Don't speak: When silence refreshes relationship between Mom and Grandma

My daughter recently emailed me the ticket confirmation for my next visit to the desert. The trip is set for the latter part of April.

I, of course, must work to contain my excitement and anticipation as I look forward to soon spending ten days with my grandsons.

I also look forward — sans the fanfare and excitement, I admit — to the days after the trip, the days when I’ve returned home and my daughter won’t be speaking to me.

Yes, when I get back from that trip, I’m sure my daughter won’t speak to me. Which will be okay, though, for I surely won’t speak to her, either.

That may seem odd, considering I have no doubt we’ll have a delightful time in April. The first few days of the visit will be spent with my daughter, son-in-law and my precious grandsons. Then I’ll have nearly a week of serving as sole caretaker of Bubby and Mac, as Megan accompanies Preston for an out-of-state conference. Then Megan and Preston will return home, and we’ll have even more time together.

That time together is precisely why my daughter and I won’t be speaking afterward.

You see, somewhere along the line of my daughter becoming “Mommy” and me becoming “Gramma,” we fell into the habit of not calling, texting, e-mailing or connecting in pretty much any way whatsoever for a few days after extended visits with one other.

We didn’t plan such a tack; it happened naturally. It’s a natural progression of the ways our roles and connection to one another have changed. And it’s been a boon to our relationship.

My daughter and I thrive on the times the miles that typically separate us geographically are erased, and we strengthen our connection with hours upon hours of real face time. We come together with much to share about our jobs, hobbies, anxieties, accomplishments, family updates and hopes for the future. And, of course, there’s always much to discuss about her children, my grandchildren — how to care for them, grow them, love them best.

We share it all, accompanied by hugs, laughs, tears, good times. Intense times that can be exhausting — in fulfilling ways. Eventually, we've filled up the nooks and crannies of our hearts and souls, the spots that often feel empty when loved ones live far away.

Then, as luck would have it, that’s usually about the time the visit is over. So we separate. And we stop talking.

The mother/daughter relationship is one of those tangled webs we unwittingly weave. The web only grows tighter, more tangled, the more time we spend together, especially when we’re used to having our own space, our own place. It takes time to untangle, to return to our separate realities.

After a few days, we'll little by little start conversing again. By text, by phone, maybe through email. Now that I have FaceTime on my iPhone, it may just even happen in a pseudo face-to-face this time.

However it happens, it happens naturally. More importantly, it happens to work — for us and for our relationship.

Today's question:

How often do you communicate with your children — in person, by text, by phone, etcetera?

My daughter the marathoner, plus the GRAND Social

Please indulge me as I enjoy a moment of motherly boasting. You see, my daughter Megan is awesome. Well, all three of my daughters are awesome, but in light of Megan's participation in yesterday's LA Marathon, today she tops Mom's List of Awesome.

In yesterday's post, I shared as Megan and my grandsons (and Preston, too) set out on Megan's marathon adventure. Today I share with you the results. Of the more than 22,000 participants, here is how my middle daughter did in her first full (26.2 mile) marathon:

Like I said, Megan is awesome. I am so, so proud of her.

Bubby had some awesome fun of his own while in California, finding sport of a different sort on the beach during this — only his second ever — ocean-side experience:

Awesomeness awaits the rest of us, courtesy this week's GRAND Social. Thank you for joining me!

How it works:

• All grandparent bloggers are invited to add a link. You don't have to blog specifically about grandparenting, but you must be a grandparent who blogs.

• To link up, copy the direct URL to the specific post — new or old — that you want to share, not the link to your blog's home page. Then click the blue "Click here to enter" text below and follow the directions to add your post and graphic to the list.

• You can add up to three posts, but no duplicates, please, and none you have promoted on a previous GRAND Social linky. And no contests, giveaways, or Etsy sites, please.

