Long-distance grandparenting: Eight ways it gets easier as grandkids get older
Friday, September 28, 2012 
I've been a long-distance grandma from the moment I became a grandma at all. So I have no idea what it's like to have my grandsons nearby. I know only what it's like to have them living more than 800 miles away, to miss them far more often than not.
I do know, though, that it's getting easier to be a long-distance grandma. Partially because I've just accepted that my daughter, son-in-law, and grandsons won't be moving any closer any time soon, if ever. More so, though, it's because my oldest grandson is getting older, and my youngest grandson is not far behind him.
With no more baby grandchildren right now, I do miss the idea of not having a little baby to hold in my arms. Thing is, with the distance between us, it always was more of exactly that—an idea, for the reality was that I was able to hold my grandbabies in my arms so rarely.
Now that my grandsons are getting older, though, my long-distance grandparenting is getting easier, for several reasons.
Older grandkids ... remember you. With the little ones, the first few minutes of contact, whether on the phone, Skype, or in person, are spent saying, "Hey, baby! It's Gramma! Remember Gramma?!" That's no longer required, thankfully. They remember me.
Older grandkids ... pay attention and actually converse with you. On Skype, via FaceTime (if you're fortunate enough to have it), and in person (when you're really fortunate). At least for a few minutes.
Older grandkids ... get it—and appreciate it, look forward to it—when you send them letters, packages, cards, mail of any sort.
Older grandkids ... can and often do send mail back.
Older grandkids ... can say, "Mom I want to talk to Gramma" when you're on the phone with their mother. And when handed the phone, they talk, not just press buttons and unintentionally hang up on you.
Older grandkids ... will eventually have their own phone to call Gramma unassisted by Mom or Dad.
Older grandkids ... also will eventually—sooner than I think, I'm sure—be able to travel unaccompanied for special solo stays at Gramma's. (If, that is, Gramma and Mommy are brave enough to allow such unaccompanied travel.)
Older grandkids ... hug you back. Reciprocal hugs last far longer in one's memory than one-sided hugs. In Gramma's memory and in theirs.
I remember cradling my grandsons in my arms when they were babies, rocking them and snuggling their delicious little heads into my neck as I held their blanket-bundled bodies close to my heart. I delighted in that when I had the honor of being with them, missed it beyond compare when without them.
Those moments of physically holding my baby grandsons close to my heart were too few and too far between. Now that they're older, the physical moments together are still too few and too far between, yet the non-physical methods of holding my big-boy grandsons close to my heart—and me to theirs—are, thankfully, increasing.
Which makes this long-distance grandparenting gig a wee bit easier to bear. It may not be my preferred grandparenting scenario, to be sure, but it works. For me. For us. For now.
Photos of the boys in their plaid shirts are by Alison Baum.
Today's question:
What delights you about the kids you love getting older?
Reader Comments (14)
As they get older it's so much easier to communicate from a distance. We can actually carry on a phone conversation as she becomes more articulate. I am delighted that she sometimes asks her mom to call Grams so she can talk to me.
Obviously, your daughter is way better at sharing the pictures than mine. The fact that they remember is a big one.
I'm now delighted by requests from my older Granddaughter to join her on special days. Yes, I'll be there! Maybe we should check with Mommy/Daddy? LOL.
As they both get older I also appreciate the fact they'll (mostly) sleep through the night. Honestly, I'm not that great at 2 am stuff...
These pictures are adorable! The boys just get cuter and cuter! : )
What I like about Brent geting older is not so much fear of him falling down the steps and things like that....also that he will spontaneously express love out of the blue on his own...I'll get a " i LOVE you" sometimes that just melts my heart
I have the far away grandkids, and am a far away aunt. My daughter and I spend a month every summer with my mom, visiting cousins. If we didn't, she would not know my family. It is hard to pack a year's worth of visits into a few weeks, and to always be special occasion, but we make it work.
It's nice when you can text back and forth with them. Even a quick I love you. I treasure each stage. You grandkids are so cute Lisa, the sweetest little faces :)
Love the pictures! As my grandson Tono get older, I enjoy the conversations we have more and more. He is so brilliant he takes my breath away. And he's kind. His respect and love for me comes through in his voice, even over the phone. i am blessed.
Now that my grandchildren are most all grown (finished with high school and college, some even married and with children of their own), I'm still amazed at what good jobs my children have done in raising them; they are all handsome (beautiful, for the girls) brilliant, and just plain excellent as young, hard-working, and kind people.
The world is a better place with my children, grand-children, and great-grandchildren in it.
Oh Lisa, it's hard to see them grow up so fast! I remember when we put the baby swing away and my husband said we may not be using it again. Oh! That was a stab to my heart, to think we had them all so fast and not to have that little baby to hold again made me sad.
However, as they grow I look forward to conversations, and craft projects that actually become something nice, not changing poopy diapers, and getting rid of the car seats in my car so an adult other than the driver can fit in there. It seems each age has its good and bad, but I'm trying as hard as I can to hold on to it all.
I have two and those are the only two I'll have so as they grow older it is bittersweet. It is fun, though, when my granddaughter and I go off to a painting, gardening, or music class together. And, I love spending time with my grandson while he tries to show me the ins and outs of his favorite video game, Skylanders. Let's face it - being a grandma is the best job there is regardless of how old they are. We're just all lucky ladies.
Such beautiful comments, grandmas! The love shines through each and every one of your words. Judy certainly hit it on the head: Despite the bittersweet part for all of us as our sweet babies grow up, "We're just all lucky ladies."
the thing I like most is watching them become people. My fourteen year old grandson is just so funny! It's a hoot the way he gets in on the grownups talk and "burns" them. He's also a big help with the younger kids. Each one is so unique and every year is a "get to know you year".
Our two children are my mother's only grandchildren and we have always lived 1500 miles apart in NY and TX. Our kids are now 22 and 16. This summer, my son had an internship in TX (where Granny lives) and lived with her for a month while he worked downtown every day. They loved it because they are very close. She has put so much love and energy into caring for both grandchildren....long distance love has been our reality. You are clearly doing exactly that so who knows, you, too, may have a grown up grandson someday living with you while he works in your town. The boys are adorable!
Being a close-by Grandma all of those same things still apply. I loved baby Amara but I really enjoy little girl Amara even more! AND with a girl -- there is nothing more fun then going clothes shopping and having her find something and bring it to you an d say -- "You would look good in this one Grandma!"