Intersections
I have a friend who recently found out she's pregnant. Pam, whom many of you may know in real life -- or from her comments and reviews here on Grandma's Briefs -- received the good news a few weeks ago.
It was surprising news for Pam as she'd pretty much settled into life with the assumption she'd never have kids. It had taken her a long time to find a partner she'd deemed worthy of parenting with her, they'd gotten pregnant, they sadly lost the baby. They were told by specialists -- in their infinite wisdom -- that they'd likely never have children.
So Pam moved on to other pursuits, including studying to become a personal trainer (and being within just the exam of certification) and preparing the home she and her significant other share for putting it on the market so they could move to a place more fitting their lifestyle.
Now their lifestyle has been thrown into surprise makeover mode.
Though it means (and meant) incredible ups, downs, heartbreak and hope for Pam and her SO, such stories are fairly common.
What isn't so common, though, and what I -- along with my friend, the mommy-to-be -- find most intriguing about her story is that, get this, Pam will become a full-fledged mother at the very same age that I became a GRANDmother!
Yes, Pam, who is only a few years younger than I, will be struggling with diapers, doctors and disparate parenting philosophies at the very same time that I'm struggling to get quality time with my Bubby and hoping for the arrival of additional grandbabies sometime soon.
I'm not sure if that says more about me, more about Pam, or more about the current generation of parents ... and grandparents ... in general.
I became a grandmother at a relatively young age, but I'm far from the record of Youngest Grandma Ever. My oldest sister was nearly five years younger when she became a grandma, and I've featured a Grilled Grandma who had her first grandbaby at an age much younger than the one at which I first claimed the crown.
Does that mean strangers might mistake me for Bubby's mother when we're out and about together? Possibly. But I sure hope not. Megan deserves all the credit -- and the craziness -- that's part and parcel of being the one whom Bubby calls Mom. I'm proud to proclaim myself Bubby's grandmother, not his mother.
And with Pam firmly in the "older" mother category -- yet decades from Oldest Ever designation -- does that mean she might be considered little Nubbin's grandmother when she and the sweet one are out and about once Nubbin arrives? Possibly, but highly unlikely. Pam is in the best shape ever (did I mention she's nearly a personal trainer?) and looks, dresses and acts far younger than most women her age -- myself indubitably included. And the youthfulness looks fabulous on her. She'll most definitely proudly proclaim her status as Nubbin's mother, not grandmother.
What I think the situation really underscores is that the women of my generation are doing things far younger than in the past (including becoming grandma) as well as far older than in the past (including becoming mama). And every once in a while there's an intersection of the two.
I'm honored to have met Pam at that intersection.
In the several years I've know Pam, we've been similar in so many ways, each with minor deviances from what we share. We like basically the same movies -- with the exception of her penchant for zombie flicks while I prefer documentaries. We read many of the same books -- with the exception of her well-read list of classics compared to my enjoyment of non-fiction fare. We've worked together, been in book clubs together, gotten drunk together, worried about health scares and aging together, written together.
Now we'll blog together. Pam recently embarked on a mommy blogging venture, calling it 40-Something First Timer. I can't think of a more worthy blogging buddy.
Nor can I think of a more worthy buddy with whom to share the 40-something parenting experience, albeit from opposite ends of the spectrum -- Pam as new mother, me as (fairly new) grandmother.
As many of my readers can attest, Pam is in for the ride of her life -- with both the blog and, more importantly, the baby. I wish her the very best of luck with the challenges of both!
Photo courtesy stock.xchng.
Today's question:
Stereotype, schmereotype! What about you goes against the stereotype of someone your age?
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Reader Comments (13)
I'm sooo happy for Pam! There just aren't words.
As for age stereotypes, i still look somewhat younger than I actually am, almost 31. I think people are sometimes surprised that I'm always, always in bed by 10 p.m. even at that young age. But at the same time, I'm always up at 6-6:30, even on weekends.
It seems that people are always surprised at the NUMBER of children I have (seven), grandchildren (twenty) and four great-grands! They were all PLANNED...by God, definitely not by me.
Congratulations, prayers & good luck to Pam, she'll need it all with her new life that's on the way.
Best of luck to Pam with both B's! (-:
I've always loved the start of a great adventure!
Thanks, Lisa. You really make me sound awesome. Stupid hormones. I think I have something in my eye.
PAM: Oh, but you ARE awesome. And Nubbin is going to be even awesomer! :o)
congratulations to Pam and thanks for sharing her story. I became a grandparent for the first time at age 38, I am now expecting my 7th grandchild. I feel like you, eagerly anticipating their arrival! Between you and me I'm glad I had my baby's when I was younger--I'm worn out now :)
KAYE: See, you beat me by FIVE years! Maybe I wasn't such a young grandma after all! :o) (And again, just between us, I'm pretty glad I had my girls at a very young age ... I'm now tired AND impatient!)
Congratulations Pam! I almost envy you, but I am 57 and my grandson makes me tired, so it's just almost. Soooo happy for you, though! Lisa, thanks for this wonderful post!
Terri
I read about this yesterday on Pam's blog and I'm SO happy for her! And I'm even happier that it's her and not me! Ha! From what I know of her, she's going to be a great mom.
I'm not sure I go against any particular stereotypes for my age. But I think people are always surprised that I don't have kids and never wanted them. Or that maybe, now that I'm in my 40s, I'd be regretting my decision. Nope.
Congratulations Pam...you will be a wonderful mother! I have had quite a few people tell my that I do not look 55 yrs old. I'm not sure what a 55 yr old women should look like but I take it as a compliment!
Congratulations to Pam. I have noticed a lot of women becoming first time mothers at older ages. My D.i.l. included! I was young (too young 16, but everything worked out) so I made my mother a gran at age 34, but I did not become one myself until age 49! My hubby is 9 years older, and that may of helped with our marriage staying strong. Plus I was a very mature for my years. I am still waiting to see if our younger son will have children. That is another difference from my older generation, both of my kids moved away to other states. Sad for me, but good for them.
Wishing you a healthy and easy pregnancy!
Isn't that crazy? One of my best friends got pregnant right after we graduated high school. Her daughter turned 16 a couple of months after our daughter was born. In theory, my best friend could become a grandma (though we'd all rather that not happen for a little while anyway!) It's fun to be at different stages in the game. I have a whole new appreciation for my friend's experiences!
There is no way people will mistake Pam's kid for her grandkid. Pam looks younger than me, and she's DEFINITELY in better shape. (She'll most likely still be in better shape at 40 weeks pregnant than I am right now. I wouldn't want to face her in a fight, is all I'm saying.) :)