I first fully grasped the definition of the word 'bittersweet' in late 2007, when I learned I was going to be a grandmother. I was thrilled to have a grandbaby on the way, but it literally hurt my heart to know I'd be only a minor player in the baby's daily life, due to how far away my new grandchild would live.

Yes, I was a long-distance grandma from the get-go. I’m still a long-distance grandma to the one who first made me a grandmother. To his two brothers, as well.

It was—and is—a less than ideal situation. Yet having survived having not just one grandson but three born and living miles and miles away from me, I’m compelled to pass along a few tips for other long-distance grandmas struggling with similarly bittersweet circumstances.

survive being long distance grandma baby.jpg

Get there often... with permission
Visit the websites of the airlines that provide service between you and the little one, then sign up for their newsletters highlighting special deals. Take advantage of those deals, visiting as often as your budget—and the baby's parents—allow. Never, ever surprise the little family with a visit, though, as there's nothing more unnerving than unexpected guests, even when it's Grandma.

Utilize video chat apps and options
Learn to use Zoom, Facetime, WhatsApp and others on a regular basis. Sure, the baby can't interact much in the first year or so, but you can see live shots of the little one. And slowly but surely that baby will sprout into a toddler and be happy to see Grandma's smiling face on the monitor. It really is the next best thing to being there.

The telephone still comes in handy
Mom and Dad are busy raising Junior and won't have as much time to engage in video chats as you'd like. So telephone calls are great for quickly touching base and keeping your voice top of mind for the baby—for as often as Mom or Dad are willing to put you on speaker during your calls.

Can't beat tech for obtaining pictures
Save Mom and Dad some time—and some long-winded begging from you for printed photos of the baby—by encouraging them to text pictures to you on a regular basis for you to print out yourself. In addition, ask for permission from them for you to save photos they’ve shared on social media and print out. Sure, it’d be great (and considerate) for the parents to always put you at the tip-top of the list for sharing photos of the sweetie but, trust me, it unfortunately doesn’t always happen. At least probably not as often as you’d like.

Send pictures of yourself to be placed in baby's view
Provide pictorial reminders of Grandma for Baby’s room and other places, so Baby becomes familiar with your smiles despite the miles.

Give them space, stay outta their face
The baby is the most important thing in lives of the new mom and dad right now, not pleasing grandma. Despite all the opportunities for making yourself a part of the baby's life, don't make a nuisance of yourself just because you simply can't get enough of that kid. Be happy with what you're given, and don't take offense if it's not as much as you'd like.

Get busy
As noted above, you don't want to be a thorn in the side of the new parents, and the best way to avoid being one is to get on with your life. Find other things to keep you busy, other things to take your mind off missing your grandchild. Racking up experiences unrelated to grandparenting makes you a much more interesting—and happy—person, which goes a long way in making the moments you do have with your grandchild far more enjoyable.

Being a long-distance grandma of a baby is harder on the heart than it looks, but you can survive. I did—three times over. There really is no other choice. Yet take heart: The light at the end of the tunnel is that the older your grandchild gets, the easier it becomes to stay connected—despite those unforgiving miles in between.