Dread overhead
Bubby and his mamaMegan called Tuesday night to ask a few questions about Bubby. And his rash. Another in a long line of ailments that have plagued the little guy since around Halloween. Ailments that can be, for the most part, chalked up to the germapalooza Bubby faces with Mom being a teacher and him being enrolled in daycare -- a double whammy of germ-catching probabilities.
First it was -- or so the pediatrician thought -- asthma, which turned out to be just a bad cold. Then Bubby ended up with H1N1. That cleared up a bit ... until the second coming of the flu threw him for a loop. Then the little pink dots of roseola made an appearance (although the doctors apparently call it something a little more fancy nowadays). Then, after months of the yuck, Bubby finally seemed himself again.
Until last night. When little pink dots appeared again all over Bubby's chest.
"I was just settling into thinking things were back to normal," Megan said. "Then I saw the rash and got this feeling in the pit of my stomach. I thought, 'You've got to be kidding me!' Is this what parenting's like, Mom?"
(Bubby's 19 months old and we're just now having this conversation ... ?)
"Uh, yeah, Megan," I told her. "Welcome to parenting. That dread never goes away."
"That's what that sick feeling is? That's dread?"
"Yep, and it never, ever, ever goes away. You'll be living with it for the rest of your life."
She laughed. And so did I ... just so she wouldn't feel stupid when she realized how serious I was. I proceeded to point out to her all the moments of dread I've had just in the past two weeks, all related to one thing or another I've faced as a parent. Dread, dread, dread. And my kids are grown, hurtling faster than I ever imagined they would toward the 30-years-old mark.
She, on the other hand, has a little one, with more surely to come. And as long as you have a child -- which, once you have one, will be the rest of your life, one hopes -- you have dread overhead. It begins with worries about delivering a healthy baby, getting him past the point of SIDS, feeding him correctly, keeping him safe in the world around him. Then he grows, his world expands and a plethora of dreadful possibilities keep Mom awake at night.
Some moms may think -- moms of youngsters, that is -- the age of 18 is some magical year that means Mom will no longer worry, no longer dread. It's not true. At what age might a mom say to herself, "Okay, my kid's old enough now that I don't have to care what happens to him"? Doesn't happen. In fact, I've found the dread increases as one's power and influence (Mom's power and influence) decreases.
So yes, Megan, that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach -- that dread -- will remain with you for the rest of your life.
That's not to say the dread is overwhelming, though. Parenting comes with a host of stronger, happier emotions, too, welcome feelings that also reside in the pit of your stomach, wrap around your heart, stretch from your toes to your hair follicles, and ooze from every pore.
But that dread is always lurking. Maybe it's a fail-safe measure to ensure Mom deeply appreciates and savors the warm fuzzies, knowing the cold pricklies may bear their burrs unannounced at any time.
As soon as I hung up the phone from scaring the bejeezus out of Megan, I realized that THAT -- dread -- is the difference between parenting and grandparenting. It's the lack of dread. Grandmas don't have to worry, to fear ... to dread ... what will become of her grandchildren. That's Mom's job. Grandma's job description demands loving, spoiling, hugging, rocking, adoring the little one. Nary a mention of dread.
Grandmahood, I've learned, is a dread-free zone -- a zone in which I'm oh-so happy to have arrived!
Today's question:
What are you currently dreading?
My answer: I'm dreading going to small claims court because Renewal By Andersen owes me money. But I'm going to; it's my current "feel the fear and do it anyway" moment. (ugh!)
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Reader Comments (10)
So sorry to hear about Bubby. I remember those days well. So tough when they can't tell you what is wrong. And yes, the dread is not paralyzing majority of the time but it is always there.
I am currently dreading shoveling the near 5 feet of snow we have. *sigh*
Great post and oh so true!! The teen dread is almost as bad as the SIDS dread, only way different!
I'm dreading not finding a job and that our rental will go on the market and not sell and we will have 2 mortgages to pay while I have no job... GAH!
Even if you dread going to court, we're all there with you, because no one messes with our Lisa! Sock it to them.
I'm so glad you've not thrown in the towel over that cotton pickin' Anderson; dread and fear are so debilitating but, if one doesn't exercise her rights, she might as well not have any. You go, girl.
Sorry to tell you but, dread doesn't go away when seven kids all turn over forty (or even fewer than seven, I would imagine). A person just realizes they have less ability to do anything about the dreaded events and prays more fervently and constantly.
I still have the dreads as a grandma, but not as strong as the mom dreads!
I'm dreading all the dental work that needs to be done now that the tooth has been pulled.
I love this post!!
SO TRUE!!!
Dread, dread, dread! The perfect word of day for sure.
I never understood it to the degree I do since having a child.
I dread not living long enough to become a grandma... ;(
Great post - I was under so many misconceptions when I was younger . . . but I've mellowed! I think I need a grandbaby . . . all in good time:)
Kristin
Ah yes, the dreaded "dread." Hope Bubby will feel perfect again soon.
Awww! He's cute!!! Poor thing. Germs suck.
I lived away from my mom for the first 3 years of my oldest child's life (2 years for my middle) and I think I called her every day in a panic about what was going on with her. She told me the same thing. That it would never go away.
You know, my husband works full time during the day, and then goes to school full time in the evenings. I dread dinner time. because while the restof the day is routine, I have the responsibility of getting dinner ready, giving baths, brushing teeth, scripture study, prayers, tucking in and singing and reading to 3 children under 4. They're wild and crazy not because they're naughty but because theya re children, and I do this by myself every single night. DH's only day off is sunday, which is spent at church.
I dread having to do it all myself, even though I'm not a single mom. Now, i know that's not fair to DH. He's a wonderful husband and father, and he's tehre when he can be, and someday soon (2 years) this will pay off, and be worth it. BUt right now, it sucks.
Not to mention, it seems like every time we get a little extra money, something falls apart. Last week it was his car, and we had to go buy a new one. So I dread getting the mail every day. we're so behind on bills. ~Sigh~
My children are 28 (soon to be 29) and 23. My granddaughter is 8....the "dreads" never go away! I guess because I am such a worrier. I dread the phone ringing in the middle of the night and the caller ID is one of my kids!