Grandma angst
TEEN Lisa, left, with former BFF NormaAh, the teen years. The insecurity, the drama, the distorted image of yourself and your place in the world. The overwhelming angst of it all.
Thankfully we grow up, we become adults, we leave all that behind.
Until we become grandmothers.
In many ways, being a grandma is much like being a teen. It's rife with insecurity, jealousy, a need for acceptance and assurance from those we adore that we're good enough and that they really do like us as much as we like them.
Angst, once again, in all its ugliness.
Like teens, grandmas spend an inordinate amount of time pining over another. We're thrilled when the phone rings and it's a grandchild. We're distraught if the phone calls are few and far between.
We are always on the lookout for gifts to buy, cards to send, activities and ideas to share. We delight in the sharing, thrilled with the approval expressed by a giggle, smile, hoot, holler and hurray of "Thanks, Grandma!"
GRANDMA Lisa, with Baby Mac and Bubby We take more photos than we'll ever print then plead for more directly from the source. We keep copies on the computer, in scrap books, in brag books, on desktops and walls. And we point them all out to whomever, whenever, we can.
We want to hug and touch and squeeze the little ones with every fiber of our being. And when we're apart, phantom pains plague our days until we can once again hold them in our arms.
We profess our love in myriad ways and anxiously await the love to be returned. When that love isn't demonstrated in return as quickly or as often as we crave, we start to worry another may have taken our place. Another grandmother, in particular. Jealousy eats at our very core, but like a prideful teen, we grin and bear it in the face of our perceived nemesis, then spend hours licking our wounds in private.
We primp, preen and diet with the determination of narcissistic teens in hopes of being physically fit — and remaining so for years to come — to join in the games and activities of our youthful dears.
And we once again walk the thin line with Mom, balancing between wanting to say exactly what's on our mind but knowing she can keep us from hanging out with our heart's desire if what's on our mind upsets her, questions her authority, her ability. Only this time the mom with whom we verbally tangle and tussle isn't our birth mother, but the mother we birthed — our daughter. Or our daughter-in-law, wife of the father we birthed — our son. Crossing the line with either may result in being put on restriction, disallowed from seeing our grandchildren.
So we occasionally bite our tongues, bide our time. Which is okay, because through years of yearning and learning, we now know we won't die if we don't have our say, if we don't get our way.
And that right there is the difference.
As teens, we were extreme, always and overly dramatic. We wanted to be the one and only who made another's world go round. And every single moment felt to be one of do or die.
As grandmas, though, we've learned to temper the angst.
We accept that we won't always get what we want, that moments of insecurity will pass, that expressions of love from a child may wax and wane but that the love itself always remains, will always be there. Regardless of the frequency of phone calls made or received, the number of cards mailed, the piles of photos taken and shared.
Regardless of the amount of time spent together.
And, most fortunately, regardless of the amount of time spent apart.
Today's question:
What has been your most recent teen-like act or behavior, positive or not?
Friday, July 22, 2011
Reader Comments (14)
Nice analogy. Don't we all just live such complicated lives.
Fine, fine, fine...ok, I'll admit it!
When my Grandson was born last Friday, I nearly tacked everyone else in the room to be the first to hold him...right after Mommy and Daddy and before Papa and Aunt Lolo. I was so excited to finally meet him!!!
Admittedly selfish teen behavior, but I've never claimed to be mature... just a work in progress..
oops...I meant tackled...lol.
Nonnie Kelly: thought it might be along the lines of "decked" and was a wee bit worried about you ... and the poor souls you were decking! (Tho, I guess decking is no worse than tackling!)
Lisa, you have always been beautiful, with your classic Grace Kelly-esque features, but now even more so because you show your strength of accomplishment in your eyes.
I'm too old and tired to do "teenage" things; besides, I've learned that it all works out. John Lunn is a "son" I've never met and I just love him; Nonnie Kelly is a younger version of me and I love her, too. So much pleasure reading comments from ALL your readers.
That would be the temptation to go tee-pee-ing (at my sister's 56 year old boyfriend's house) while I was on a family girls weekend at our mountain cabin. It really wasn't my maturity that influenced my choice not do it but rather my frugality over the cost of toilet paper these days. That much toilet paper would stock the cabin for the entire summer!
Funny you should mention teenage stuff. I'm in the training class for my new job and I swear.....it's like being in junior high all over again. I can't wait to get outta training! :-)
What a great photo of you as a teen! As for me, I still get a little flouncy when I get into an argument. I don't necessarily go as far as "I'm taking my stuff and going home then," but it's in the same ballpark.
I love your pic...so adorable.
I squealed with delight when the previews of the newest and last Harry Potter movie came out and knowing that I will soon be seeing it! Not sure if that was a pre-teen or teen response.
I have a friend from elementary school that I stay in touch with. We also went to jr. high together but then went onto different high schools. We get together a couple of times a year and end up talking about our growing up years. We loved to pretend we were the Lennon Sisters and later on The Supremes. I lived in a house that had a great porch we used for a stage. We would invite the younger kids in the neighborhood to come and watch. I sure it was pretty stupid.
Lisa, I like your teen picture. You look the same in so many ways.
It seems I am often reminding myself I am not the teenager anymore and need to be the adult. I can usually manage through the process until there is chocolate. I love, love chocolate just like when I was a kid.
I have never grown up when it comes to sweets.
what a great way to look at this... Your posts always make me laugh, smile, and think! Thank you for sharing your wisdom. Your grandchildren are so lucky!!!! :)
I awarded you with the Blog On Fire Award! You can check it out here: http://pendantsbysteph.blogspot.com/2011/07/on-fire.html
LOL.
I promise that all family members survived my sudden plunge into teen insanity...they all just got the heck out of this Nonnie's way:)
Beautifully said... Family vacations, I've found most recently, are great opportunities to practice the art of tongue-biting.