Grandma-shaped impressions
Tuesday, September 11, 2012 As grandmothers, we influence and inspire our grandchildren in myriad ways, leaving grandma-shaped impressions on our grandchildren that may last a lifetime. Sometimes our influence is intentional. More often, though, it's not.
My maternal grandmother inspired me to communicate through the written word, though I doubt she consciously planned the impact she had on me. Especially as her greatest influence came once I was an adult, not when I was a child. During the first decade or so of my adulthood, my grandma and I regularly exchanged letters. I was honored she took the time despite her failing eyesight to share the this and that of her days and express concern about mine. Her handwriting—so tiny, tight, and perfectly aligned, thanks to placing a sheet of paper beneath each line then going back to add the tails to any Y, P, J, or G requiring such—illustrated the power of words to connect, affirm relationships, express love across miles. To this day, I'm far better at expressing myself in writing than in person. I attribute a fair amount of that to those letters from Gramma.
My paternal grandmother also unintentionally influenced my character. The grandma-shaped spot she left, though, was imprinted on me as a child. I loved my grandma on my dad's side, yet she and I weren't close by any means. She had oodles of children who had oodles of children of their own, and I'm pretty sure that to her I was just another one of the many kids who showed up at her place on weekends and holidays. I always remember that grandma as being sick or out of sorts much of the time. Not frail and bedridden, just impaired to some degree—and being quite vocal about the real or imagined injustice of her infirmity. From having often seen my grandma in such a disgruntled state, I learned to be quite strong—and usually silent—in the face of most illnesses or ailments. That's a good thing, I think, and I attribute it to wanting to do the very opposite of what I saw in my grandma.
MY GIRLS WITH GRANNY (LEFT) AND GRANDMA CARPENTER.
When I consider the ways my daughters were influenced by their grandmothers—my mom, my mother-in-law, my step-mother-in-law—I imagine the ways those women affected my girls, when they were little and now that they're grown. I've not asked my daughters about it, but I can see smidgens of the grandma shapes on them, attributable to each of their grandmothers.
The girls have seen their step-grandma, Jim's step mom, only a handful of times. Each time, though, involved doing a craft project, resulting in, at least partially, the girls' artistic streaks and 
BRIANNA AND ANDREA WITH GRANDMA (MY MOM).enjoyment of crafts. I see impressions of my own mom—a lover of animals, dancing, and offering far more food than necessary—on each of my daughters in their attention to animals, enjoyment of goofy dancing, and desire to gift food upon those they love. And I attribute much of my daughters' commitment to their faith to my mother-in-law, who was the most joyfully faithful example in all of our lives.
My grandmas and the grandmas of my daughters likely didn't consider how their daily actions and interactions would influence, possibly even inspire, the children birthed by their own children. Kids they weren't around every day, yet whom they affected in unexpected and unintentional ways. Ways that even as adults, continue to affect us, move us, guide us.
Which leads me, naturally, to consider how I might be affecting my grandsons in unexpected, unintentional ways. What grandma-shaped impressions am I leaving on them?
Like my own maternal grandma, I live far away from my grandchildren. Yet influence and inspiration knows no boundaries, and I have no doubt I impact them through even the limited interactions we have. The idea warms my heart. It also, though, gives pause to my heart as I think of which negative traits of mine might be ever so obvious, unattractive, undesireable to my grandsons. Now or eventually.
I hope that with any and all unseemly attributes of mine, my grandsons do as I did with my paternal grandma—the very opposite, improving themselves by seeing in me and my failings exactly what not to do.
As I continually strive to intentionally make a positive difference in the lives of my grandsons, I think it's also worth considering all the unintentional ways I might be making a difference in their lives. I hope that when they're adults, they can pinpoint specific acts and traits of mine that made an impression on them, shaped the characters they'd become.
And I hope they look fondly upon those impressions, for better or for worse. That they consider the grandma shape imprinted upon them as having inspired them to be stronger, more productive, more compassionate, more faithful, more loving—of others, of themselves, of life.
Regardless of whether such inspiration was intentional on my part or not.
Today's question:
What unintentional impression did your grandmothers leave on you?
