Grilled Grandma: Ronda Kay

How many children do you have? I was blessed to bring five into the world, and then when they married I got another bonus five, and my dream of having ten children came true!

I started with my three daughters and two sons, and got used to the ‘more girls than boys’ status. Then they all got married and I find it perplexing that we now are even – five and five! It’s like one of those bizarre mathematical riddles I can’t comprehend, either.

How many grandchildren? What are their ages? I now have nearly twenty – they came quickly, in batches, and the oldest are only seven!

This winter my three daughters gave birth almost simultaneously – with only a couple of weeks between their births! I’m always naturally nervous during a pregnancy, and to have all three of them carrying at the same time was very challenging to my nervous system! And they each had three little ones at home, so it felt like the Grandmother Olympics, and I was definitely positioned to ‘go for the gold’!

Any great grandchildren? Apparently I have a while until that blessing, although my best impetus to working on my health is the dream that I’ll get to hold these grandbabies babies…

What do your grandchildren call you? ‘Savta’ is grandmother in Hebrew, so I feel that I lucked out. I’m among those who can’t even begin to identify with the ‘grandmother’ words, let alone the stereotypes. I sense that we all want to be grandparents, but we surely don’t want to be called that!  My mother is “Grandmother,” at 92, and proud of it. I think we GrandBoomers are the first sandwich generation who are deep into our grandparenting while the older generation is still with us… so it doesn’t seem time to step into the top rung yet.

Some of my grandchildren have a second grandmother called ‘Savta’ too, so then I’m Savta Yerushalayim, Yerushalayim referring to Jerusalem, where I live. This is a dream come true for me, since I mostly raised my kids in the US, dreaming of returning one day to Israel, which seemed like a distant hope.  I just celebrated my 10 year anniversary living back in Israel, and it’s still a dream come true to be here, and having grandchildren call me (the equivalent of) ‘Jerusalem Grandmom’!

How often do you get to see your grandchildren? One of the advantages of being single and having mobile work is that I created a crazy lifestyle that allows me to see everyone, often.

Miraculously, since I was literally penniless when I arrived in Israel ten years ago (although being at ‘break even’ and no longer in debt felt fantastic), I have made it back to the US every three months! I go for about three weeks, dividing my time among the three kid-families and my parents – usually with a color-coded excel spreadsheet that I send out to everyone, detailing where I’ll sleep each night, and juggling revisions until it suits everyone’s schedules.

Perhaps because I am single so when I visit I sink into their lifestyle totally – perhaps because I stay usually at least four full days/nights – whatever the reason I manage to get up to date on all the big and small dramas of their lives, and stay in tune in between. So the babysitters all know me, and I manage to show up for a good number of school plays, cupcake birthday parties, and other important occasions. And, to have plenty of late night chats with my kids about their parenting concerns, school and camp decisions, and career issues. It’s a miracle!

And for my two daughters and their families here in Israel, I’m usually there once a week. For the last three years I’ve had it easy, as they live across the street from each other and co-parent all day. Now they are both moving though, as are some of the kids in the US too, so a new phase is beginning.
Never a dull moment, that’s for sure…

What is the best thing about being a grandma? The best surprise is having some time to think, recharge, and reflect. It’s like parenting, with a hold button. Sometimes I feel that our privilege as grands is to have resource to do some of the great things we thought of as parents, but didn’t have time or energy to do. Not being sleep-deprived gives a new perspective.

What is the most challenging part of being a grandma? I wonder who took my common sense away and when I forgot the difference between right and wrong. [Editor’s note: What follows is a partial quote from an article Ronda recently wrote, quoted per her request. Lisa] I thought grand-parenting would just be ‘parenting, again’ Like bike riding: A skill you never forget and just get back on and go. So what a shock to find out that my parenting bank account had been cleaned out – for even simple tasks, let alone the tough ones. And the rules today are a moving target: Now we need to worry whether toys are toxic, the car seat has a five-point harness, or the baby bottle is leaking PVC. Will I ever catch up!?!

