Of Indian corn, cranberries, tradition
I'm a sucker for establishing and following family traditions. My family of origin didn't have many traditions, but the family Jim and I created has been steeped in them, especially during the holidays. All holidays, from New Years to St. Patrick's Day to Fourth of July and on into Thanksgiving and Christmas. For each, we have traditions unique to our clan, ones we've followed for years.
Well, at least used to.
The empty nest continually challenges my desire to do as we've done in years upon years past. I'm struggling with creating new traditions to replace the old ones, the ones that required participation of the whole family...or at least its majority. I'm not yet used to not having the majority around for the celebrations that mattered—and continue to matter—most. Yesterday's Thanksgiving celebration, although delightful and enjoyable, was the first time I celebrated a holiday with only one of my three daughters. One had to work, the other celebrated with in-laws. I understand and accept such things, such changes; I'm just not yet used to them.
The empty nest isn't the only thing challenging my commitment to traditions set into motion years ago. Basic changes in our society—specifically, the availability of certain goods and services—take a toll as well.
To wit: I once upon a time created a tradition of sprinkling on the Thanksgiving table the multi-colored kernels of Indian corn. Throughout the meal, family and other guests were invited to place kernels representing the blessings for which they were thankful into a ceramic "gratitude" dish placed on the table. I considered it a way to express our thanks without having to say such things aloud and draw uncomfortable attention to oneself or the things for which they're grateful.
It was a tradition we followed for years, but I'm now unable to find Indian corn anywhere. (I wrote here of one embarrassing Thanksgiving when I had saved the kernels from the previous year, upon realizing the corn was confoundedly difficult to find every year.) Last year we spent the holiday at Megan's house sans gratitude dish, but the year prior, I decided to use popcorn kernels in place of the nowhere-to-be-found Indian corn kernels. I quickly realized it just didn't have the same feel, the same "pop" (pardon the pun) as the Indian corn, that tried-and-true symbol of Thanksgiving. I considered the tradition over.
Until this past Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving. I came up with a brilliant idea, a way to continue the tradition, with similarly symbolic tokens to represent our gratitude. Cranberries! Why I didn't think of it before, I don't know. But yesterday my Thanksgiving table was sprinkled with the festive red berries, most everyone a berry or two or ten symbolizing blessings in the dish, and in no time our gratitude cup indeed runneth over. Success!
Time and the toll it's taken on the commercial availability of Indian corn required me to alter one of the my family's most time-honored traditions. It felt a little funny at first, but it worked. Sure, the Indian corn was missed...and fondly recalled. But the cranberries worked just as well, even added a colorful turn the tradition lacked in its initial form. A new tradition was born.
As we head into the Christmas season—the holiday marked by the most treasured of family traditions—I resolve to hold close the lesson of our altered Thanksgiving tradition. It's proof that despite changes and alterations, new traditions can be just as meaningful, just as important as the old.
As Indian corn can be replaced by cranberries, new traditions celebrated by a family minority—possibly even just by Jim and myself—can be just as meaningful, just as important as those once celebrated by our entire family. I'll be mindful of that, keep reminding myself of that.
Out of habit, though, I'll likely keep an eye out for Indian corn in the weeks leading up to Thanksgiving for a long time to come. Similarly, one part of my heart will always be focused on the traditions that once defined our family, as well. At least until I find something as festive and colorful as the cranberries to replace them.
Today's question:
Which of your family traditions have changed—or ceased—through the years?
Friday, November 25, 2011
Reader Comments (13)
That's a brilliant Thanksgiving idea...whether Indian corn or cranberries!
A few of our changed family traditions:
1) We all now gather at my oldest daughter's house early Christmas morning to watch the joy of the Grandkids opening gifts. Not sure what will happen when/if my younger daughter gets married/has kids. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it and I suspect family tradition will change yet again!
2) The entire family used to decorate Christmas ornaments every year to add to our Christmas tree. We'd commemorate 'special' memories of the year/blessings, etc. So much fun to find and look at years later. With everyone now in their own homes and different schedules this tradition has ceased?
3) Christmas Eve pj's. Every Christmas Eve night my daughters were allowed to open 1 gift. The gift was always a new pair of pj's...for cute Christmas pics the next day:) Since we're now all dressed when we meet for Christmas morning now... and it's more difficult to shop for their pj's...this tradition has ceased.
