Love is patient ... which requires practice
Imagine the quintessential grandmother -- her dress, her personality, her mannerisms, her quirks.
Got her in mind?
Did you envision Grandma as plumpish, gray hair pulled back, dressed in comfortable clothing (sweats? jeans and a T-shirt? a house dress?), enjoying her rocking chair and knitting after just pulling the last pan of cookies from the oven?
Or did you you see a chic career woman with the latest hairstyle -- definitely not gray hair! -- picking up Chinese takeout on her way home from work, wrapping up the loose ends of a long week as she prepares for a relaxing weekend getaway?
Both visions are correct, of course. Although I'd say a combination of the two is likely a more accurate picture of what today's grandmothers look like.
Whatever your vision of "Grandma," one trait sure to be included is patience. For the quintessential grandma takes her time with her grandchildren. She doesn't rush them to get dressed. Doesn't roll her eyes at their curiosity with everything on the way out the door -- or out of the room. Doesn't tap her toes and look at the clock as scheduled activities and appointments await while those meant to be there hem and haw and take their sweet time getting. in. the. car.
No, there's none of that "hurry up" harriedness with grandmas. For grandmas are patient.
Those grandmas who live near the grandchildren, that is. Those who see their grandkids on a regular basis.
Not so much with the long-distance grandmas.
At least that's my theory ... a theory formed after spending a week with Bubby.
You see, years ago I was a fairly patient person. I was mother to three young daughters; I had no choice but be patient. You simply can't rush little kids. So rather than tap toes and grit teeth, I learned to be patient.
Then my little girls became teenagers. And I became less patient. I won't even go there, won't go into detail, because we all know what teen girls are like -- we've either had one or we've been one. And we know it does a number on a mother's patience.
Then the girls left home. And I was left being a rather impatient person.
I try. But God knows -- and Jim will certainly attest -- that I lean a bit more toward being an impatient screaming mimi than a relaxed picture of patience. Most days, most of the time.
Except for the time I spend with Bubby. During such times, my patience returns. I don't rush him to do anything. I couldn't rush him to do anything. He's on his own clock and it doesn't tick anywhere near as furiously as mine.
So I adjust mine a bit. And I do so with no qualms, no complaints. Because I love Bubby, want to spend every possible minute with him. And when I'm lucky enough to be given such minutes, there's nothing more pressing on the docket than following his schedule.
During our recent time together, we'd be on the way to get him dressed for the day and Bubby would happen upon a car -- or truck or motorcycle or dinosaur -- that needed zooming around the room. No problem! Zoom away.
We'd be packing for a trip to the park and Bubby would first want to watch for squirrels out the dining room window. No problem! "Here squirrelly squirrel."
When it was time to color, proper set up by Bubby was required first. Meaning he'd lay out each and every crayon, one next to the other, perfectly aligned before even considering opening the coloring book to choose a page. No problem! Lined-up crayons create a beautiful rainbow.
When it was time for the dogs to get a morning treat, Mickey and Lyla would sit nicely, awaiting the treat Bubby planned to award them ... after he turned each dog biscuit around and around in his hands, reciting the ABCs inscribed on the goodies. No problem! Even the dogs understood patience was the order of the day.
And when we had to go up stairs ... or down stairs ... Bubby would take one step with the right foot, then one step with the left foot, onto the same stair. Right foot again ... left foot onto the same stair. Right foot again ... left foot on the same stair. One-by-one we did double time on each stair. No problem! It simply meant I had a little bit longer to hold Bubby's hand in mine as we traversed each staircase.
I was okay with all of it. Every s-l-o-w second of it. My usual hurry-up harriedness didn't apply while with Bubby. Didn't matter while I was with Bubby. And that, I theorize, is the case with all grandmothers when they're with their grandchildren. And when they're with them often, patience becomes part of who they are, a trait they possess without question. Patience becomes permanently instilled in them.
My hope is that one day I will be a permanently patient person.
My hope is that one day I will no longer be a long-distance grandma.
Today's question:
Mine is impatience and being a control freak. What is one of your less admirable traits?
Monday, August 30, 2010
Reader Comments (15)
I'd say impatience, as well, in the form of getting really loud and angry.
Thanks, Pam. Now I can remove the little note about commenting. You've proven it works ... and the commenter who alerted me must have had some other issue that caused the commenting problem that tried her patience. (Sorry MBA!)
According to members of my family....I worry too much, especially about what they consider the "small things".
I'm easily stressed, especially in new situations.
Only one of them??? I'm too Type-A and a red personality. Sigh.
So sweet the way you described this. I could imagine each little moment with Bubby!
Hmmmm...one of my less admirable traits? I'm pretty sure I'm right about most things. And even if I am (ha!), I have to remind myself to give the other person the opportunity to at least voice their opinion and really take what they're saying under consideration. It's so HARD though. Since I'm right and all.
Hi Lisa!
I'm a pretty patient person. I had to develop that trait when I worked as a registered nurse because I did not want my stressful schedule to effect my patients OR my family. I do worry a lot which is one trait I am trying to work on :)
We had a wonderful vacation in California the past two weeks, but I felt a little guilty not taking a detour to visit my grandson in Colorado during it. I, like you, wish I was not a "far away" Nonna!
You don't sound impatient from this post. Must be that Bubby brings out the best in you!
I'm impatient, also, and I've noticed it gets worse as I age. It's something that I'm working on improving.
My grandparenting has gotten kind of mixed up as we have spent several years with some of our grandchildren living in our home. It's not easy to have children under your roof who are not required , or expected, to follow the rules and schedule that you would enforce if they were your own children. My frustrations and impatience have been directed more at their parents (as it should be) but some times after working a full time job, cooking for and cleaning up after too many people, dealing with children who don't want to go to bed when all I want to do is vegetate ... they may have been exposed to some ... ill humor. We are facing the imminent return of 2 of them, at least every other week, until our daughter can get back on her feet and I told hubby that I believe we need to set ground rules and expectations down before the adults ahead of time ... and have a signed copy. Because I'm tired and I feel more like a worn out baby sitter than an affectionate grandma!
As to my less admirable traits? I'm not as patient as I could be and I become frustrated too easily. Both of which are rooted in a decidedly ugly need, or desire, to be in control.
On the other hand ... I know my own limitations and I'm pretty good at giving myself a time out when I need one!
My Irish temper? My Italian temper? Or, more realistically, my Irrational Crazy-Woman temper.
Oy! Just one? Hmmm. . .my sarcasm. It's great in social situation but undeniably harsh when I'm angry. I know how to cut and I do it often. Great huh? I'm so saddened but it doens't stop me!
On a lighter note, I love that children teach us to be more patient! Instead of seeing it as testing our patience, I like to see it as adjusting our patience and I see you do too! Good for you!
If grandmahood is able to transform me into a patient person it will be perceived by all around me as a miracle cure!
Definitely. . . impatience! I say, "God, give me patience," and He gives me situations to try my patience. I guess I'm getting what I ask for! :-)
My sister use to pray for patience...then she said God gave her patience when she had her son...LOL now she is still living that "God given" talent ...she is raising her grandson, and it is remarkable how patient she is now. I on the other hand, was more patient rasing my kids than I am now in my life...with the exception (like you) with my grandbabies...the time is more precious it seems and the patience is just what "we do".
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