Grandma's No. 1
Grandmas are bonkers for their grandkids ... usually. I know there are some grandmas who are of the sort to offer little more than a "meh" when it comes to their grandchildren. I've seen them, met them, talked to them. But I think those are the exception, the women who had the same "meh" response to their own children.
The moms whose kids were -- and likely still are -- a priority, though, those who put raising their children at the tippy top of the list of Important Things To Do in This Life, well, those are the ones who grow up to be grandmas whose hearts glow and gushings flow when it comes to their grandkids. Those are the ones deliriously bonkers for their grandbabies.
I admit I'm pretty much of the bonkers variety. Lately, though, I've worried that all the mushy-gushy love-love stuff I've got going on for Bubby makes my daughters a little jealous, a little worrisome that I love my grandson more than I love them. Deep inside we all still want to be mom's favorite, no matter how old we get, and I have a feeling my girls see my bonkered state for Bubby as proof that he's No. 1 in my eyes, in my heart. Not that they've said anything, would even consider saying anything, for they all love Bubby to bits (especially his mama, Megan, of course). Let's just call it mother's intuition.
Maybe. Maybe it's not mother's intuition at all. It very well could be my own overzealous and usually unfounded guilty conscience kicking in because of all the verbal backflips and whoop-dee-doos I perform when it comes to talking about my grandson. And because I don't want my girls to think they figure any less prominently in my heart since Bubby came along.
The thing is, when it comes to grandkids -- and any grandma knows this, so I'm pretty much talking to the non-grandmas here -- it's such a fresh, new, overwhelming love that it's hard to not gush and glow over it. New mothers feel the very same world-shaking love for their newborn, for their little ones as they grow, for the one, two or eighteen lights of their lives.
The difference, though, is what happens in the years between a baby's birth and that newborn's entry into young adulthood. For those years from newborn to adulthood are filled not only with knee-weakening love and adoration, but struggles and strife and, if we're all honest here, a lot of screaming and crying and heartbreak as the child tugs this way and mom tugs that way, all in the name of growth, independence, maturity and just plain ol' life.
Sadly, those struggles lessen a mom's enthusiasm a tad, diminish the mushing and the gushing. But they never, ever, ever lessen the love and adoration mom has for a child. At least not for this mom; probably not for most moms. Despite -- or maybe because of -- the battles, a mother's love for her child matures as the child matures. It grows into a more quiet love, one no longer eliciting butterflies and balloons and all-out blasting of horns to announce the bliss.
But it once did. With every child. And grandchildren bring all that back -- the butterflies, the bliss and more. Which is why grandmas act so goofy, so obsessed, so gosh-darn twitterpated. Much to their delight, they're getting a second opportunity to relish the fully-enveloping motherly love for a child.
And relish it we do.
Just like we did when our first child was born. And the second. And the third. And more.
Just like we did and do and will with each and every grandchild to come along.
It doesn't mean we love our original little ones any less. It just means we're keeping the enthusiasm in check. For the adult child's sake, of course. Because we understand how much the mushy-gushy PDAs from mom embarrass the oh-so grown-up kids, whether they're 13 or 30.
And we know kisses on the lips and big ol' noogies on the head no longer make children-turned-adults giggle in delight. So we bestow them on our grandkids and eat up the giggles they gurgle out as if they were Godiva chocolates.
But any adult child of mine is more than welcome to a noogie, a liplock, a great big bear hug any time they ask for it. Sometimes even if they don't ask for it.
Because although I don't say it nearly enough, the love, the bliss, the being bonkers for my babies is still there, still burning hot in my head, in my heart.
And cuss the numbers, the ranking systems, the logic; mothers and grandmothers don't believe in such things. What we do believe in, though, illogical as it may seem, is that each and every one of our babies, of our grandbabies, is truly No. 1 in our eyes, truly No. 1 in our hearts.
Today's question:
Other than relationships, in what would you most like to be considered No. 1?
My answer: I'd like to be ranked No. 1 on the bestseller list ... for children's books.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Reader Comments (11)
Well said, Lisa!
I'd be number one in holiday stress, I always go a little bit bonkers around the holidays. I can't shake the quest for the perfect holiday. Thankfully my family tolerates this!
I agree with with everything you said!! I would like to be the No.1 best seller of any item in my Etsy shop!
Great post! I'd like to be ranked number 1 in the seniors ladies golf tour.
Aw. This makes me less jealous now. It's always such a weird emotion, and it's never at all directed at my son, it's more, like, "Man, Mom. Why weren't you this sweet and generous and caring to ME when I was a kid?"
This really brought to mind one of the Conversations With God books, where he talks about the "ideal society" and how it would be that grandparents would live with the family and watch over the grandchildren while the parents went off to "mature themselves with life and be ready for their grandkids" or something to that sort.
I can see why maybe that would be. Grandparents can give an unconditional, completely pure and giving love that I'm not sure most parents have the capability to do.
And you're a shining example of a great grandparent!
Well said Lisa. I often worry about this too. As the mother to four grown children and the grandma to ten I totally agree that they are all #1 to me.
One of the most lasting compliments I have ever received was that I was a true sharing friend. I would like to be number one in my friendships as the friend who gives as much or more back than I take from any of my friendships.
Awwww, sweet pic!
I think I'd like to be ranked Number One on the NY Times Best Seller List once.
Good question!
Hi Lisa,
That was eye-opening for me to learn but it makes total sense. My aunt recently became a grandmother for the second time and I love watching her pure joy for her grandsons.
I was fortunate to be a godmother to my sweet Lauren (who passed away in 2006 at 19) and now a godmother again to my other cousin's child, Peter, who is 4months old. As the Godmother, it's almost like the Grandmother relationship - I get to love on an kiss them and especially with Lauren, share a very special bond with her all her life.
This is one of my favorite posts of yours. Nicely done!
This is such a wonderful post, and so eloquently written. Your daughters and your grandson are so lucky to have you!
What a great post--and so very true. I would like to be #1 in my age group at a race---or #1 on someone's blog reading list. :)
I love my granddaughter with all my heart, but I am not a baby person. They may sound strange for those of you that know that I have 9 kids but, my favorite age is when they can talk. So we will have fun next year, when she is walking and talking.
Such kind and thoughtful comments from EVERYone! You guys are the best! You're all No. 1 commenters in my book!