it he did. And after only a day or so with him, the tremors courtesy of Baby Mac become full-blown heart movers and shakers.

I didn't cry when I first set eyes on Mac, as I did with Bubby. Yet my heart did a whoop-de-doo or two upon seeing his adorable bowed lips, chubby cheeks, long legs and round little fuzz-covered head. It was upon holding him that the tremors began ... and intensified with each cuddle, each cry, each tiny grip of his fingers around mine.

Sure, Mac likes to eat. A lot. Which worked in my favor during my visit. Megan supplements nursing with bottles, so Mac's hearty appetite provided me plenty of opportunities to bond with him over bottles.  

And, yes, Mac is responsible for the very worst-ever diaper-changing episode endured by this grandma. Worst. Ever. But his relieved face with bright eyes focusing on light play on the ceiling as I changed him — three times in a row in one visit to the changing table — plus his soft coos upon finally being cleaned up led to more bonding, not cussing.

  

Then there were his grunts and groans. Not during diaper fillings but during his sleep...while I or anyone else held him. Just like this:

Hearing such baby noises was the final straw, the act that fondly and firmly cemented Mac's place in my heart. Right next to Bubby's place.

Equal to Bubby's place.

I admit it, fellow grandmas and grandpas: You were right. I can love the second grandchild just as much as the first. More importantly, I do love my second grandchild as much as the first.

Now I'm a believer!

And a real grandma after all.

Today's question:

Do you grunt, er, snore in your sleep?

5 books and boredom busters

Summer will soon be in full swing, which means grandmas, moms, aunts and others will likely have more time with the kids. And likely more time for kids to complain of being bored. That also means, though, that you have more opportunities to wow the wee ones and combat those unnerving "I'm bored" complaints.

Here are a few ideas for preventing the boredom blues, featuring one of my favorite things: books. Try them out on your summer charges, let me know how it goes, and feel free to share in the comments any boredom busters you might have up your sleeve.

Book: Goodnight, Goodnight, Construction Site by Sherri Dusky Rinker. Cement Mixer, Excavator, Dump Truck and more all work oh-so hard during the day then tuck themselves in at night, resting up for the next day's work. Bubby loved this picture book featuring some of his all-time favorite trucks.

Boredom buster: Take a trip to a nearby construction site to watch (from afar) the work vehicles doing their jobs. Younger kids may want to bring along their toy trucks of a similar sort; older kids may enjoy having a pair of binoculars on hand to get an up-close look at the action.

Book: There's a Dragon in the Library by Dianne de Las Casas. This clever tale tells of Max and his visions of a dragon during story time at the library. Is there really a dragon in the library or is it just his imagination? And how can he convince Mom, the librarians and Officer Riley that there really is a dragon in the library.

Boredom buster: Head to the library, of course, and seek out books about dragons, along with any others of interest to youngsters in tow. While there — or, better yet, before going — find out what activities are lined up at the library, where summer programs for kids are often a highlight of summer. They sure were for my girls when they were young.

Book: Amazon Alphabet by Johnette Downing. This colorful adventure takes kids of all ages from A to Z through the Amazon, introducing familiar folk such as frogs and jaguars, as well as the unfamiliar including the caiman and quetzal. Facts and features accompany each alphabetic selection.

Boredom buster: Zoo time! Many zoos have an Amazon Rainforest feature where kids can enjoy an A-to-Z scavenger hunt of things featured in the book. If your local zoo doesn't have such an exhibit, enjoy an A-to-Z hunt of other animals. If schedules, weather, or budgets nix a zoo visit, use the pictures in the book as inspiration for drawing Amazon animals for creating your own rainforest in your backyard or home.

Book: Grandma's Bag of Tricks: Toad Cottages & Shooting Stars by Sharon Lovejoy. This book truly isn't just for grandma's as it comes in quite handy for anyone looking for activities for kids. With an older child, peruse the awesome options for fun, from restaurant night at home, to pinecone bird feeders, to fairy tea parties, tin-can bands and more. For little ones, pick and choose any of the many perfect for toddlers.

Boredom buster: Not too hard to figure this one out as there are more than 130 activities to choose from. The hard part is making a choice. Consider having the child make a list of the ones you want to tackle together throughout the summer or a visit. 

