My fervent plea: Talk to me
Contrary to any impression you may have of me because of this blog, I'm not a talker. Plop me in a room of family, friends or strangers and I'm usually one of the more quiet in the crowd.
My extended family is full of talkers, so I learned from an early age that my role in a successful conversation is that of listener. I just get out of the way and let the natural talkers do the talking. It usually works quite well.
But I'm often confronted with situations where initiating the conversation -- or guiding it -- is up to me. Not being a natural-born conversationalist, I'm always on the lookout for tricks for opening folks up. People generally like to talk about themselves, so I need only tap the keg of conversation, then pump it now and then with leading questions to keep things flowing.
As a writer, I've had to do hundreds and hundreds (maybe even thousands) of interviews. The keys to a successful interview, I've learned: Do not ask any questions that can be answered with a simple "yes" or "no," and keep your mouth shut when the subject takes a while to come up with a response because sometimes the best quotes come when a person is trying to fill that awkward silence.
As a mother, getting the girls to talk hasn't been as easy. And it's more crucial. If I conduct a bad interview, I end up with a crappy article. But if I have bad -- or no -- conversations with my girls, I end up with a crappy relationship. Luckily I've had more time to tweak the conversation-starting technique with them than I have with interviewees.
Out of necessity, I've accumulated a pretty good bag of conversation-starting tricks, if I say so myself.
I recently wrote here about my use of puzzles and blank books to get conversations rolling with my daughters.
Another of my tools is something called Tabletalkers. They're nifty little coaster-size discs with thought-provoking questions such as (from my Thanksgiving version), "If you could change the location where you are spending Thanksgiving this year, where would it be and who would you spend it with?"
(Of course, there are also some subliminal-message Tabletalker questions that I love to throw out there, such as the one that reads "When you host a Thanksgiving dinner, at the end of the day do you prefer to have people help clean up or just go home?")
I have the Christmas version, too.
But my favorite holiday conversation starter is a book called, fittingly, The Christmas Conversation Piece. That's a picture of it, up there at the beginning of this post.
I came across this book after the smashing success I found with a similar book called "If ... (Questions for The Game of Life)". We loved the "If" book, spending many hours poring over the questions, killing time finding out about one another. (And that was just me and Jim!) The girls enjoyed it, too, especially Andrea. When she was in the beginning stages of "talking" with (ie, "going with" or something like that) a boy, this non-talker (she's so much like her mom, it's scary) needed something to talk about during long phone conversations that were short on conversation. She used the "If" book to get things rolling with her beau ... and often found they weren't worthy of her time, just by some of the answers she got from them.
Because we loved the "If" book, buying the Christmas version was a no-brainer. We all spent many hours volleying holiday-related questions and answers.
Now, I've decided, I'll share the fun with my readers. Beginning today and running through the holiday season, I'll pose a question from the book for all my readers, at the end of each post. Comment, if you want, or ponder in private, if you prefer. Either way, I think it's a pretty cool way of getting everyone in the Christmas spirit -- and maybe learning a bit more about one another along the way.
So here goes:
Today's question from "The Christmas Conversation Piece" is:
Which of the following, if it were completely and permanently removed from the holiday season, would be the most difficult for you to get along without -- Christmas lights, Christmas music, or Christmas parties? Why?
My answer: Parties! Because they involve a lot of talking.
(Not too surprising, I guess, for a kinda, sorta wallflower!)
Lisa
Man, I'm a dork. This is an update because I first read the question as what would be the LEAST difficult to do without. Sheesh ... and I even wrote the darn thing!
SO, no, I wouldn't have any problem going without parties. But I would have a heck of a time going without music. I love Christmas music, even more than I love the lights.
(Please excuse my stupidity!)
Reader Comments (8)
If ANY Christmas tradition were to disappear, it would sadden me but, of the three imagined to be threatened, without Christmas music, I'd die; I could never bake another Christmas cookie, wrap another Christmas present, nor remember Christmases Past, work on Christmas Present, nor look forward to Christmas Future. Music makes it Christmas.
I'd be most lost without Christmas lights, I think. I'm usually consumed by whatever I'm doing that I don't even notice Christmas music, and I'm (as you know) among the most introverted people ever, so I'm often uncomfortable at Christmas parties. But I LOVE the lights. The holiday season wouldn't be the same if you couldn't drive around your neighborhood and see all the twinkly lights people put up, and decorating the tree is one of my favorite parts of the year. I love the visual reminder that everybody's ready for the holidays.
I agree with Heather about the lights. They're so festive and immediately put me in the spirit of the holidays, but even not in the holiday season, they're just gosh darn pretty.
I could probably do without any of them but I'm going to go with lights. Even if I don't put up any lights on/in my house, it's so nice to see them throughout the neighborhood. Most of the Christmas parties I've been to in recent years have been tainted by a certain person's need for control -- and her stupid gift exchange. I love getting together with close friends though.
Ha! Who could you possibly be talking about, Pam!? That's funny. Yes, gift exchanges will be a whole lot different going forward!
I could not live without the music, or the lights, or the music, or the lights... I can't just pick one!
Hey dork girl! LOL! I read your answer and thought...WTH?
I'm with you though...Christmas music cause I'm a singer! To the radio, to the iPod, to the dog!
But I have to say all three were a tough choice. I love the lights and I love a good party. I'm also sort of introverted though most people would be surprised. But every year since the girls were young, I've had family and friends over to decorate Christmas cookies. It's grown from the girls to the girls and my sister and brother and families to all of those and the girls friends to last year I just made it an open house. It was a resounding success! And I had a great time!
How about shopping? Can we pick "Christmas shopping"? : )
imom: We could save both lights AND music from the ax by combining them, like those Tran Siberian Orchestra displays of lights that have become popular in some areas.
Kathy: Too bad you're so far away. You and yours would be a great addition to our annual family cookie swap we've been doing for about 25 years! We're now into three generations of gals baking and swapping! (And yeah, I truly am a dork, considering that I should have just modified my post and removed the evidence of how stupid I can be, and no one would be the wiser ... except those who read the post right away!)