It's just money
Megan was offered a new job a few days ago. Well, not a new job, just some additional hours, work -- and pay -- tacked onto the job she already does.
Megan is a pre-K teacher, working five mornings a week at a private elementary school. The new offering involves taking on an extra class, extending her Monday, Wednesday and Friday workdays to full days in the classroom ... full days with four-year-olds.
Now, I'm definitely not one of those women who swears moms should be home with their kids and cries that there will be irreparable psychological damage to the kiddos if Mommy puts on her big-girl panties each day and keeps a firm foothold on her career path.
Nor am I a flag-waving proponent of working moms and all they do and stand for.
I've been in both positions as a mother: I've worked full-time and I've stayed at home with the kids. There are downsides -- and upsides -- to both. I can't say one is better than the other, and I truly believe most moms do the best they can under whatever circumstances they're facing, and make choices based on those circumstances ... and what is best for their children ... and for themselves.
And those choices are their right, their business, and not fodder for judgement no matter what their choice may be.
That said, I cringed when Megan told me about the job offer.
"Don't do it, Megan!" I wanted to shout and cry and beg. "Unless, of course, you move near me so I can take care of Bubby on a daily basis while you hang out with the four-year-olds!"
But I kept my mouth shut. It's a decision she and Preston have to make ... not me ... no matter how much I still want to control and direct the lives my kids lead. So I just shut up and waited to hear back on what decision they made.
Like all young parents -- heck, all people lately -- Megan and Preston could use the extra money. They're struggling, to a certain degree, like all the rest of us of late, and a few extra thousand dollars could certainly come in handy.
But it's just money.
I think Megan has found the perfect balance with the part-time gig she's got going on. She's making use of her (expensive) college education. She's maintaining a social network independent of the mommy circle. She's bringing in a chunk of change for the family coffers. Plus, Bubby's hours in daycare socialize him to a degree not likely to come from once-a-week playdates.
It's the perfect balance. And I hate the thought of her giving that up.
I've been there, done that, been out of balance in terms of career versus family. Heck, it took me until my daughters were in high school to find my balance! So my heart just sings at the balance Megan found early, a balance that works for her, for Bubby, for the family finances.
What she'd be giving up isn't worth it, I think.
And Megan told me yesterday that she and Preston think the same thing. She turned down the job.
I'm so thankful -- for Bubby and for Megan.
It's just money. And proof that Megan and Preston have learned well and learned early that life isn't just about the money.
I'm proud of you guys! <cue the Mr. Rogers "Proud of You" song.>
On another note ...
Today's question from "The Christmas Conversation Piece":
If you could take a how-to course in anything related to the Christmas season, in what course would you want to enroll?
My answer: I'd like to learn how to feel like all I've done was enough. I never feel like I bought enough gifts, made enough cookies, put up enough holiday decorations. Any therapists out there offering such classes??
Thursday, December 3, 2009 
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Reader Comments (11)
I would take a how-to course on making my mom's peanut brittle. Helping Mom make it is one of my fondest holiday memories. Now that she's gone, so is the peanut brittle. I have her precious recipe -- handed down to her from my dad's mom -- but not the skills or the (seemingly magic) equipment she used. I know it's not really the peanut brittle I miss, but it would be nice to be able to make it and relive some of those moments.
That's sweet, Pam. Maybe a TBD night needs to be dedicated to making peanut brittle using your mom's recipe.
Kudos for you biting your tongue and not saying anything as Megan made her decision. I always say, "Biting my tongue is more important than the gift of tongues." It is so hard to keep quiet when your adult children make decisions . . .
I side with you with the course I would enroll in. I eagerly await all of the therapists suggestions . . .
I would like lessons from someone who could teach me how to make all my children, their mates, and grand- and great-grand-children feel that they had each and every one received enough individual attention that showed them that they are important. It always seems, with our multitude,
that a glimpse across a crowded room was all I really got of most of my much beloved crowd.
Nina: I like the "tongues" quote. I'll have to remember that. And, I find it funny that once again you and I are in the same boat -- rice cookers, potatoes, and now the therapy we need for our feelings of inadequacy!
Ann (aka Mom): I got enough attention, and I think I'm important. Just look at how much power and importance I have ... here on this blog! :o)
Good for her! I was in the same position 10 years ago and have never regretted the decision. Now, for the Christmas question...wrapping gifts. I hate it and am not good at it :0(
Thanks, Tracy. I'm glad to hear that you second Megan's decision. It was a tough one. And I second your gift-wrapping comment -- I could use those lessons myself!
While reading your post I had very mixed feelings, it is hard to do without extra cash, but time spent with your child is priceless. I'm so glad she decided not to take the extra hours. It really will make a difference! My kids are in high school and I still only work part time to be home with them in the afternoons, I'm not ready to give that time up!
I'm with Tracey... I need to learn to wrap gifts, I'm horrible at it and I really dislike doing it!
What a journey! I'm in this same position. I've worked full time after having each of my kids. I now have had the joy of staying home with my newest lil' one for about a year now. I have to look for work as of now. I tried making money online and thought of home business ideas so that I can stay home. Not making money as fast as needed.
So, I have to do what I have to do and get out there in the working world. I hope to keep doing what I can to make a home business grow. I hope to be back home soon. Money isn't everything. Ive always believed that, just getting a little over my head these days lol.
I thank you for sharing her dilema with us. It has helped me justify my own feelings about making it happen to stay home to help the kids.
Oh, and for the question... I would take a Christmas Crafters class.... I neer was crafty and something is telling me to get started.
Good luck with growing the business, Jennifer, and keeping your head above what until the money starts rolling in. Thanks for sharing.
A class on giving thoughtful gifts...gifts that are from the heart that people appreciate and like and use. One of the things I find unfortunate about gift giving these days is the thoughtlessness of it. "What do you want for Christmas?" "Here's my list with size, price and website link."
This year, as money has become tight in many of our family units, we have decided to scale back, not put a price tag on gifts (I must spend $___ on each person) and buy something we think the person would appreciate. We have cheated in a few instances...asking a few people if there is something they would particularly like, but I've found I'm having fun buying gifts for the first time in a while. I DO have to admit I'm AGONIZING more over my choices since they don't come from a pre-approved list, but I'm being a lot more creative and spending a lot less money.
I think it's gonna be a fun Christmas this year...