• Adding a mention at the bottom of your linked posts, such as This post has been linked to the GRAND Social linky, is appreciated. Or, you can post the GRAND Social button anywhere on your page using the following code:

<a href="/" target="_blank"><img src="http://grandmasbriefs.squarespace.com/storage/GRANDsocialbutton.jpg " alt="Grandma’sBriefs.com" width="125" height="125" /></a>

• The GRAND Social linky is open for new posts through Wednesday evening, so please come back to see those added after your first visit.

• If you're not a blogger, you have the pleasure of being a reader. All bloggers who link up would be honored to have you all — bloggers and readers — visit, read and comment, even if it's just "Hey, stopping by from the GRAND Social."

• Looking for another grandparent linky? Be sure to visit Connie's Grandparent's Say It Saturday Link Party each Saturday.

Thank you for participating in the GRAND Social!

Photo replay: Going to California

Mac and Bubby hit the road Friday, headed to California, where Mommy Megan will run her first-ever full marathon.

Good luck to Megan, for whom my heart swells with pride as I consider her conquering 26.2 miles. On foot.

May the luck o' the Irish be with her — and with everyone else today.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

What I learned this week: Love in action

As I mentioned last week, it's important to learn new things all the time — even if you have to dig deep to define after the fact what those lessons have been.

This week, I learned quite a bit about copy editing for a website that's not mine, as I started new online gig as a copy editor for SheKnows.com. Expounding on that lesson would be quite boring to many of you, I'm sure, so I have another lesson I learned this week that I'd like to share. (Yes, I did indeed learn two things this week!)

Here is what I learned this week: I learned that if I keep my iPhone close by, move quickly, and not let the subjects notice I think it's a big deal, I can catch love in action.

Love between Mickey (one of my dogs) and Abby (one of my cats):

 

This post linked to Grandparents Say It Saturday.

 Today's question:

What did you learn this week?

Dad's cool profession

My son-in-law, Preston — father to my two grandsons — is a financial advisor. Now, adults likely get the importance and necessity of a person who is whiz-bang awesome with money. Kids, though? You might think kids wouldn't see financial advising as all that cool of a profession, especially for their papa.

If that is what you think kids might think, I'm here to suggest that you just might want to think again.

You see, there are plenty of cool aspects to financial advising, especially from the perspective of kids whose dad just happens to be a financial advisor.

For one thing, financial advisor dads have supercool piggy banks they give their clients to share with their kids.

Supercool piggy banks that the financial advisor dads share with their own kids, too.

Piggy banks that look sort of like this (for copyright reasons, I can't share the real thing here):

 

Even cooler? Financial advisor dads regularly give presentations on money to businesses and organizations.

Using a projector.

A projector that — every once in a while — the financial advisor dad brings home for his family to have the most awesome of movie nights.

Movie nights that look exactly like this:

Now how cool is that?

(And how cute is that? Especially that Mac's little body doesn't even fill the entire ottoman as he kicks back to enjoy the show, just like his big brother.)

Yep, financial advising is indeed a pretty cool profession for dads.

Even more cool for their kids.

Just ask Mac and Bubby.

Piggy bank photo: stock.xchng

Today's question:

My dad was a plumber. What was your dad's profession?

Predator at Grandma's house

Yesterday as I worked on my computer in the study, I heard a big ol' thwack on the window in the living room.

I'm fairly used to such sounds, as birds often — for some crazy reason — bang into the windows throughout my house, usually leaving feather-dusted imprints of their wings and more on the glass as proof of their poor navigational skills.

This time, though, the intensity of the thwack seemed doubled. So I got up to see if a bird had been bonked lifeless and might be dying (or dead) on the ground below the window.

Sure enough, I saw a baby bird lying spread eagle, face down, just below the window.

My first thought: Shoot! Now I have to go out in the cold, pick up that bird and throw it in the garbage so the dogs don't get it.

I then noticed that just beyond the obviously dead bird was a bigger bird, stumbling about as if stunned.

