The search is on

Time again for a rundown of some of the searches that have led folks to Grandma's Briefs in hopes of finding what their hearts — or dazed and confused minds — desire.

According to my nifty stats application, queries from the past 30 days include:

"Why am I annoyed with my grandson's step grandmother"

"How to make stripey jelly"

"Grandma's can worry"

"am old enough to do what I want"

"Grandma's love shouldn't"

"harelike" — Huh?

"grandmas interfering with parenting"

"grandma knows better"

"what do grandmas do"

"what are things your grandparents should never do?"

And of course, a few requisite HGTV'd queries as this one post still draws 'em in, such as "do we need to pay for HGTV'd truck works," "hgtvd when do they notify you," and "hgtv.com/what not to do."

Stripey jelly, hares, and HGTV'd notwithstanding, sounds like there are some grandmas behaving badly out there, causing their flummoxed kids to search for answers online.

Too bad the stats on queries don't tell me where those searching went from here, as many of their questions likely weren't answered by Grandma's Briefs. I wonder not because I'm an overly kind and concerned grandma hoping the searchers got what they needed, but because then I'd know exactly where to go myself for answers to a few of my own related questions plaguing me. Those related to the "grandma's can worry" query, most of all.

That and how to make stripey jelly, too, of course.

Photo: stock.xchng

Today's question:

What question plagues you today?

Responsibility waived

Like many bloggers, I receive countless e-mail press releases. Every day, my inbox is stuffed full of information on products, events, causes, and points to ponder or panic about.

Most of the press releases relate to matters of parenting. I get them because PR folks cast a wide net instead of doing their job and researching the folks they target many non-grandma marketers believe that mothers and grandmothers have the same interests and concerns when it comes to children.

I've recently received information on:

• Internet safety programs

• College financial aid handbooks and assistance

• Theft of children's social security numbers

• Proper nutrition for adolescents

• Fitness center memberships for families

• Homework helpers and student enrichment

• Plush hats with pocket for ice packs to soothe bumped heads

• Fun-in-the-sun travel packages with childcare available at participating hotels

• The latest "snotsucker" for kids (Honest! That's what it was called in the press release!)

That's just a sampling of the information. And what have I done with all that information? I've hit the delete button. On all those above and more. Lots more.

Much of the info I receive is worthy and interesting; my deletion of it isn't due to lack of interest. It's due to lack of responsibility. Because as a grandma, responsibility for oh-so-many matters no longer lies with me. Thankfully.

As a grandma, I don't have to monitor nutrition or Internet safety. There's no need for me to search for childcare options, plan college funds (although I'm happy to add to one), or struggle to keep my child's identity safe and secure. I'm not required to figure out ways to get homework done without full-blown battles. Most of all, I don't have to suck snot out of babies.

Nope, I'm not responsible for any of the day-in-day-out tasks required of a parent.

And that, my friends, is yet another one of the many awesome things about being a grandparent: We reap many rewards but bear little responsibility.

I simply can't think of a better position than that.

Photo: stock.xchng

Today's question:

What is one of the awesome things about your current position — as grandparent, parent, working gal, high-wire acrobat or otherwise?

Wherein Birdy is shot down

This is NOT an injured bird, just a baby bird.As many of you know, I call my soon-to-be-born second grandson, brother to Bubby, Birdy. At least here on my blog.

Megan called Friday to chit-chat and, after a bit, she told me that Bubby had chosen a new name for his baby brother. All morning long, she said, Bubby had been calling the baby, for some unknown reason, "Wacky Mac."

"So I was thinking, that's what you could call the baby on your blog, Mom," she said, "instead of Birdy."

"Wacky Mac?" I asked.

"No, you can't call him Wacky Mac. But I was thinking Mac. Since Bubby picked out that name. Instead of Birdy."

I told Megan I couldn't call the baby Mac because I have an Uncle Mac, so that name is already taken. In my mind, at least.

To which my formerly-hesitant-to-hurt-anyone's-feelings-with-her-words-but-now-never-minces-them-ever daughter replied: "But we hate Birdy, Mom! We detest Birdy! Even <friend who reads this blog> asked 'What's up with Birdy?'"

Okay. I get it. Megan hates, no, detests the name Birdy. And because I don't want to write about my grandson in a manner that his mother detests, I hereby cave. Going forward, my second grandson's name — for blogging purposes, at least — will be Mac.

To Megan: Consider it done.