Book: Meet Einstein by Mariela Kleiner. This book may be designated as for youngsters ages 2-4, but it's a safe bet that older kids will appreciate the straightforward introduction to one of the all-time great scientists. In addition to the story, the inside front and back covers include a pictorial rundown of all the tools needed for scientific exploration: goggles, beakers, nets for catching butterflies, gloves to "protect my fingers from sticky and icky things," and more.

Boredom buster: The book outlines some of Einstein's great scientific discoveries related to light and gravity. Come up with a few experiments involving light — using flashlights, lightbulbs, fire, rainbows — and gravity — any manner of things that go up then come down (spills, jumping in the air) or go up but don't come down (balloons, kites). As the book notes, even preschoolers can grasp the concepts of light and gravity. "Help them make the connection in everything they see and do, and teach them that science is all around them."

Good to know: Clicking on the book covers will provide more information on the books. They are NOT affiliate links, and I earn nothing by you clicking on them. And in the interest of full disclosure, I purchased the Toad Cottages and Construction Site books myself; the others were sent to me for free by the publishers, with no obligation to review or write about them and no compensation for doing so.

Today's question:

Fill in the blank: When I get bored, I ___________________.

Letter to my only grandson

Dear Bubby,

Your little brother will soon arrive and before he gets here, I wanted to tell you how very special it has been to have you as my first grandson, my only grandchild for the past nearly three years. In the seemingly short 35 months since you were born, you have rocked my world in ways I never imagined could happen.

Your entry into the family stretched my heart as it had never been stretched before. My heart swelled so as I held you, hugged you, swaddled you like the sweetest little burrito and kissed your downy face, a replica of your mommy’s 24 years before. That first time I left you to return home, my swollen heart burst into a million pieces at having to leave you, my arms literally ached for you for weeks after — muscle memory most raw.

Your mommy and I did our very best to ensure my arms would hold you as often as possible despite all the miles between us. Every couple of months, I would visit your home or you would visit mine. My heart would sing and swell again as my arms held you. But each time we were together, the amount of time holding you became less as you became so much more. So much more active, so much more silly, so much more independent, so much more boy.

The “boy” experience was a new one for me, as your mommy, Aunt B and Aunt Andie were my only babies, and baby girls are far different from baby boys … and not just when it comes to changing diapers. You were more active, more daring, more monkey-like than any of my girls. Stories from your mommy about the bruises and bangs and head-bonks you’ve endured while jumping off furniture, racing your cars around the house, playing chase with Daddy, and wrestling (and riding) Roxy made my heart swell in a different way: with panic and fear for your safety and well-being. But also with pride that your mommy, as protected as she was by me, had learned through you how to let go and let you be who you are, what you are: all boy.

I’ve loved your rough and tumble all-boy antics. Such pleasure comes from watching you run through the house, giggle your way down slides, chase after balls and balloons and bubbles, tussle with your dog, build tower trucks, race fire trucks, wholeheartedly adore garbage trucks, and furiously peddle your bike while calling for me to "be police” and chase you.

Part of what makes such things doubly delightful is the flip-side of those times. The sweet blown kisses and “squeezes” and “cheeses.” The moments snuggled together sharing books. The steadfast attention given to coloring, drawing, gluing, Play-Dohing, creating. The singing, dancing, smiling, sharing. Your newfound ability to joke, to compliment, and to say the truly darnedest things I've ever heard (especially when you lock yourself and Gramma out of the house).

My great and goofy — and downright gorgeous! — grandson, you were my first. You were the one to make me a grandma, to teach me that although my heart can break into a million pieces upon leaving you, it will grow back bigger and stronger each and every time I think of you, see you, hug you, hold you, hear you.

I am better because of you. I became “Gramma” because of you. And for that, my sweet Bubby James, you will always and forever be a most special part of this grandma’s soon-to-be-expanding-again heart.

I love you!

Gramma

Today's question:

When does your heart feel most swollen to capacity?

Responsibility waived

Like many bloggers, I receive countless e-mail press releases. Every day, my inbox is stuffed full of information on products, events, causes, and points to ponder or panic about.

Most of the press releases relate to matters of parenting. I get them because PR folks cast a wide net instead of doing their job and researching the folks they target many non-grandma marketers believe that mothers and grandmothers have the same interests and concerns when it comes to children.

I've recently received information on:

• Internet safety programs

• College financial aid handbooks and assistance

• Theft of children's social security numbers

• Proper nutrition for adolescents

• Fitness center memberships for families

• Homework helpers and student enrichment

• Plush hats with pocket for ice packs to soothe bumped heads

• Fun-in-the-sun travel packages with childcare available at participating hotels

• The latest "snotsucker" for kids (Honest! That's what it was called in the press release!)

