It's official: I'm a cool grandparent

As a teen, I pored over personality quizzes that might better tell me who I was and what I wanted—those ever-so-important things that I simply could not figure out for myself. If I circled the right number of As or Bs or ALL OF THE ABOVEs, the super-scientific methodology would make me feel good about myself while directing me to the places in need of improvement. Or so I hoped.

As a young wife and mother, I continued to want—no, need—validation through personality and relationship quizzes offered in magazines ranging from Redbook to Parents. In between diapering, bathing, feeding and surviving, I took quizzes any time I came across them. I even bought books—one a hardcover, if you can believe it!—of quizzes to help me figure out me, myself, and I.

COOL GRANDMAS LET GRANDSONS LICK THE BOWLApparently I've not outgrown the need for quiz-based validation, not even as a grandma. For when I saw that friend and fellow grandma Susan posted on her Grandparents.About.com website a What's Your Grandparenting Style quiz, I couldn't click my way there quickly enough.

I'm now older and a wee bit wiser than the quiz-taking adolescent or young mother I once was. So I kept my enthusiasm in check, resolved to remain blasé about what I might find and what the quiz may reveal. I skeptically assumed the quiz would be three or four questions followed by a designation along the lines of "You are the best kind of grandma ever, the kind who loves your grandbaby sweetie bugs to death and they love you totally and completely in return."Such a generic result would be not only a cop-out but a disappointment.

I was happy to see—and should have known to begin with—that Susan was better than that. She offered up a fairly in-depth questionaire. Sure, it wasn't a Myers-Brigg type psychological test by any stretch of the imagination. Questions, though, were many and ran the gamut from one's gifting style to what kind of grandma attire she might wear on to how disciplinary action may be taken on a trash-can-toppling grandson.

COOL GRANDMAS MAKE UP TRAMPOLINE GAMESI thoughtfully considered each question, then went with my gut in answering, just as any long-time personality quiz-taker has learned provides the most accurate results. (No more adolescent manipulation of the outcome by guessing which answers provide desired results rather than the reality.) Once I made it through the fourteen questions, each with six possible answers, I braced myself for the outcome, hoping for confirmation that I'm doing the right thing as a grandma while also providing a few unexpected revelations on where I rock and where I need to roll up my sleeves and get to work.

Now, I don't want to incite the crowd, create jealousy where none should be, so I'm a tad reluctant to share my results. In my quest to be a transparent blogger, though, I must honestly and completely reveal the outcome. On one hand, it's what I expected. On the other hand...well... Oh, hell, I cannot lie. It's what I expected. Sort of. After decades of self-test taking, how could I not know how this one might turn out.

Still, it made me smile. For this, my friends, is the official word on my grandparenting style:

What's Your Grandparenting Style?

You're a Cool Grandparent!

You are not the stereotypical grandparent. For one thing, you're totally at ease with technology. You're likely to be young in years, but you are definitely young at heart. You love movies, music, video games and other diversions that you can share with your grandchildren once they get old enough. You're not really into baking, knitting or gardening, and you're not a great fan of family history. You're more interested in living in the here and now, and your grandchildren will appreciate that.

Did they hit it on the head or what?

Sure, they missed on the baking, for I do indeed love to bake. And gardening, well, I'm trying and will get it one of these years, for sure. But I'll just figure gardening—and the need to become a more avid fan of my freaky family history—as the places needing improvement I hoped would be pointed out to me.

Despite those minor misses, confirmation and validation came in spades. Or at least came in the first three sentences of my results. For proof, check out my About page here on my blog. A quick scan of it and you'll see that the Granparent.About.com quiz is no slouch. It turned out to be fairly accurate. At least in my case.

What about in yours? Take the quiz for yourself and see. I hope you'll come back here afterward and report your grandparenting style. I promise not to be jealous.

For I'm cool like that. And I have the quiz results to prove it.

Today's question:

When did you last take a quiz in a magazine or online?

Right versus real

Bubby and Mac had the privilege of going to California last week. They saw the ocean for the first time, frolicking on the beach and splashing in the waves.

They visited Disneyland for the first time, experiencing the thrills and chills of one of the happiest places on earth. They rode rides at the recently opened Cars Land.

I'm so jealous.

I'm not jealous because I want to have fun in the sun or meet up with Lightning McQueen and the gang in Radiator Springs. I'm jealous because it was the other grandparents who treated my grandsons to the grand weekend trip.

I know, I know, I know: That's not right.

But that's real.

Believe me, I wish I didn't feel that way.

I wish I didn't look at the pictures Megan posted on Facebook—and graciously granted me permission to use—through the green-tinged lens of a jealous grandma.

I don't want to be jealous. At all. Bubby and Mac had the time of their lives, and I'm ever so happy for that, for them. I'm ever so happy the other grandparents are able and willing to do things Jim and I can't.

Yet, I'm jealous.

That doesn't mean, though, that I wish the trip wouldn't have happened. Or that it would have been a bust, that the good times hadn't rolled for one and all. I truly don't begrudge the boys, their parents, their other grandparents the delightful trip, filled with new thrills and chills and colorful fun beyond compare.

Being jealous also doesn't mean I gloated over the not-so delightful parts of their trip. The forgotten sunscreen and the subsequent burned grandbabies. Or the terrifying moments for Bubby when he rode a thrill ride with heart-pounding thrills he's not yet ready for.

