Grandma's a chicken

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♪♫ "Grandma's a chicken. ♪ Grandma's a chicken." ♪♫

That's what my sister told me last week.

Well, no she didn't.

I'm not only a chicken, I'm a liar, too. My sister didn't tell me that at all.

That's just what I felt like after getting off the phone with her. Not only did I feel like a chicken, I felt like a party-pooping chicken at that.

See, my sister and her husband own a ranch. With lots of outdoorsy activities for energetic people with get-up and go and gumption. And last week she called to invite Jim and me to spend a day or two at the ranch.

"We can go four wheelin'!" she said.

To which I immediately said, "Uh, no. I'm not a four-wheelin' kind of person."

"Not canyon-wall-climbing kind of four wheelin', you silly goon," she swore.

Still, my answer was no.

"Then you and Jim can ride the ATVs!"

"Definite no on that!" I quickly countered. After many years as editor of a parenting magazine and receiving a plethora of press releases from safety organizations of all sorts proclaiming ATVs the deathtrap of all deathtraps, my invitation to hop on a deathtrap just for the heck of it was DE-CLINED. No ATVs for me. Or Jim.

"Well, you can sit in the hot tub."

We have a hot tub...that we never use...and recently emptied because we never use it. Not a big draw for either of us.

"Jim can shoot things! We have a shooting range and everything you can imagine to shoot with. Manly violent stuff Jim will like."

Jim with a gun? Now THAT is scary?

"And we have horses! Do you like horses?"

Of course I like horses. Who doesn't like horses?

"And would you get on one?"

Umm...maybe.

I texted her a few days ago. Yes, we'll come this weekend, I told her.

And, yes, I'll ride a horse. Which I've not done since the late '90s when a family trip to Estes Park included a horseback-riding excursion. I'm crossing my fingers she'll saddle up one that's more of the walkie-walkie not trit-trot-trit-trot-gallopy-gallopy-gallopy sort.

And, yes, Jim will shoot things, I added. Maybe. (He has no idea I told her yes on that one. The shooting range will be a test of possibly unrealized machismo; this paragraph a test to see if he reads to the end of my posts.)

"Good. Then he can go on an ATV ride, too," she offered. "A sissy one."

We'll see—on all counts.

I'll keep you posted on all counts.

Including whether I chicken out and sit in the hot tub instead.

photo: stock.xchng/jdrjosh

Today's question:

What are your plans for this weekend?

I spy with my little eye

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While visiting my grandsons a few weeks ago, I took 1,308 photos. Seriously. Not all were of my grandsons, though.

Here are examples of what I shot when my camera wasn't focused on Baby Mac and Bubby—all taken while in the back yard with the boys, except the fourth, which was taken on our walk to the nearby park (and all straight out of the camera, no editing):

Today's question:

What did you most recently take photos of?

Photo replay: Snow delight

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The week Bubby visited, the weather was the best autumn offers: clear skies, resplendent sunshine, warm days and crisp nights.

The morning Megan and the boys were leaving for home, Bubby threw open my bedroom door first thing, exulting, "Gramma, it SNOWED!" 

Other than a few freak flurries in the desert, it was Bubby's first experience with real snow, accumulating snow. Such a delight!

Today's question:

When do you expect to see your first snow of the season? Or have you already?

Five points for moving along

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As I walked the dogs yesterday morning, I saw through the trees ahead a buck of substantial size. I often see deer along that road, but rarely bucks. Each time I see deer (or fox, sometimes even squirrels, birds, butterflies. leaves blowing across the road) it's a struggle to keep the dogs—Mickey in particular—under control. So I swiftly crossed the dogs to the other side of the road in hopes they wouldn't notice it as we passed it by.

Naturally, that's right when Mickey saw the buck...and the second it was bounding to meet up with. I tugged the yelping dogs in line and did my best to keep moving along.

"I can tell from that yelp that your dogs have seen the buck," said a gentleman—refined and eerily akin to 60-year-old Anderson Cooper—as he stepped from behind a bush. A bush he'd been working near, plucking weeds from his yard, not a bush he'd been lurking behind for unknown nefarious reasons. I think.

Me: Yeah, he certainly did.

Gentleman (clearly in awe): Five-by-five there.

Me (thinking WTH? Size? Must have to do with size): Oh yeah? It is big. I've not seen one that large yet this year.

Gentleman: I haven't either, but those are two five-by-fives and one four-by-three.

Me (using my infinite conversational skills): Three? Wow! I only saw two.

Gentleman: Oh yeah, there's three.

Me (pulling on dog leashes and itching to move along): Wow!

Gentleman (slowly shaking his head in disgust): Yeah, two five-by-fives. And I'm a bow-hunter and there ain't nothing I can do about it.

Me (in pseudo similar disgust): Yeah, you gotta just wave as they go on by.

Gentleman (in resignation): Ha...Yeah...

Me: Well, you have a good day.

Gentleman: You, too.

The gentleman gazed across the road at the three bucks ambling toward the ridge, lust and longing palpable as he slowly shook his head.

The dogs and I moved along as I resisted the urge to shake my own head...for a very different reason, to be sure.

Photo: stock.xchng...since I didn't have my camera with me.

Today's question:

Thoughts on bucks, city hunting, or neighbors lurking behind bushes?

Summer!

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Today the trumpets sound and summer officially begins!

Simple seasonal pleasures I look forward to:

• The smell of freshly cut grass

• Raspberries, cherries, blueberries, rhubarb, and sweet corn

• Gurgling from the back yard waterfall

• Scents wafting from BBQ grills ... ours and the neighbors'

• Open windows at night, awaking to a slight morning chill

• Hummingbirds

• S'mores and weenies over the fire pit

• Covering with only a sheet at night

• Dinner parties, game nights, and margaritas on the patio

• Non-party dinners on the patio, just Jim and me ... and the girls, when they visit

• Hot air balloons floating over the house (although the part where they scare the cuss out of Lyla isn't so great)

• Root beer floats

• Sunny day BBQs with friends and family, our place or theirs

• Relaxing in our peaceful three-season porch ... which really can be enjoyed only one season — this season — in Colorado

• The sound of the ice cream truck rolling through the neighborhood (although it would be much more delightful if he updated his play list)

• Apples, peaches, plums, hollyhocks, geraniums, clematis, zinnias, roses, dianthus, day lillies, grape vines and the wild and crazy vine I've yet to identify, growing in the front yard and back. Plus others I try to get to grow in the front yard and back

• Rocking in my rocker on the deck, listening to the birds cheep and chirp and the wind chimes tinkle in the breeze

• Homemade ice cream, at least once

• Watering my flower buckets ... and the zucchini/pumpkin patch that will produce this time

• Our annual summer visit to the desert, this time to not only celebrate Bubby's birthday, but to meet his new baby brother Mac!

Today's question:

What simple pleasures of summer do you look forward to?