That's just a sampling of the information. And what have I done with all that information? I've hit the delete button. On all those above and more. Lots more.

Much of the info I receive is worthy and interesting; my deletion of it isn't due to lack of interest. It's due to lack of responsibility. Because as a grandma, responsibility for oh-so-many matters no longer lies with me. Thankfully.

As a grandma, I don't have to monitor nutrition or Internet safety. There's no need for me to search for childcare options, plan college funds (although I'm happy to add to one), or struggle to keep my child's identity safe and secure. I'm not required to figure out ways to get homework done without full-blown battles. Most of all, I don't have to suck snot out of babies.

Nope, I'm not responsible for any of the day-in-day-out tasks required of a parent.

And that, my friends, is yet another one of the many awesome things about being a grandparent: We reap many rewards but bear little responsibility.

I simply can't think of a better position than that.

Photo: stock.xchng

Today's question:

What is one of the awesome things about your current position — as grandparent, parent, working gal, high-wire acrobat or otherwise?

Of kids and conflicts

Will ALL my grandkids be as delightful as Bubby?Anyone who has worked with kids knows that you don't like every single one of them equally. Some of them you may not really like at all.

Or is that just me?

When I was a Girl Scout leader, there was one particular girl who, naturally because I didn't care for her, was in my troop every single year for several years. And every single year for several years she drove me nuts. She was quite spoiled and a "mean girl" and "queen bee" in the making. She interrupted. She demanded attention. She demeaned the other girls. She strove to be the star of the troop, the class, the musical performances at school. And she had no qualms about stepping on her fellow Girl Scouts and classmates in her climb to getting her own way.

Yes, out of the twenty-plus kids I worked with regularly, this one spoiled girl irked me to no end. And my daughters knew my feelings for her. Once, in the heat of the moment while arguing with the girl, Megan let fly that I didn't like the girl. So I received a phone call that evening from Ms. Spoiled Girl's mother and I had to backtrack to save face ... and supposedly the feelings of the youngster. (Although I doubt her feelings were hurt; I'm pretty sure it was simply another manipulation tactic. Yes, she was only in third grade, but trust me on this.)

That was years ago. I currently work with a passel of kids again in my tutoring site coordinator stint. They're all pretty darn good kids. Thankfully, none are as annoying as Ms. Spoiled Girl, but I definitely don't adore each and every one of them.

Which has set me to wondering: As a grandma of lots and lots of grandchildren (which I hope to eventually be), will I like each and every one of them? I will surely love them all to their very core, but will I like them all? Will I get along with them all?

I clearly, truly, and deeply love and adore each and every one of my daughters. Equally but differently. And I sincerely like each one of them. Yes, there's often one of them doing something to annoy me, but the role of annoying daughter consistently changes. Never have any of the three reached the point that I can say I dislike them. But it might be different with children compared to grandchildren. My daughters are mine, I made them who they are. To a certain degree, at least.

With grandchildren, I'm not in charge of molding and shaping their character, thus not responsible for how they turn out (thankfully). So I'm not entirely sure they'll turn out flawless ... or at least free of annoying traits that rub me the wrong way.

I've not seen Bubby in nearly two months, but Megan reports that his "terrible twos" have hit full stride just as he's reaching the end of his second year. As any toddler does, he argues, he resists discipline. Heck, it sounds like he pretty much resists everything. Although he does know better than to continually say "No!" so he opts instead for saying "I don't want to." Equally frustrating for Megan and Preston as a "no" would be, I'm sure.

But as I said, Bubby is two. Nearly three. Nearly through the phase highlighted by battles of will. There will be more to come, I have no doubt, some likely even with me at some point through the years. I can't imagine, though, that Bubby will ever annoy me regularly, be considered a kiddo I'd rather not be around. I simply don't foresee such a scenario with my only grandchild. At all. Ever.

What worries me is that Bubby won't always and forever be my only grandchild. In fact, it's only a few more weeks before Mac makes an appearance. What worries me more is that I know myself, and, as I mentioned above, I know I'm not enamored with every single kid I come in contact with. What worries me the very most of all about that is the possibility that one of the kids I'm not enamored with may turn out to be one of my grandchildren.

Is that possible?

Today's question:

Have you had personality conflicts with other people's children? What about with your own grandchildren?