What is your favorite thing to do with grandchildren who visit your house? Observe them find the treasures I’ve hidden all over for them – and share their excitement… I have a ‘work cabinet’ for them – a set of plastic rolling drawers jam packed with broken electronics stuff (old computer mouses, cell phones, walkmans, etc.) and other hiding places they love to dig in to see what’s new… little inexpensive stuff I find and hide, and sometimes forget myself! I love overhearing them discover stuff from another room and then seeing their shining faces as they run in to show me their discoveries!

What is your favorite thing to do when visiting grandchildren at their house? I love letting their parents get much needed rest in the morning, and having them all pile into bed with me for extended wake-up time cuddles…

How do you maintain the bond between yourself and your grandchildren between visits? Excellent question! And the answer changes, as I experiment with different options….and as they grow… the number one ingredient is consistency, but I can’t say that I’ve managed that… I believe that a mix of snail mail (which I think we grossly underestimate, since it’s personal and highly valued by kids), phone/webcam, and email ‘stuff’ like e-cards and all the wonderful stuff continually being added to cheap and easy long-distance media would provide terrific bonds, if I could keep it all going!

What do you most want to pass along to your grandchildren? Character building values like self-esteem, self-respect, and insatiable imagination.

What is one word you hope your grandkids think of when they think of you? Happy!

You can visit Ronda Kay any time on her website: GrandGifting.

Grilled Grandma: Nancy

How many children do you have? I have one fabulous stepdaughter. I married her dad 25 years ago when she was 8. We like to say I “married them.”

How many grandchildren? What are their ages? Augie is 3-and-a-half; ViolaMae is 2.

Any great grandchildren? Nope.

What do your grandchildren call you? I’m “Grandma,” and my hubby is “Pa.” My best friend’s son called me Fancy Nancy for a while. so for laughs we sometimes call me Grandma Fancy Nancy.
 
How often do you get to see your grandchildren? Nearly every day. They come to our house for daycare every weekday during the school year; their parents are both teachers. We live less than two miles from them, so we are also convenient and eager sitters when mommy and daddy need to run an errand. In the summers, we are together at St. Paul Saints baseball games. And Augie sometimes spontaneously asks to play at Pa’s house, or to meet for breakfast at Perkins. We are so lucky that way!  

What is the best thing about being a grandma? The rewards of seeing your love and attention and ideas spark their imaginations, contribute to their character, and foster their confidence…and the fabulous way they love you back. Of course their parents play the primary role, but if you are in their lives regularly—even from a distance—and you really pay attention to them and use your imagination, you can add richness to their lives.

What is the most challenging part of being a grandma? The first challenge was finding time to participate in daycare. When Augie was born I was working fulltime, and Peter did all the daycare. I started getting up early to play with them, and it became hard to leave for the office so I cut back my work hours—and then further when ViMae came along. I will retire by the end of December, but we’ll have the kids longer hours, and the new challenge (at age 67) is to keep up my stamina. They expect me to dance, play catch, pitch and hit baseballs, chase them around the yard, take them to the park…. I need to exercise more before we start up again in the fall!

Describe a recent time that one (or more) of your grandchildren made you laugh out loud. They both repeat rules back to us at funny times. For example, we sit in the front row at baseball games, and we’ve taught the children that when a batter is in the box, everyone must sit down and stay back from the net to avoid getting hit by a foul ball. So when ViMae picked up a bat while playing yesterday, she told the rest of us, “Sit down, the batter’s in the box.” And when we saw a new kind of duck during a trip to the zoo, Augie spontaneously made up a song, adapting the Rolling Stones’ “Little Red Rooster” to become “Little White Shell Duck.”   

What is your favorite thing to do with grandchildren who visit your house? If I had to choose just one, it would be taking them to ride the restored antique carousel in St. Paul’s Como Park. My hubby and I saved the carousel from being sold at auction. For more than 20 years, we’ve led the nonprofit organization that bought and restored it, and that now operates it from May through October. It’s been a lot of work, and we used to say we did it for our future grandchildren. Now we have those grandchildren, and they love it. Sometimes I tear up from the sheer joy of it. (You can read about the carousel at www.ourfaircarousel.org.)