To Uncle Mac: I'm sorry, but you're now in second place in my mind when thinking of Mac. Baby Mac he'll likely be for a while. But still, you're no longer the No. 1 Mac. I'm sorry.

To Birdy: I'm sorry to you, too, for you will no longer be known as Birdy. You will be Mac. Except in secret. A secret we'll keep between us. So if I ever accidentally let the name Birdy slip from my lips to your ears, Baby Mac, please, whatever you do, do not tell your mother. Like I said, it'll be our secret. And it will be the one and only time I ask you to keep a secret from your mom. I promise, Baby Birdy, er, I mean Baby Mac.

Gah! I'll get used to it. I promise.

And I'll love him regardless of name. I promise.

Photo: stock.xchng

Today's question:

What is your favorite macaroni dish? (Sorry, Meg, had to do it just once!)

I'll just say no

When I was a teen, I succumbed to peer pressure far more often than I should have. I did things that weren't good for me just because "all the cool kids are doing it." Trying to fit in, trying to be like everyone else was the name of the game, just as it surely — unfortunately — is for today's youth.

When I became a mother, there was still a lot of peer pressure, but of a different sort. There was the pressure to outfit my kids in the latest fashions, keep them enrolled in and entertained by the latest and greatest activities. We rarely had the funds to pay for those fashions and fun things, so the need to do as all the cool moms were doing became less important. I couldn't afford to be like them, so I had no choice but to be myself.

As the girls reached the teen years and all the cool moms were (supposedly in some cases, literally in others) letting their kids run around without curfews, attend co-ed slumber parties or throw parties with alcohol purchased by the adults, I no longer had any desire to be like the cool moms for they didn't seem all that cool to me. I was a mean mom, or so I was told ... often. I had strict rules and high expectations for my daughters. The girls, of course, broke those rules ... often. And they fought against my expectations. It didn't change anything, though, because I purposefully made the choice to not be cool, to be myself, to do what I thought was right. For me, for mine. Regardless of pressure, be it from my peers or my kids.

Now that I'm a grandma, I'm faced with a different kind of peer pressure. Well, to be honest, it really has absolutely nothing to do with being a grandma and everything to do with being a grandma online. Yep, as someone who lives a large chunk of her life on the Internet, I'm confronted regularly by those who want me to do as they do, to follow their lead. And once again I'm doing the uncool thing: I'm just saying no.

To what am I saying no? Well, here's the list of things the cool folks, the popular folks do online that I'm resisting. Don't take offense and don't take it personally if you do these things; just take it as forewarning that I don't do these things, that I won't do these things if you ask.

Here goes. I hereby say no to:

• Passing along forwards. Whether they're cute or funny or elicit a warm fuzzy and especially if they're hate-filled or try to convince me I must send it to 10 friends in order to prosper or find true love. Forwards all get the same treatment from me: the delete button.

• Changing my Facebook profile photo to a color befitting a cause or holiday. Mostly just because I'm lazy.

• Posting or joining or following — or whatever the correct term is — a blog meme.

• Adhering to the rules of an award that requires me to list 16 personal things about myself then pressure eight of my favorite bloggers to do the same by honoring them with the same award. Awards are thoughtful ... unless they require work.

• Changing my Facebook status in support of a cause. (I'm starting to see a minor theme to my list, related to my laziness. Maybe?)

• Entering giveaways that require me to visit and comment on the sponsor's page then — optional, but for extra entries — "like" a Facebook page, follow the blogger on Twitter, and tweet and retweet until the sun rises and sets 16 times.

There are other, less frequent actions friends (and some foes) try to pressure me to take, but those above are at the top of my just-say-no list. Like I said before, don't take offense if you do any of them. I don't have a problem with you doing it, I just have a problem with me doing it. So I won't.

The great thing about peer pressure as a grandma is that it's really no pressure at all.

Excepting, of course, the pressure I felt to let you all know in advance of my just-say-no plan. Just in case you asked. Just so when I ignore your request, you won't feel slighted ... or upset ... or like you want to kick me out of the blogosphere.

(Which means, I suppose, that I still have a few minor peer-pressure issues to work out. Even as a grandma.)

Photo: stock.xchng

Today's question:

What kind of peer pressure do you resist now that you wouldn't have resisted at a younger age?

Searching for sense

Ever since publishing my I wanna be HGTV'd post, I've been inundated by visitors landing here via a search for "HGTV." I'm happy to have the hits but feeling a tad guilty that somehow many of those arriving think this site -- despite the granny panties hanging on the line above -- really is HGTV and proceed to request help with their kitchens, yards and double-wides.