4) For years I'd cook a huge feast for Christmas Eve then we'd 'graze' on leftovers the next day, so I (we) could enjoy Christmas day with minimal kitchen stress...play family games & relax together. It has become new tradition for the family to dine out together for Christmas Eve...then I tote loads of food to daughter's house the next morning. Still enjoy Christmas Day! See #1:)
Being an attendee at big family gatherings, rather than the hostess, has become, over the years, a new opportunity for me to appreciate the skills a daughter has developed as hostess. Gives me a nice chance to observe and be proud.
Living alone, except for four four-legged fur-people, makes it impossible to observe traditions in any way other than sweet memories. "A time to every purpose under heaven" from the Bible is a fact that means all of us who live to be older will play many different roles through-out our lives. I'm sure "next generations" will improve on traditions and I'm pleased to be able to see it starting.
A friends family sprinkled M&Ms on the table to keep the kids from getting too hungry while waiting and keep them out of mom's hair.
We established Christmas Eve as our celebration. It evovled from a nice dinner and one gift into the whole shebang because of divorced and separated families always fighting over who got kids for Christmas. No one really wanted Christmas eve and since that was always our time, we get it every year.
John: I love the M&M idea. Would be especially cool with the autumn-colored ones. Although, if I were to try it I'm sure M&Maholic Jim would eat every one of them before a single kid could get their hands on any.
When my daughter moved to Trinidad and married, she wanted to start her own traditions, of course. She and her husband invite us for Christmas every year and since we both live in countries that don't celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas together works great. We've tried new things that work in a tropical country and with her children. They love to be involved in choosing and have become enamored of rituals using candles, gratitude lists and poetry, so we do that. We also have a ceremony of wrapping old toys ready for give away to the local homeless shelter and then going there to meet the resident children to give them the presents. Her husband smokes the chicken in the backyard in an hours long process with heavenly results. They grow the veggies for our meal. And there's traditional singing galore by local musicians who go from house to house with their instruments. Very festive!
Everything Ann said above. I couldn't agree or relate to...more.
We celebrate the holidays on an off day. For Thanksgiving we celebrate one day after, this year it is today. On Christmas we always celebrate with the kids on Christmas Eve. Other holidays we usually pick a different day. The logic is that we are the closest and see the kids the most so holidays they spend with others. Most of the time I'm OK with it! Most of the time!
This is the first Thanksgiving in 30 years that I haven't cooked a Thanksgiving turkey as the girls are grown and were visiting friends and family. The Hubby and I made dinner reservations. Empty nesting certainly changes things and we've come full circle now. Christmas traditions remain though! (for now) since the grandkids will be in-state
One of my favorite Hawaiian family traditions for Christmas was my parents fixing Hawaiian food (we live in Colorado so it took all year to gather the Hawaiian food) and having the whole, large family over to their house for a Christmas Eve Hawaiian dinner. They moved to Las Vegas a few years ago so now I am trying to carry on that tradition in my own house. The key word is "trying". The food is not quite as good as mom and dad's but my kids really appreciate me trying and they look forward to it every year.
Reading this painted such a pretty picture in my mind. I closed my eyes and savored it.
We have a whole lot of traditions that are family-specific for most of our festivals and we try our best to stick with as many as we can, just because it is fun and makes the togetherness that much more special.
Thank you for sharing.
What a great site you have! I'm a fanatical grandma in my early fifties... I'll definitely be back!
I hope you and your family shared a wonderful Thanksgiving, Lisa! My daughter and her fiance was with us for the holiday which made it extra special and we were able to accomplish many wedding plans. Now I'm feeling a little lonely as she drives back to Colorado.
My daughter's birthday is in late November so we always celebrated it on Thanksgiving day! She said it made her feel extra special ;)
I was in charge of an activity for Duncan's fall feast this year, I tried to find indian corn as well - for necklace making due to the Native American book the kids are reading. I never found any either!
I tried to lead them in a traditional Native American musical game instead. We got in trouble from the class next door for drumming too loud, and the kids got in a big argument. Geez, wish I had thought of stringing cranberries!