What is your favorite thing to do when visiting grandchildren at their house? We recently had our first “sleep-over” so mommy and daddy could go off and celebrate their fifth anniversary. We all enjoyed it so much that we suggested they go away for two nights next time!

How do you maintain the bond between yourself and your grandchildren between visits? It’s not much of an issue, but if they’re traveling they do call once in a while. If we were at a distance, I’d definitely want a computer with a built-in camera so we could talk online.  

What do you most want to pass along to your grandchildren? Their parents already give them tons of love and learning opportunities and positive reinforcement, but we have our own special contributions. We expose them to different kinds of music (blues, classical, opera, rock, Cajun, folk) and to many instruments (we have a piano, drum kit, bongos, violin, xylophone, recorder, bells, etc.) We all play together, and make up songs. Also, Pa and I like to make connections. When we read, we’re always pointing out similarities with another story or something that has happened. Children’s brains are developing all the time, and whenever they make a new connection (“look, this crown looks just like the one in that book”) a new synapse is formed. Forever. We’re thrilled that they share our love of baseball and the carousel, and that they are both confident, curious, upbeat kids. They know they are loved and they know they are capable of just about anything.

What is one word you hope your grandkids think of when they think of you? Love. When Augie was 2 he began to sing Old MacDonald….”and on his farm he had a Grandma.” Uh-oh, I thought, what’s that Grandma gonna say? “With an ‘I love you’ here, an ‘I love you there’….” I wrote on Facebook, “My. Life. Is. Complete.”

Be sure to stop by Nancy's place on the web: Blissed-Out Grandma.

Grilled Grandma: Joyce

How many children do you have?  Two: Denise and Eric

How many grandchildren? What are their ages? Eleven grandchildren (four girls and seven boys) ranging in age from nine to seventeen.

Any great grandchildren? No, not yet.

What do your grandchildren call you? Grandma, but one Christmas, our eldest grandson decided to give everyone around the table a "food" name. Mine was "Gramcracker." So when I go to their schools for a storytelling session, I call myself "Gramcracker the Storyteller." Also, to be funny, another grandson started to call me "Grammar" because of my love of English.

How often do you get to see your grandchildren? One family lives close, so we interact with them a few times a week. Our daughter's family lives two hours away, so we connect about once a month.

What is the best thing about being a grandma? Pouring everything good and lovely into them. I love sitting down with them and explaining why manners are important, how valuable they are, and why we do this, and not that, etc. When I do something for them, I like to ask, "And why am I doing this?" Then, after we laugh, they reply, "Because you love me." They know!

What is the most challenging part of being a grandma? Teaching the concept that "actions have consequences."

Describe a recent time that one (or more) of your grandchildren made you laugh out loud. We were going out and the youngest said, " I want to wear black nylons just like you and have white hair just like you." We laughed at how she would look in white hair.

What is your favorite thing to do with grandchildren who visit your house? I am always looking for fun crafts to do, and I read stories and play games with them. Sometimes, we put on plays. I never want to hear that anyone was bored! But this is a favorite request when they come.

We love to experience Indoor Picnics as a special treat. Everyone helps to hide stuffed animals and dolls all around the house, along with construction paper rivers and trees. Previously, one of the children has created a map. First, everyone packs a bag lunch. Then we chose silly hats and neckerchiefs. A large toy airplane in the living room marks our eventual picnic spot.

The "mapmaker" leads us single file around the dining room table three times, then we travel through the hall to start our adventure. We hop over water, stop and talk to other hikers (dolls), and shy away from wild animals peeking out at us. We follow the map which takes us on a different route each time we do this.

"Oh, look over there, I think I see a plane!" We all rush over to investigate and decide that's the perfect place to spread our picnic cloth. After eating, we sing songs like "The Bear Went Over the Mountain" and "Teddy Bears' Picnic," chant "Let's Go On A Bear Hunt," etc., and enjoy lively conversation.