I'm baffled.

So I decided to use my nifty Squarespace analytics tools to figure out how and why they've clicked to Grandma's Briefs when searching for HGTV. I hoped what I'd find would assuage the bit of guilt I feel for unknowingly duping some folks into thinking I can offer them help with their downtrodden homes.

Then I clicked over to my "Search Engine Queries Summary" and saw the number of searches ... and immediately gave up plans to assuage guilt, for in the past week, there have been 598 searches using keyword variations of HGTV (believe it or not, there apparently are variations of HGTV). That's FIVE HUNDRED AND NINETY EIGHT people who ended up on Grandma's Briefs instead of the HGTV website.

Why those 598 people might think the words "Grandma's" and "Briefs" are in any way related to "Home" and "Garden" -- regardless of what Google or Bing or Yahoo might say -- I don't know. And why, if they did go ahead and click out of curiosity, they would go so far as to honestly believe this site is the place to request help with their homes and comment with a request, I really don't know.

Like I said, I'm baffled.

The duped and downtrodden will have to remain such as I don't have the time -- and no longer the inclination -- to try to make sense of such things. (I did, though, take the time to tweet the HGTV Twitter account asking them to please help the confused folks who think I can offer them design assistance. No tweet back ... yet.)

Funny what you find, though, when you dig into a blog's analytics tools. In addition to the 598 hits to my site resulting from searches for HGTV (plus several other hits completely unrelated to grandparenting or grandmas or even briefs -- ya know, the things I do blog about), I actually did have visitors arriving via searches related to grandparenting and grandmas. Sort of.

Herein lies the "sort of." Below are the past week's grandma-related searches that baffle me most (the preceding number is search count):

2     how do i distance myself from my grandbaby (This is so not what Grandma's Briefs is about. How did such a search land them here? Funny thing is, it wasn't just one crabby grandma with intimacy issues searching for an answer, it was two!)

2     what should grandma carry in her purse (Meh. Sort of makes sense. Maybe my Grandma's Bag post lured them here.)

1     why are our grandkids always with the other grandparents? (I'm a jealous grandma. I admit it. But I didn't think it was that obvious.)

1     told grandma want a kiss for birthday (This one saddens me. I hope the grandchild in search of a kiss got one.)

1     craw cookie monster step by step (What the cuss is a 'craw cookie monster'?)

1     happy granmas (Okay, yeah, we do have those here.)

1     eating happy granmas (But we don't do this to them!)

1     www.verybiggestanimal (Hmmm ... and hmmm again. What more is there to say?)

1     hatch-n-grow dinosaur egg (Now this one makes sense. Glad to know I'm an expert on these, at least to the degree folks come here to find out more.)

1     grandma's tales for humidity (I do offer up a lot of hot air here, but no humidity. I don't think.)

Baffling, right? If you can make sense of these, do let me know.

I'm off to do a little searching of my own. To find out what the heck "craw cookie monsters" are. They just might be something worth adding to the Recipe Box -- or to News to Use as a warning to my dear readers to beware.

Who knows?

Photo credit: stock.xchng

Today's question:

Which search engine is your favorite and how often do you use it?

A guffaw and a new feature

All kids say cute things now and then. But sometimes the things they say are not only cute, they're downright hilarious.

Such is the case of a conversation between this week's Grilled Grandma, Gail, and one of her grandsons, which she shared in response to my question, "Describe a recent time that one (or more) of your grandchildren made you laugh out loud." Gail said:

One asked, "What is a prostitute?" I had to wallow that around a little and then answered, "When a lady makes a gentleman happy for money instead of for fun."  He said, "Oh, I thought it was a wooden leg!"

I'm not one for doing the whole "LOL" thing, but that one truly did make me laugh out loud when I read it. What I wonder is how in the world he thought such a thing. Maybe "prostitute" and "prosthetic" sound very similar in a little boy's head? Maybe?

Grilled Grandma: Gail offers up plenty more laughs, so prepare to LOL, ROFL, LMAO or whatever it is you do when confronted with online chuckles ... or snickers ... or flat-out guffaws. Don't hesitate to give Gail a smile in return -- by letting her know what you thought of her grilling. Comment love is always much appreciated here on Grandma's Briefs, especially for the lovely women who allow me to grill them.

