Mismatch mishmash
What we both were curious about wasn't other fish that might be swimming in the online sea of possibility, but of the possibility that, after all these years together, he and I might be matched with one another. If it's possible that others, including computerized compatibility metrics, would consider us a perfect match.
So I asked Brianna, who had dabbled in the sites a while back, how such sites work, if it would be possible for her parents to sign up under assumed names that only he and I would know and see if we were matched. She laughed and said we could give it a shot, but it's not likely we'd be matched considering how different we are in so many ways, on so many things.
And she's right about the differences. We disagree on many things, sometimes vocally, sometimes stupidly. Yes, we have our differences. For example:
Politics — he votes (for the most part) along party lines; I vote with whomever shows the most common sense, regardless of party. Plus, he likes to talk politics; I don't ... mostly because we can't agree, can't even agree to disagree.
Food — he goes for sweets; I go for salty. he likes Miracle Whip; I like real mayo.
Time — his philosophy: we'll get there when we get there; my philosophy: punctuality is a virtue.
Chit-chat — he likes to exchange small talk with cashiers, doctors, servers; I figure they don't genuinely give a hoot so just shut up finish business as quickly as possible.
Sleep — he likes to sleep late; I like to get up and get going.
Animals — he prefers dogs; I prefer cats.
Closet space — he lines up his shoes and hangs all his clothing facing right; I throw my shoes in a pile and all my clothing faces left.
Drawer space — he folds his socks and undies; I say, "you gotta be kidding" (but he's not).
Driving — he likes to pay no attention to what he should take in everything around him while driving; I like to focus on the road. <ahem>
Chores — he likes to relax first, do chores later; I like to get my chores done then relax.
Quiet — he prefers background (or foreground!) music 24/7; I prefer quiet now and then.
Vacation time — he takes it only if forced (by me); I'll take it any time I can get it.
Vacations — he likes to relax, always; I like to see and do all we can in locations we'll likely never visit again.
Money — let's just say we each handle it our own way and leave it at that.
That's just a small sampling of the differences that loom large in our relationship. So large that Brianna was quite concerned about our proposed online dating experiment.
"If you don't get matched up, are you going to get a divorce?" she asked. In all seriousness. Surprisingly serious considering it came from a nearly 30-year-old adult, not a youngster needlessly worrying Mommy and Daddy might not live together anymore.
"Of course not," I assured her, explaining that on the big things, we agree.
"Like what?" she asked, with disbelief I could offer any.
So I listed them. A list far shorter than the ones on which we disagree. But here it is: We agree wholeheartedly on issues related to faith, home, and family. A tiny list, but a list of the things that matter. The only things that matter, ultimately.
In explaining that to Brianna and later considering our conversation, I realized there was no need to experiment with online dating sites to see if Jim and I might be matched. It doesn't matter. Whether others — or computers — consider us a good match is irrelevant. Because we know we are. And that we will continue to be. Always. Forever. Because although we don't agree on much, there's no question that we agree on what matters: faith, home, and family.
Oh, and we agree on one more ever-so-important matter: movies. And a shared distaste for those featuring Jim Carrey. Or the word "Saw" in the title.
So there we have it. Match made. Curiosity quelled.
Bottom line: There's no need to consult dating sites, no need to look elsewhere. Regardless of stats and compatibility, Jim and I will continue to look only at the road we've chosen. Together. Forever.
Case closed.
(Although I just gotta add that I will be doing most of the driving down that particular road, of course, because his eyes tend to wander when at the wheel. Just saying. Okay, okay ... we won't go there ... at least not this time ... not this post.)
Today's question:
How are (or were) you most alike and most different from your partner?
Friday, April 22, 2011
Reader Comments (15)
Why tempt fate. lol Together forever is right and the most important things were what you listed. :)
I liked your lists Lisa and I would have guessed those about you, but didn't know Jim likes to talk politics. That's delicate subject.
My partner and I differ in every way possible and always have. We agree on movies and restaurants and that's about it.
LOVE this post AND that picture. Awesome!