Afterward, we pick up our things, express what a good time we had, and head back to civilization with new, happy deposits in our memory banks. On the way back, someone invariably asks, "When can we do this again?"

I am not the "good cook" grandma; I am the "imagination" grandma!

What is your favorite thing to do when visiting grandchildren at their house? We play games, read books, and most of all, I enjoy participating in whatever they are doing. I help with school projects and planning upcoming events.

How do you maintain the bond between yourself and your grandchildren between visits? We talk on the phone very often. When they are anticipating something at school or church, I call to see how things went. Even though distance separates us, I want them to know that I am still interested in all they do.

What do you most want to pass along to your grandchildren? Christian values

What is one word you hope your grandkids think of when they think of you? Integrity (I chose that to be an example to them, but it is hard to choose only ONE word!)


Grilled Grandma: Marilyn

How many children do you have? My husband and I have 6 children aging from 50 years down to 38. Three girls and three boys.

How many grandchildren? What are their ages? We have six grandchildren aging from 29, 26, 11, 10 1/2, 8 and down to 2.  Four girls and two boys.

Any great grandchildren? No not yet!!!

What do your grandchildren call you? Grammie

How often do you get to see your grandchildren? It varies. The 29 (Karen) and 26 (Keri) year old granddaughters work and are going back to college for advanced degrees and live out of town (Austin, TX.)  So mainly at Christmas.
The 11 year old granddaughter, Haley, and 8 year old grandson, Carson, live out of town in Dallas, TX but I see them about 4 to 5 times a year.
The 10 year old granddaughter, Elizabeth, lives in another state, (Atlanta, GA) and I see her about 3 times a year.
The 2 year old grandson, Ian, lives out of town (Austin, TX) but a little closer and we see him about 5 times a year.

What is the best thing about being a grandma? So many things. Seeing the world through their young, innocent eyes. The kids running in the house screaming Grammie we're here and giving me hugs that almost knock me over!! The kids looking forward to my special surprises. When I visit them I always have a few surprises in my suitcase that I pull out from time to time during my visit. Telling stories to each other. Playing games and then Grammie Camp each summer. With the oldest two we have quiet lunches on birthdays at times now. But when they were little all the above applied plus I helped each of them make a quilt one year!!

What is the most challenging part of being a grandma? Not seeing them enough, having enough energy to keep up with them. Seeing them get too many things. It is hard to buy for them because they have everything. But I've learned that what they really want is your love and your time.

Describe a recent time that one (or more) of your grandchildren made you laugh out loud. I was holding one of my granddaughters in my arms and I looked down at her and I commented on her long, thick, beautiful eyelashes.  Using the same loving, admiring tone that I had used she said "and Grammie, you have such beautiful broken ones". She was giving me what she thought was a sincere compliment because that was what she saw!

What is your favorite thing to do with grandchildren who visit your house? I have a bedroom full of toys for all ages except for the oldest two and they all love to run upstairs to play with them. I have a large collection of books that we read together. I have two large drawers in my sewing room that are full of all kinds of craft materials. So we are always making something. My husband built a large play center in the backyard and in the summer he has hooked up pipes along the top of it (that he drilled holes in) and when they start swinging he turns on the water and it sprays on them. In Texas, it can get hot and they love that.  

What is your favorite thing to do when visiting grandchildren at their house? That can be harder. I do take games from time to time that I think they haven't played before. We have tea parties at Barnes and Noble!! Since I started taking them to look at books when they were around two years old I would take them first to the café in the bookstore. I would order two large decaf hot peach tea in the paper cups, a chocolate covered graham cracker for each of us and ask the clerk to give us demitasse cups. We would then pour our tea in our cups and have a special tea party. Then we would go and read books and they each got to pick out a favorite one to bring home. Because this became so much a part of our visits they would greet me at the door and ask when we were going to Barnes and Noble before they could even say it very clearly. I now have a huge portrait of all of the grandchildren (minus the 2 year old because he wasn't born at the time) above my piano with their tea table, cups and saucers and the Victorian Tea Party Hats I bought them having tea. Many a time as I sit in the living room I will sit and just look at that portrait. I think it is the most special thing that I own.