It was this guy:

I've no doubt he had been chasing the smaller bird, hoping for an easy feast, when they both banged into my window.

I watched for a few seconds as the hawk gathered his wits. Then he stood there, staring back at me. He looked from me to the dead bird, back and forth, back and forth.

I ran to get my camera, quickly returned (he was still there!) and snapped several shots of him.

Though I was just a few feet from the guy, separated only by glass, the predator seemed unafraid of me and my movements.

Now, I've seen hawks in our yard several times, but Jim — as much a bird lover as I am — has lamented his lack of hawk sightings. So I quickly put down my camera, ran to get my iPhone, then called Jim at work for a FaceTime chat so he could see the hawk.

(Yes, such things are important enough to interrupt Jim at work. He agreed without hesitation.)

When I returned to the window, the hawk was still there, oblivious to my scrambling about.

I held up the phone to the window. Naturally, Jim couldn't see the hawk very well. (FaceTime needs a zoom function!)

As I turned the phone about trying to provide a better angle, calling out to Jim to Look right there!, that darn hawk swiftly rose from the ground, swooped over to the dead bird below me, snatched it up in his claws, then soared fast as could be over the fence and off into the wild blue yonder, all in the blink of an eye.

Gah! The nerve of that thing!

My first thought: Oh, that poor baby bird.

My second thought: At least I no longer have to go pick it up and throw it away.

Such is the nature of nature, I suppose. The predator had served his purpose. (The least of which was serving as blog fodder for today's post.)

My final thought: Jim has yet to see a hawk in our yard.

Today's question:

What wild animal do you wish you could see up close?

20 ways grandparents can model a healthy relationship

My husband and I celebrated our thirty-second First Kiss Anniversary on Sunday. Yes, thirty-two years ago, PawDad and I smooched for the very first time, sealing forever our fate as parents, grandparents and more.

We've always marked the day in a small but special way. This year it was simply skipping church to go out to breakfast together.

In light of our celebration, I considered that one of the best things grandparents can do for grandchildren — and parents can do for their children, regardless of the child's age — is to model a positive personal relationship with their partners.

How can grandmothers do that, though, when time with grandkids is typically focused on the kids?

Here are 20 ways you can do both — be a fun and interesting grandma to the kids while nurturing your relationship with their grandpa. At the same time. Together.

1. Make breakfast together — Grandma, Grandpa and the grandkids.

2. Play an outdoor game that requires teams — Grandma and Grandpa on one team, grandkids on another.

3. Play a board game using the same team approach.

4. Take a family bike ride.

5. Spread a blanket in the yard for some night-time stargazing as a family.

6. Wear matching No. 1 Grandpa and No. 1 Grandma T-shirts on the same day. (Okay, I must admit that this one might make me — and Jim ... and our adult kids — gag. But some grandparents do get into this. Which is cute.)

7. Hold hands while taking a walk around the block — or through the mall — with the grandkids.

8. Play Wii games together.

9. Go ice skating.

10. Or roller skating.

11. Have a dance party in the living room, playing songs you enjoyed when first dating. Don't hold back on showing the kids your best dance moves.

12. Create a video together to email or text to long-distance grandchildren.

13. Roast marshmallows by the outdoor fire pit or indoor fireplace.

14. Perform a musical number for the kids, playing instruments, singing or both. Kids love performing for Grandma and Grandpa; this gives them a turn at being in the audience.

15. Take a break from pushing swings and such at the park to hang out together on a blanket while the kids play.

16. Share photo albums from the early years.

17. Better yet, share your wedding album.

18. And if it's your thing, take the kids to church with you…and sit by Grandpa.

19. Have a movie night featuring Grandma and Grandpa’s favorite movie — and your favorite movie snacks.

20. Create a fort for the grandkids then surprise them when they arrive.

Today's question:

What memories do you have of your grandparents expressing love for each other?