When Bubby was born, certain aspects of our family life were a given. One given was that my husband and I had decent jobs, making a decent salary, and we were able to fly to visit our grandson as often as our accrued vacation hours allowed. But then the winds of change rolled in. Six months after Bubby was born, my job was outsourced and I've yet to find employment. And my husband's job is set for outsourcing next month, with no new job on the horizon. Needless to say, money is tight.
But it's just money.* The more important changes in the past year have involved life and death. Lower on the scale of importance - but still heart-wrenching - was the death of our 12-year-old family dog, Moses. When Bubby was born, I envisioned Moses, a black lab/collie mix, being a major attraction for Bubby when visiting our home, with the two of them enjoying endless games of fetch. It wasn't to be, though, as Moses had an appointment in heaven and won't be around to befriend Bubby.
High on the scale of importance, though, is the loss of my mother-in-law, aka Granny, who, although still living, is "just not there" mentally or physically, thanks to several strokes. When Bubby was born, Granny was thrilled about her newest great-grandson. When she first met him, she kind of freaked out Bubby's mommy by continually stating, "This is MY baby," and refusing to let others hold the baby. Megan knew it was a joke, but she did worry about the way Granny clutched the newborn. It was just love, not lunacy. But Megan no longer needs to worry about that. Granny will never be the Granny we all once knew. She recognizes few family members, is unable to maintain a conversation, cannot walk without assistance, wears a diaper. And she will never cuddle Bubby again.
It breaks my heart that Bubby will never get to know Granny, never get to hear her too-oft-repeated stories about her son (Bubby's grandpa). He'll never get to listen to her sing hymns in a voice reminiscent of a wanna-be opera diva. He'll never be one of the lucky kiddos who knew they had a rapt audience in Granny, no matter how long-winded and rambling the child's story may be.
It sucks. It's sad. It's the worst change we've faced in the past year. And it's one that's not as easily remedied as finding new employment or picking out a new dog.
*It's easy to be blase in a blog, but the reality is that it's scaring the hell out of me!