NEW FEATURE: Once you're done LOLing, I urge you to take a look at the new feature I debut today on Grandma's Briefs. It's called News to Use.

As you can see on the navigation tabs at the top of this page, a News to Use page has replaced the Quotable Grandmas page (right next to the Grilled Grandmas tab). News to Use is where you'll find, as noted on that page, the "best-of-the-best ideas, activities, and info I glean from websites, blogs, magazines and more." Sometimes the news will be serious, sometimes fun, but always, I'm hoping, useful. I'll add News to Use tidbits as I come across them, so be sure to sign up for the News to Use RSS feed so you'll be the first to know when there are new tidbits to peruse, new news to use.

Oh, and for those two people who regularly read the Quotable Grandmas, I've not deleted it ... just moved it to the shadows of the site for now. You can find it right HERE.

Today's question:

What is the funniest book you've ever read?

Ramble on

Nothing incredibly profound here today, just a few of the ramblings rumbling 'round my noggin:

• Bubby has been honing his sense of humor and it's an unending pleasure to witness. Tuesday night's Skype session included Bubby telling PawDad and me the name of his soon-to-arrive brother. He got Mommy's goat by insisting again and again ... and again ... that the baby's name is Bubba. Yep, BUBBA. He giggled gloriously throughout the entire tease.

• One of the hazards of not working a regular job is the lack of face time with a calendar. With several physical therapy appointments scheduled with two different therapists -- appointments written on the calendar -- it's possible for one to think they have an appointment and show up for it only to be told that particular appointment is actually the following week. Same day, same time, just the next week. Trust me, it can happen. And did. To me. Yesterday.

• I just don't have it in me to Twitter and tweet enough to raise my Klout score. Tell me, do I really need Klout?

• Speaking of Ramble On, it used to be that Led Zeppelin rarely -- if ever -- granted permission for their songs to be used in movies and such. In the last few weeks, Jim and I have heard Zeppelin several times in the background (or foreground) in movies and television shows. The Beatles on iTunes, Zeppelin on soundtracks ... sheesh, what's the world coming to?

• Ever wonder how the real Christopher Robin Milne felt about being the model for Christopher Robin in his father's Winnie-the-Pooh books? Probably much like fictional Luke Hayman did serving as the model for the even more fictional Luke Hayseed of "The Hayseed Chronicles" series in Mr. Toppit by Charles Elton, the book I most recently finished ... and enjoyed immensely.

• If you have money to spare and decide to purchase a few domain names from GoDaddy in hopes of later selling those domains for a pretty price, be sure to set the renewal option to "manual" so domains you haven't sold and no longer want don't renew automatically at a time when you no longer have money to spare. Trust me, it can happen. And did. To me. Yesterday. At a time when I no longer have money to spare. To the tune of $172.

• As I mentally prepare for the next semester as site coordinator for the Children's Literacy Center, I think about all the 7-pound-3-ounce curriculum books (true weight each, per my postage scale) I need to move from one site to another. Light bulb moment: I realize that it was after moving a bucket of 10 from the site to my garage at the end of the last session that the pain in my back intensified, initiating my call to the physical therapist. Light bulb moment #2: Mickey wasn't the sole cause of my current disc issues after all. So I hereby publicly apologize to Mickey for blaming him and calling him a cusshead. (But ... if he hadn't freaked in the face of the deer, my back likely would have been okay lugging the books. Maybe.)

• Which reminds me: An apology followed by a but is no apology at all. So amend that apology to "I'm sorry, Mickey, for placing all the blame for my cussed-up back on you."

• Where oh where is the humor in the fact after 20 years of writing picture-book manuscripts I finally, finally, finally get an agent for those books ... just as the death knell inarguably begins ringing for the picture-book market? There is no humor in it. Trust me.

• Three weeks from today I'll be flying to the desert to babysit Bubby for a few days while Mommy and Daddy attend a convention in California. The anticipation has addled my brain, rendering me incapable of formulating a coherent and cohesive post consisting of anything more than bulleted ramblings. I'll try again tomorrow.

Today's question:

What's at the top of your list of Thursday thoughts, rambles, rants?

Update

on 2011-01-13 20:10 by Lisa Carpenter

UPDATE on GoDaddy charge: Woo-hoo! I sucked it up, called GoDaddy and told them I'm stupid, and a wonderfully nice man named Bill told me "GoDaddy will take care of you" and reversed the $172.44! Yeah! GoDaddy rocks!