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    « Green-eyed Grandma | Main | The next Grilled Grandma »
    Thursday
    May202010

    No "talk" here

    Related Posts with ThumbnailsAs many of you know, I occasionally post original content on the Rocky Mountain Moms Blog, which you can find HERE or by clicking on the Rocky Mountain Moms Blog graphic in the sidebar to the right. The Rocky Mountain Moms Blog is part of a larger group called SV Moms Group, the SV standing for Silicon Valley, where the group originated.

    As part of the SV Moms Group, I get to participate in a monthly book club. The book for the May club is "The Body Scoop for Girls: A Straight-Talk Guide to a Healthy, Beautiful You" by ob-gyn Jennifer Ashton. Now, another thing you all may know is that I no longer have daughters in the house to whom I should be imparting sage advice about sex and such. Consider my participation and reading of the book as a half-cussed attempt at the previously mentioned failure analysis. I was curious about what I may have failed to tell my daughters and figured there might still be time to impart some of the important stuff.

    You see, I never had "the talk" with the girls. Not because I was scared to mention what some moms consider unmentionable, but because we talked about sex all the time. I don't mean we talked graphically about sex all the time, but starting when the girls were little, they were encouraged to ask me whatever, whenever. So I -- and I'm sure, they -- cannot recall one specific "birds-and-the-bees" talk. To be honest, I don't even know how the fabled birds-and-bees talk goes! So I just answered their questions as they came. And threw them period parties when that came. Oh, and I bought them "Just For Me" by Donna Ternes Wanner (and took them to Barnes & Noble to get the author's autograph!) to help spark any questions they may not have considered.

    But I figured I could still use a little more evidence I didn't do everything right brushing up on the basics, so I signed up to receive, free from the publisher, "The Body Scoop for Girls." It came, I flipped through it, and I set it aside to peruse more thoroughly just before my book club post was due.

    Well, this is my book club post. Funny thing is that as I sat down at my desk to go through the book -- and decide whether to write about the chapter on periods (and our good ol' family period parties) or the chapter on sex, in which the author warns girls to never, ever tell their boyfriends they're on the pill because it'll keep the guy from wearing a condom -- my e-mail notification dinged.

    As any schmuck who says she works from home freelance writer knows, the siren song of the inbox is impossible to ignore. So I opened my e-mail and found an update on the latest talks on TED.com. One of the talks was plugged as: "Despite her best efforts, Julia Sweeney is forced to tell a little white lie when her 8-year-old begins learning about frog reproduction."

    Hmmm. I like Julia Sweeney; she makes me smile. And it seemed her talk may be relevant to the book I was perusing, preparing to write about. So I clicked.

    And what to my wondering eyes should appear but Ms. Sweeney's description of having "the talk" with her daughter! Take a look:

    THAT is really all a kid needs to know. Possibly even more than a kid needs to know!

    So I put down "The Body Scoop for Girls" and figured I did okay with the girls. They surely know enough, I think, especially since they're now women ... and because I'm, ahem, a grandma. But if they don't think so, if they seek additional insight on how their bodies work, they know just where to go for more info.

    And who to call if they want to borrow my copy of "Straight-Talk Guide to a Healthy, Beautiful You."

    Today's question:

    How did THE TALK go for you, as either the recipient or the provider of the facts of life?

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    Reader Comments (11)

    Great post! I was like you and just always talked to both my kids honestly from the very beginning. My son was more up front about asking questions than my daughter was, but they were both curious little creatures.

    May 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTammy

    I remember the info being trickled to me over the years too. Even though my kids are only 4 and 6, I guess I do the same thing. I answer their questions as they come. My first inclination for a while was to change the subject, but then I realized that when they young they are really open to information and that information will give them power.

    May 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLinsey Krolik

    Ha! That video was great. "Oh, no. That would never happen!"

    My parents, as with most things I now see, were pretty passive about the birds-and-bees talk. I got a book that my mother read to me called "Where did I come from?"

    May 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKate

    Oh my goodness. The "talk" was mortifying. I don't know who was more embarrassed -- my mom or me. I don't remember much but it was awful.

    I love Julia Sweeney, too. What a great little video.

    May 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPam

    True that everyone has to find their own path and we as moms all do the best we can! Remember, however, that The Body Scoop for Girls has 13 chapters and only 3 of them are about sex! The others are really a gynecologist's inside scoop on a teenager's changing body and spirit from head to toe. A good women's health specialist should educate and empower her patients about everything from nutrition to breast and bone health to hormonal issues like acne and irregular periods. I hope teenagers AND their moms will find the book helpful and enjoyable, and then take it to use/morph into their own path to health and wellness.

    May 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDr Jennifer Ashton

    Well said, Dr. Ashton. Those of us who are not doctors (and I'd venture a guess that means MOST of us moms) can use all the insight we can get. Thank you.

    May 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnn

    Holy crap, that was a funny video! I love Julia Sweeney!

    Pretty much everything I learned about sex I got from my friends at school (and one particular friend's father's porn magazines). The closest my mom ever got to having the "talk" with me was when I was about 16 and going with my first boyfriend. She said to me, and I quote, "Amber, if you get pregnant, I am NOT taking care of your child. You will mop floors at McDonald's if you have to, but I am NOT taking care of it." Well, turns out that was pretty good birth control.

    May 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmber

    That was a great post and a great note by Dr. Ashton. I don't remember getting "the talk" from my mother. It was a different generation. I do remember her helping me out when I did get my period - thank goodness. I did have conversations with my daughter...although she did get pregnant before she was married. But then I wouldn't have my precious, wonderful granddaughter....who will get the Body Scoop for Girls from me!

    May 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDebbie E.

    I love Julia Sweeney .. funny video!

    I read a book when I was 12 that was all about "Becoming a Woman" that was my older sister's book. I think I figured out all the rest on my own.

    On my daughter's first day of kindergarten she came home and announced to me that Erica told her how babies were made. "Really?" I asked. "Yes," she said, "Erica told me me mommies and daddies take off their clothes and roll around on the bed." My guess is Erica walked into the bedroom late one night and got an eyeful. So I had to have the beginning of "the talk" with my daughter that day!

    May 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPat

    I guffawed so loud when I watched the Julia Sweeny video that my coworkers looked at me strangely. (Watched it during lunch . . .) Waste treatment plant next to an amusement park. Bad zoning. Soooooooooooo funny!

    I talked to our kids as we went along. My mother was too embarrassed to tell me anything that I vowed I wouldn't be like that. I took every opportunity to talk with our kids about sex. However, our youngest son was exceedingly shy when it came to sex. He would put his hands over his ears and sing 'la, la, la, la' so he couldn't hear what I was saying. When he was a teenager and we still hadn't talked in great depth about sex, I threatened to be there on his wedding night. He still refused to let me talk to him about sex. He now has a five month old son so I guess he must have figured it out . . .

    May 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNina Lewis

    Great post! I'm not quite sure how I would sit my 9-year old daughter down without any preamble and start The Talk -- but I have been open (age-appropriate, I think, but open) about any sex-related questions she has asked.

    May 21, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterbonggamom

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