National Humor Month: Giggles and grins for kids

/

April is National Humor Month. Don't let it end without getting in a few giggles, grins, and groans with the grandkids.

Here are a few to get things started:

What does a baby ear of corn call its father?
Pop Corn.

Why are movie stars cool?
Because they have so many fans.

How many months have 28 days?
All of them.

Two snowmen are standing in a meadow. One snowman turns to the other and says, "Do you smell carrots?"

What is the strongest bird?
A crane.

On which side does a leopard have the most spots?
On the outside.

What did the hat say to the hat rack?
“You stay here. I’ll go on ahead.”

How do you find a lost rabbit?
Easy. Just make a sound like a carrot.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Donut.
Donut who?
Donut ask me any more silly questions.

What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
“Where’s my tractor?”

How many letters are there in the alphabet?
Eleven—T..h..e...A..l..p..h..a..b..e..t

What is the difference between here and there?
The letter T.

What did the bad chicken lay?
A deviled egg.

Why did the students eat their homework?
Because their teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Why does a flamingo lift up one leg?
Because if he lifted up both legs he would fall over.

Where can everyone always find money when they look for it?
In the dictionary.

Why do male deer need braces?
Because they have buck teeth.

What kind of hair do oceans have?
Wavy.

What kind of car does Mickey Mouse's wife drive?
A Minnie van.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Mayor.
Mayor who?
Mayor days be filled with love and laughter.

Today's fill-in-the-blank:

The last person I shared a joke with was _______________.

Nine in five

/

Nine things I've learned in the last five days:

1. I will never again use Kool-Aid to color Easter eggs. The colors aren't vibrant, purple turns brown, green is impossible (even if you mix yellow and blue), and the color doesn't stay on the eggs very well at all.

2. Woodpeckers will from now on be called Woodeffers by me because they do nothing but eff up the wood on the side of my house. And they chuckle from the trees when I chase them off, only to return to their previous effing pecking spot the instant I go inside.

3. Traditions started in childhood continue to matter—as much to my daughters as to me.

4. Photos sent via text messaging are the next best thing to Skype which is the next best thing to being there.

(Though it would have been nice to be there to hug Baby Mac, who looks a wee bit scared of—or, more likely, annoyed by—Mr. Bunny.)

5. Popping Vitamin E pills really does help with cracked heels. Literally popping the pills, that is, and rubbing the oil into your heels.

6. I can't get enough Bones. The series. We may be late comers to the series, but thanks to instant streaming on Netflix, Jim and I are well into the fourth season and never at a loss for what to watch on TV despite having canceled cable several months ago. (And we will surely be just as sad to end the marathon viewing sessions as we were when we finished Lost. And Firefly. And Lie to Me. And Friday Night Lights. And Sons of Anarchy.)

7. Jim is dead serious about preferring chocolate desserts over any other kind. Even ones that look—and taste!—as delicious as the Mini Cheesecakes I made for Easter dinner.  

8. I'm no longer compelled to stay awake until my children come home after a night out, proven by my being sound asleep when our Easter weekend houseguest, Andrea, went out with friends Saturday night and got home well after the bars had closed.

9. Despite huge changes to the dynamics and logistics over the past several years, the best part of each and every holiday has remained the same: time with my favorite people, my family—all except the desert dwellers, of course.

(Even when they're dorks like Brianna and Andie and unwittingly wear the very same outfit on the same day.)

Today's question:

What have you recently learned?

Lesson learned

/

Not long ago, I wrote in this post of Bubby's utter and undisguised disappointment in the gift I sent him for Valentine's Day. He made it perfectly clear then that little boys want toys not something practical in the gifts they open from their grandma.

So when looking for small gifts to mail to Bubby and Baby Mac for Easter, I thought long and hard about my choices, hoping to hit the mark on two counts: 1) they were toys, and 2) they were toys my grandsons would like.

For Bubby the Batman fanatic, I found a set of action figures that featured Batman, Robin, and a motorcycle. For Baby Mac—who truly wants for nothing because Bubby has it all and shares it all—I opted for a stuffed Mickey Mouse. According to Megan, he loves Mickey and Bubby never did, so there were no Mickeys in the house.

The day the package arrived, Megan texted me the following photos of the boys upon first opening their Easter gifts from Gramma. 

I think Gramma did okay this time.

Lesson learned.

Today's question:

What was the highlight of your Easter/Passover holiday?

The Saturday Post: Egg inspiration edition

/

Tonight Jim, Brianna, Andrea and I will color our Easter eggs. I thought I was being fairly creative by breaking with tradition and buying all we need to try decorating our eggs using Kool Aid. Well, let's just say our colorful eggs to come ain't got nothing on these interesting creations, some of which I plan to try out next year.

Today's question:

What is your most tried and true egg-decorating technique?

Easter in an empty nest: 9 no longers

/

1. No longer do I set out Easter decorations. At least not this year. Maybe next year. Or maybe at least a centerpiece for Easter dinner this year. Maybe.

2. No longer do I buy Easter outfits.

3. No longer do I referee arguments during egg coloring over who got the purple first, who dipped their "dirty" blue spoon into the yellow, and who is copying whom on the designs drawn with crayons.

4. No longer do I have three girls in the pew next to me covering their ears so they don't jump at the strepitus at the end of the Good Friday Tenebrae service.

5. No longer do I remind my daughters at bedtime on Easter eve to make "nests" with their baby afghans for their baskets so the Easter Bunny can easily find them for filling in the night.

6. No longer do I nibble on carrots left for the Easter Bunny.

7. No longer do I play Easter Bunny at all.

8. No longer am I awakened Easter morning by little ones—or big ones—tiptoeing down the stairs to see what the Easter Bunny left in their baskets.

9. No longer do I have to say again and again and again to "Put the candy away NOW and go get ready for church."

I miss all that.

Well, maybe not No. 9.

Because I still say that.

Only now I say it to Jim.

Again and again and again.

(Just for old time's sake.)

Today's question:

How has Easter changed for you in the last few years?

The Saturday Post: Into The Mystic edition

/

I'm proud to say that I am indeed Irish and not just on St. Patrick's Day. In honor of the holiday, here's my favorite Irish musician, Van Morrison, singing one of my all-time favorite songs of his.

May the luck o' the Irish be with us all!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!