Wish lists: To give or to receive?
I just finished my holiday wish list. It's a long one, with all kinds of goodies I'd be happy to see under my tree or in my stocking come Christmas morning. I've added, edited, re-added, then checked it twice and hit "send," forwarding it on to my husband and my daughters.
Makes me sound like a greedy ol' grandma, doesn't it? Like my long wish list serves as a not-so-subtle way of goading my family into spending oodles of cash on me.
It's quite the opposite, though. My lengthy list was provided and passed along out of love—a provision my daughters and husband understood and, thankfully, reciprocated, sending their very own lists of wants and wishes to me.
Our tradition of exchanging lengthy wish lists started years, possibly even decades ago. When my daughters were youngsters, they naturally made up lists of all they desired from Santa. Creating the list was oh-so important. To them. Then, as visions of Jolly Ol' St. Nick stopping by were replaced with the reality that Mom was the primary purchaser of gifts exchanged come Christmas, wish lists became more important than ever. To me.
My family is of modest means. It's safe to say that in some years, we were pretty far below the line marking those means even modest. Which meant every penny spent was precious, and I sure didn't want to waste a single one on gifts my loved ones didn't genuinely desire. As mother to three daughters, true wants and wishes were often hard to figure out, especially when the girls were pre-teens and teens. Hence the wish lists. I didn't want to guess and have either of us—or my bank account—come up short.
So I started the annual rite of sometime before Black Friday asking my daughters—and husband—to create wish lists, to write down more than they could ever hope to receive for Christmas. With a wish list in hand as I did my holiday shopping, I'd be sure to grant at least a wish or two, regardless of my means. Requesting especially long lists served a purpose, too: it ensured the gifts I gave would be a surprise, to some degree, as the recipients wouldn't know for certain exactly which items I'd purchased from their lists until the gifts were opened.
My girls aren't greedy, so it's never been in their nature to make huge requests, lengthy requests of what they're hoping to receive. But they did (and do) as I wished, knowing providing the lists was, in fact, a gift to me, helpful in my desire to please them with my purchases.
Which is exactly the reason I do the same for them. I provide long wish lists in hopes my daughters won't waste their hard-earned money trying to please their mama with the perfect gift. I list for them everything that would be perfect, not only for me, but for their pocketbooks. I give them inexpensive ideas and they're welcome to choose whatever works for them. And whatever works for them will surely be wonderful to me. My list guarantees that.
That doesn't mean we shun and discourage gifts not featured on a list. Receiving something not on a list can be a pleasure of indescribable sorts, a sign a loved one has taken note of another's likes and desires and needs without having to be told. I welcome that. We all welcome that. But we all also are happy to provide the safety net of a wish list, just in case.
Gift-giving can be awkward, for both the giver and the receiver. It can be even more awkward—for both sides—when the one giving isn't confident about what she's given. Which is why I consider providing a wish list a gift in itself, one I'm ever so happy to give. Even more so, they're a gift I'm forever grateful to receive.
Photo: fotolia
Today's question:
What is the wish-list protocol in your family?
Monday, November 21, 2011
Reader Comments (10)
I like your long wish list tradition. My family won't give me their wish lists, if they even make any up. I think they're worried I would spend money I don't have, and they're probably right. We do have some cool family traditions that have stood the test of time, though, and I treasure those. One tradition is the sneaky filling of the stockings. I also love doing decorations together.
I think I'll go make my long list now. I won't send it anywhere, but it sounds like fun to make!! Have a wonderful week, my friend. HUGS
I neither make and give long lists of wishes and don't ask for them from my huge family; for so many years now, I can't afford to give much and just have to hope the little things I can give will bring a smile to those I love.
It's a nice feeling to know that, sometime in the past, I was able to give gifts that made me happy to give and, hopefully, made those to whom I gave them happy, too.
We do wish lists, too! Not quite as well as you do yours but they get better every year. This year 3 of the lists even came with links -- as did mine! The other thing we do is set a gift price limit. The kids can afford to spend more than we can so setting a limit makes it easier to not feel bad when you can't reciprocate with expensive gifts. I wish I was rich! I love buying presents!
I wish it were that easy in my family. My kids either won't tell me what they want or they pick one thing that is really expensive and I can't afford.
Of course, I'm no better. I can't think of anything I want this year. The few things I do want would be way to expensive for anyone to get for me. Sigh.
It is so helpful to have a list of things people would really like as a gift with so much shopping to do for the holidays. It has certainly made my Christmas shopping much more enjoyable. We even go in together to buy something that may be out of one persons price range. The girls and I get together to make homemade goodies to give out to extended family members.
What a great idea you have for your Christmas lists! Each year our lists are written differently based on family members' income. This year like Grandma KC we've talked about a gift price limit.
I love to get a list from my daughter for my Grandkids. I want to make sure and get a toy(s) that they really want/will use.
The past 2 years, my oldest daughter insisted that our $ for her Christmas gifts go for buying toys for needy children instead. Pretty proud of her. So that's what I did. Then I wrapped each receipt in a box and gave it to her so she knew what we bought for each child. Of course, I did get her just a little teensy, token gift, too.
This strikes me as such a good idea. Gift giving can actually be awkward and a waste of money otherwise. In our family, my daughter gives a few ideas for the grands but they tell me directly what they would treasure which is at times different from their Mom. I call her in that case and check it out. I love Christmas!
I must say you're one great looking grandma, and the group is pretty cute.
I'm Frances from New York, who is working on granting some wishes herself.
Hope you get everything on your list!
By the way I found you via the NaBloPoMo blogroll list - who could resist visiting a blog with a name like yours LOL ;)
We do something like your family does. My kids and granddaughter know that we are not able to get everything on their list but my husband and I try to get a few things on it. And it's nice to know what they really wish for especially my 10 yr old granddaughter who is growing up before my eyes and grandma tends to be out of touch with what is "in" this year. I have a few "big item" wishes on my list too that my husband just laughs at.
I completely identify with this tradition. We don't celebrate Christmas (oh, we do get a cake for fun, thanks to everyone in the family studying in a Convent school - the same one through generations :-)) Although, God knows we have more than our share of festivals throughout the year.
When any gift giving/receiving was involved, we did the same thing by making our lists and telling each other, simply because we could not afford to spend money on things that were not useful. Reality had us in a strong grip even if we lived in our fantasies, in our heads. Today, we are much better off financially, but stick to this old tradition because being thrifty is a habit. Making the list now is even more fulfilling, especially when we can spare enough money to feed the kids at the local orphanage for every occasion we celebrate. My son will be 14 tomorrow and he has been making his list for a month now. I am glad to see "Seva Sadan - Lunch or Dinner" in it. Seva Sadan is a girls orphanage nearby with about a hundred kids.
When I read this post, I couldn't help thinking how much my Mom would have loved it. I am so happy I came by the other day. Now I have to go wipe my tears.