Glad you decided that you matched up in the old fashioned way. :)
Now I'm wondering if the computers would match Mitch and me up. I'm not sure. We actually did this thing in high school that was similar. You filled out a form, they fed it into a computer and told you who (of the opposite sex) in the school you were compatible with. Mitch actually came up in my top 3. And that's before we were dating! But we've both changed since then in lots of little and big ways. Like you, though, we agree on the things that really matter.
My Jerry and I were so much alike that it was weird but matched on the important things like Jim and you do. All struggles are divided when there are two who share them and every good thing is multiplied by two. Miss him so much.
We've had some big ones over the time differences- my husband is in your camp and I'm in Jim's. But we have one car, hence the "discussions". You'd flip over my undies drawer with bras and panties all matched up and folded so I can see everything at a glance and pick out what goes best with my outfit. On big things- we're simpatico! But 37 years later, he's my best friend and our love has grown despite the differences. Good thing!
I'm sorry this is so trite, but the first thing that came to my mind was "If it's not broke, don't fix it".
Whatever the differences, it sounds like you have the basis for together forever.
You guys are so cute in that picture....and I love your list.
My husband and I will celebrate our 32nd anniversary in June and we still disagree on some things. He has to have the tv on when we are at home....I like quiet or music in the background. I'm anal, he's a free spirit. I love to take walks....the only exercise he will do has to involve a ball. We do love sports(playing and watching), books, listening to live music and like you and Jim...we agree on family and home.
When I saw the beginning of your blog I had to laugh because Brad and I have often wondered the same thing about online dating. Would they indeed find us compatible. Monday, April 25th will be 19 years we've been married and after all that time and 5 kids later, we've come to the same conclusion you did, that it doesn't matter what some computer system says, that we were meant to be together. We have no doubt that God brought us together. It was only by his design that we even met since we didn't grow up together or go to the same school or college. You just know you are with the right person when you can have fun and still laugh at the silliest of things and ride or sit in silence with each other and it not be uncomfortable. When you instinctively know what the other is thinking or finish their sentence for them. The common interest are great, the differences keep us interesting and help keep our individuality, and of course make for great debates. I love knowing that without a shadow of a doubt that Brad is my soulmate and where I end he begins. We have found that as long as you keep God in the middle of your marriage, it can last a lifetime.
Thanks for your post. I will definitely have to share it with Brad.
Alike: We're both shy around others but have the same stupid sense of humor around each other. We can always make each other laugh.
Different: We have similar issues to you and Jim when it comes to time. I hate being late and making people wait for me, and he's always late.
There are enough differences here to write a very long novel. But I'm happy to have the ones i know rather than those I have to look for.
Let's just say my husband and I would never be matched up on a dating site! We are very similar to you and Jim, although we do agree on politics, haha! Our core values match perfectly, especially in regard to home and family and that truly is the most important "stuff"!
Differences are the spice of life. My wife and I use our differences as a place to communicate. So we can tell each stories about the world we see and don't just end up like blogs on the sofa reciting worn out tales and watching TV.
Don't tempt fate by looking for your 'perfect' match -- you just might find him! It's like going out bar hopping to see if you're still attractive and discovering that not only you are, but you like the attention. It can lead to trouble.
The 1983 photo is great. SEEMS like a lifetime ago? Sorry, young lady, but it IS a lifetime ago.
Great post! Luckily, my husband and I agree about politics, which is of major importance to both of us. We also share a similar world-view. We're both frugal, and we both love the outdoors. On most other things, we differ. I'm family-first. He is friends-and-family-first. He'll watch anything on TV. I won't watch anything on TV. He's a math person. I'm a language person. But we still interest each other, which is an important characteristic that lots of marriage advisers overlook.
Mac and I have mellowed over the years and although we are different, we are alike. On May 2nd we will celebrate our 42nd anniversary and neither one of us can imagine life without the other one. One of the keys to a successful marriage is loving and accepting each other unconditionally and, as my daughter April said above, the biggest key is keeping God in the middle of everything you do, for only He knows the future. Keep doing what you're doing, Lisa. It's working.