Reader Comments (12)
Despite tons of Grandkids, my immigrant maternal Grandmother impressed upon me pride in our country, unconditional love, faith in God, and strength during times of adversity. She also taught me how to play a mean game of cards;) Actually, so many positive impressions I could write a book about the lessons I was blessed to learn by her side.
My paternal Grandmother was emotionally distant. I was an adult before I realized this may have been as a result of losing her 2 year old daughter. When she passed I was lucky enough to receive her Bible...with her thoughts, poems, and dreams posted throughout the pages. There is one poem that I often now recite to myself when facing heartache. Thank you Grandma, and thank you for teaching me not to judge others until you walk in their shoes.
My Granny (maternal grandmother) was my best friend all her life until I met and married my Jerry. I lost them both far too early.
Granny was so strong in her faith and taught me, unintentionally, that there is good in everything; she could joke about the worst situations imaginable and, perhaps, before it was a popular saying, taught me, "Life is Good".
I miss Granny like I miss Jerry, but, the "grandma shaped impressions" are a part of me.
I never knew my paternal grandmother; she'd passed away before I was born.
My maternal grandmother was gone long before I ever came along but I was certainly influenced by my paternal grandmother. She was an amazing cook and seamstress and I have always felt I got those traits from her. My Daddy used to tell me that I looked like my grandmother when she was young and that always made me want to be even more like her. She lived a very healthy life until she was 95 -- I would like to beat her at that one -- my goal is 96!
I am the oldest grandchild for my maternal grandma and second oldest for my paternal grandma and I have great memories of both of them. They are gone now but they live on in my heart and mind. One of the biggest things I remember is that they dropped whatever they were doing to do things with and for their grandchildren. They had endless energy! I want to always be there for my grandchildren.
Wow, very nicely said. This really gives me something to think about in my relationship with my grandson. Thanks!
My maternal grandmother had five children. She lost her two youngest sons in WWII, lost her next son to a heart attack when he was in his mid 30's, and her grandson, my only cousin, at 31. I spent all of my school vacations and entire summers with her and my grandfather on their small dairy farm and never once heard a negative comment or witnessed any pity parties. She was still a wife, a mother to two, and a grandmother to one. She was a tremendous cook and baker, very crafty, and a wonderful gardener. My grandmother has been gone many years, but there truly isn't a day that I don't think of her with fond memories. Thank you for letting me remember such a good woman.
Your the best writer I know. Don't ever give up!
What a beautiful post! DId not see my paternal grandmother very much...the maternal one lived next door. Always unconditional love, alot of cookies, and just a place to hang out. She had alot of flowers....I imagine that always growing flowers came from her and my mom.
All of us reading these pages can see what an amazing impact you will have on your grandchildren. I imagine they will see your love of the written word, your adventurous spirit and your dedication to family. I think anyone who reflects as deeply on their parenting/grandparenting as you have will leave a lasting and positive impression.
Such thoughtful comments. Thank you, everyone. Many wonderful grandparents to celebrate, past and present.
Jim and Grown and Flown: You guys are too kind. Thank you!
I loved this post--and that phrase "Grandma Impressions". That's really what they are aren't they? We are really to young to remember anything more than moments in our hearts.
Great Grandmother--industrious, she quilted into her 90's
Grandmother I--adventure, fortitude, patience and virtue. She was a widow for over 30 years. She traveled the country working at resorts earning her keep. I never heard her complain or talk ill of anyone when I was with her. She always made me feel important.
Grandmother B.--Kindness, softness, flowers, food--I still cry when I think of her gone. She was the persona of gentleness.
What a lovely tribute to your grandmothers and what wise counsel to consider the impact we present day ones will leave on our own. My paternal grandmother was emotionally distant so I never really related to or communicated with her. My maternal one, though....my, my! She taught me to love domesticity and be competent at it. To garden, to quilt, to cook, to pray and to love people and animals and to enjoy life with a great sense of humor.....yes, that was grandma Amelia! Thank you for reminding me of all the goodness she brought to my life. I strive for the same legacy to leave to my own little loves!