How do you maintain the bond between yourself and your grandchildren between visits? That has been harder. The two oldest grandchildren lived very close to me when they were little and they were at our house all the time. Most of their birthday parties and all holidays were with us at our house. The others when they were real small like our two year old is now, they couldn't talk on the telephone or even understand cards and we visited them a lot more. We helped the Moms take care of them when they were babies and toddlers but after they started school we went less frequently. We have now installed Skype on our computer and the other families are installing it on their computers so we will be able to talk to each other and see each other at the same time. I have sent them magazine subscriptions to Family Fun so they could find crafts they liked and they could make them with their Moms and Dads. They loved to get mail and I found some small, inexpensive games and puzzels at Cracker Barrel and would send them to them every month or so.

What do you most want to pass along to your grandchildren? The love of a God that is so in love with them that they can talk to Him whenever they want and depend upon Him to always be there for them. The love of reading and getting a good education. The love of family and a love of our wonderful country. And to know how much they are loved no matter what they do, unconditionally.

What is one word you hope your grandkids think of when they think of you? Love

Grilled Grandma: Susan

How many children do you have? I have 4 children.  My oldest three are girls and the baby is a boy….ages 32, 30,29,26.

How many grandchildren? What are their ages? I have 4 grandchildren.  My oldest daughter has two little girls, ages 4 and 2.  My second daughter has a 3 yr. old son and a 16 month old girl.

Any great grandchildren? Not yet…

What do your grandchildren call you? I started out as Nana but it morphed into Nina.  So, I am Nina.  My husband said he was too young to sleep with a grandma or a granny so…..

How often do you get to see your grandchildren? Well, I see two or more every week.   Two live 25 minutes away and 2 are an hour away so it depends on the week.  This week I have a date with my grandson to go see a movie.

What is the best thing about being a grandma? I would have to say that the best thing is that I can be all about love and fun stuff.  I make them mind me but that isn’t hard because their parents have done such a great job with teaching them respect.

When they come over, I drop everything and just play with them.  Of course, I also love to be able to send them home at the end of the day….hahaha.  I earned that!

What is the most challenging part of being a grandma? Knowing how hard it is for my girls.  Raising kids is just plain hard and when my girls are stressed or afraid they aren’t doing it right, then I am stress too.  You never stop being a mom.  Also, I am not as young as I was when I had kids so I get tired easily.  After they leave, I am exhausted….haha.  I had four and never slowed down but I can have one grandchild and can barely get out the door on time.

Describe a recent time that one (or more) of your grandchildren made you laugh out loud. Wow…..they make me laugh out loud all the time.  But, my grandson makes me laugh out loud all the time.  He is a funny kid.  However, the story that comes to mind is the other day we were shopping in Canton, Texas with my granddaughters and the oldest one needed to go to the bathroom.  Well, it was filthy and she looked at it and then looked at me and said, “What?  Seriously?”  It just cracked me up.  She was still 3 at the time.  How do you pick just one thing with grandkids.  Everything they do makes me laugh with pleasure.

What is your favorite thing to do with grandchildren who visit your house? I have an adjustable, vibrating sleep number bed.  For some reason, they love to get on my bed and put the head and feet up and turn the vibrator on.  Also, we have a golf cart and live in a little neighborhood where you can ride it around all over so, we ALWAYS ride the golf cart unless it is too cold or raining.  One more thing, we set up a tent and I cook them a corn dog.  Not that healthy, right?  But, that is part of being a grandma.

What is your favorite thing to do when visiting grandchildren at their house? Well, I just like to watch them play.  They want to show me their toys.

How do you maintain the bond between yourself and your grandchildren between visits? Well, since they live so close and they are so young, it isn’t hard.  But, sometimes I talk to them on the phone.  I also talk to my daughters every day.

What do you most want to pass along to your grandchildren? The love of Jesus Christ and unconditional love from me.

What is one word you hope your grandkids think of when they think of you? Acceptance

Find out more about Susan on her blog, Permanent Posies.