Or the equally terrifying moments for Mac when he came face-to-face with the silly-but-oh-so-scary-to-a-one-year-old Sully.

I didn't and don't gloat over such things. I don't want my grandsons to experience pain or terror. Ever. I want nothing but good times, delightful times for them. And I'm genuinely thankful and appreciative their other grandparents—who are good and kind and loving people—help provide rich, exciting, interesting experiences for our mutual grandchildren, so the boys will lead rich, exciting, interesting lives.

That's what I want for the boys. Always. Without a doubt.

Still, I'm jealous.

That doesn't make me bad.

That makes me human.

Today's question:

When were you last jealous of the other grandparents—or your child's in-laws, if you're not a grandparent?

Summer break for Grilled Grandmas

There's likely no busier time than summer, especially when it comes to spending time with the grandkids. Which is why you're not seeing right here, right now a Grilled Grandma—the weekly feature I've posted every Wednesday since introducing readers to Grilled Grandma Liz in October of 2009.

Grandmas are busy women. That became all the more crystal clear for me, a long-distance grandma who doesn't usually spend a lot of time with her grandsons, after my recent week hosting Bubby and Mac. Now I'm finding it hard to have a clear conscience about asking potential grillees to step away from their summer fun with the grandchildren to answer my questions.

So I'm not going to ask those questions anymore. At least not through the rest of the summer. It is officially summer break for the Grilled Grandmas.

That said, I do still have Grilled Grandma wit and wisdom to share. I may not do this every Wednesday in place of the Grilled Grandma feature, but at least this Wednesday—so no one suffers ill effects of going cold turkey—I'm sharing with you a small sampling of responses from the Grilled Grandmas to one of my favorite Grilled Grandma questions.

Here are those answers—with a few photos of Bubby and Mac interjected in between, simply because I took 6,726 (no joke!) during their visit and need to share those any chance I get, as well.

WHAT IS THE MOST CHALLENGING PART OF BEING A GRANDMA?


Remembering my place—I’m not their mom and need to respect my daughter in her role. —Robin

I can’t fit them all on my lap at one time. —Alice

For me it’s the feeling of competition to “keep up” with the other grandparents. It would be very easy for it to turn uncomfortably competitive. —Vicki

Knowing that when I visit them I will have to say goodbye. —Mary

I am concerned about the future—what kind of world we seem to be living in right now, with the economy and the politics of mean-spiritedness. Heck, I worry about those things TODAY, not just for the future. —Olga

The most challenging part is that four different sets of adult parents have very different ideas about child rearing. Trying to avoid stepping on toes is challenging for me. —Kimberly

The most challenging part for me is not giving in to their every command. For the “serious” things I stand strong. But for those little things that it really doesn’t matter, GG let’s them do/have it. —Jules

I was not a perfect parent. So when I see my children doing things I know are not perfect but will do no harm, I am quiet. I save my comments for safety issues and answers to their questions. I am older and I have seen too much, so I could be a huge black cloud. I really do not want to do that. It is a challenge, to say the least. —Barbara

Wanting to keep them from all the bad things yet knowing that it is an impossible task. —Janie

The most challenging part of being a grandma is remembering that your wonderful, caring child IS the parent. —Nita

Working full time and not being able to go to all of their activities. —Connie


The most challenging part for me is trying to divide my time and attention between my three young children and my grandson. I feel like I’m missing out on some of the “full grandmother” experience because I’m young and have little one of my own to care for. I don’t want my grandbaby to feel cheated out of “grandma time,” too. —Kelli

Realizing that I am not as young as I used to be...especially when I get down on the floor to play with them...and, it takes me quite a long time to get back up...as well as lots of moans and groans! —Laurie

Dealing with their parents! I don’t mean that in a bad way—it’s just that they all have their own parenting methods, and I have to remember about what that is for each family! —Angel


Balancing everything. I am also caring for elderly parents and there can be a lot of appointments, health needs, etc. at both ends of the age spectrum. —Kaye

The most challenging thing for me, is on holidays, or special occasions, showing grace and consideration for the exes and the extended family. —Linda

For me it is learning how to just let go and have fun and play. I am still learning how to do that. —Marlene

I haven't met a challenging part yet in being a grandma. —Terri


• To read more responses to this question as well as a plethora of other profundities from the experts in the grandparenting field—the grandmothers—click on over to the Grilled Grandma Archives. •

Today's question:

What is the the biggest challenge you face today in being a grandparent?

Great resource for grandparents

I've found very few websites of worth for grandparents, at least grandparents that look, sound and act like the grandparents Jim and I are. But today I ran across a pretty good one I think everyone will like. It's called GRAND and the tagline is "The online magazine for grandparents and the grandkids who love them." Grandmas: You won't want to miss their "Sexiest Granddad Award winners" feature!

AND, look who made the cover this month! (Okay, not really, but there's a really cool feature that allows you to upload a photo and create a cover to e-mail, print, share.)

Check it out!

(Note: This may be a tad biased, but after creating the cover of Bubby, I looked at all the other custom covers by grandparents and I gotta say, Bubby definitely is the cutest grandson ever!!)

*Props to Megan's friend Allison for the fantastic photo of Bubby!